Tantum Deae (Only the Goddess )
by Rei13Reaper
Summary: Power so strong as to cleave two worlds in two, only held together my meager strings created from the fallen hero Mithos Yggdrasil was... an overwhelming tale. Being reborn into a world one does not belong is just as overwhelming, but an occurrence meant to be carried to the grave. Our stories so similar, being that we both embark on journeys meant to ultimately fail. SelfInsert/OC
1. Prologue- Dust Clears

**Prologue**

"You cannot climb the ladder of success dressed in the costume of failure"

**A/N**

Okay, so to start off this isn't my first story I've written, but it is the first really thought out one. I have major plans and sixteen chapters written up, so for those who even care to read this this is my baby.

Also, a slight warning, there are major references to tales of the Abyss, but you don't have to have played TOTA to understand this story, but it is mentioned for future reference.

Personally, I'm more proud of the future chapters than this one, but a story has to start _somewhere_, so… Here it is.

Romance? I'm going to say most likely _not_, but it depends on what kind of feedback I get and what people want, because how she ends up love life wise doesn't have much to do with her as a _character_. Of course its important, but with what I have lined up plot wise it doesn't matter which way I go.

Anyways, I went back and redid this chapter. Nothing changed plot wise, I just added _more_.

:3

Enjoy!

Dead.

Usually, that word signifies and end to a tale. Grand or no, when someone dies there is supposed to be nothing left. Even if souls exist, without a body, a soul _must _be meaningless. It was something commonly believed in culture, in religion... And life. But what do they know? They were never dead.

Dead.

But the funny thing was… I don't remember what that felt like. Dying, I mean. Somehow it felt like it was someone else. And I guess in another life, I really was someone else.

I know what you're thinking. Another life? Oh yeah, because you're dead right? Actually even though I felt like my life was over, because Mikayla Deer was over, I still wasn't _dead_. It wasn't over.

After I was dead, the one thing I remember was… Pain.

My first and only thought I remember was _I died to feel more pain? Seriously? _That wasn't what I was raised to believe. I believed in heaven, but before that I believed in final judgment. I had died, I didn't want to suffer without knowing why. Wasn't that a living persons problem? So where was the judgment?

_I wanna be judged dammit!_

I could see people though. Humans, without the right to judge. And they saw me. I knew what it was the moment I saw it.

But I'll cut to the chase for you right now.

I was reborn.

I don't remember much at the beginning, except that it was incredibly foggy, I was super small, and I was carried around. Of course, I remembered some, but why would I want to retell _breastfeeding_ and _diapers_? No thanks. I'll keep my dignity. Before I pieced it together, I wondered if I was just… Floating on clouds. The optimist in me wished that to be true, anyway.

But deep down I knew that wasn't right. I heard _voices_. Other dead people?

You wouldn't believe how close I was.

The idea of rebirth came slowly, first as a incoherent thought. But the truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.

I was forcing… No, _allowing_ myself to fall into ignorance for a while, but as facts began to stack I could no longer deny it- It didn't mean I had to like it though...

The truth was I was stuck in a body I didn't recall ever being in before.

After that, everything was so much harder.

I was slouching. I was sad.

Depression was a sickness passed down in my old family, and my mom… It destroyed my family. In more incomprehensible ways than one. It was many, many things that built up, and exploded all at once. I wouldn't have been able to catch up with it if I hadn't been through it myself. Luckily though, that was not the case in my newer body. I was fine. But being reborn after finally _escaping_ the job of living wasn't exactly pleasing either.

Anyways, that led to another subject; my new family.

After the bittersweet memories of my past family, I could easily say that when I started becoming aware of the people around me, I was very hesitant to let them in my heart. I could tell they cared for me, but the fact was they were _not_ the family I remembered.

After a while, I got used to them. I knew how our little family worked, we lived in a cute home, the family dynamics created a very loving environment. The only thing that kept me from loving them as they loved me was my own abnegation towards my selfishness. I knew deep down the only reason I threw such a fit, refused to acknowledge them as a family was because I didn't want to be alive, in a new family. I had finally done it, the life I ended in cowardice was supposed to be _over_. I didn't want a second chance. I tried telling myself it was because I didn't deserve it, but I knew that wasn't it. Well, sorta.

I was more afraid of death than I ever was before after being reborn.

That makes no sense right? I died and survived, wouldn't that make it easier to try again? To give up again? After all, the more you commit a crime the easier it is to attempt it over and over again. But with death? Anyone who said that was wrong, apparently.

I can promise I lost my life. But this time I was aware there were consequences to being so reckless, it was a moment of weakness. Like a bad memory, I shun anything to do with it to prevent remembering my stupidity.

I hoped I wasn't around after death, but I was reborn. Making my actions pointless and harmful- Without any way to get my life back, and plenty of humanity to care that it was gone.

I was flesh and blood. I still felt pain, sadness, and any negative emotion I tried running from. Then came the fear of _no escape_, like I was being constricted by fate with no chance of closure. Everyone wanted closure when they died, and I was unlucky enough to not get it.

Days blurred. It was winter. My mother would sometimes stay by my side and try and sing me to sleep. It was like that for a while, but I could tell I was making my mother exhausted. She had my elder sibling to take care of as well. I was definitely doing no good. I felt horrible about it, so I pretended to sleep. Even if being forced into my thoughts with no escape was horrible, I didn't want her to worry.

It… Didn't work completely.

My father. A lean, but muscular man. Messy hair that was almost mismatched with his steelish eyes. Surprisingly, they were not cold.

I heard a light chuckle.

"Closing your eyes is the best you can do, huh?" The deep voice startled me, and I opened my eyes to look upward. Smiling down at me was my new father. Older than my old one was when I was born, but he was still young.

I simply blinked up at him, and he chuckled again before picking me up.

Usually, I wasn't too fond of being picked up. However, that man managed to do so without ruffling me up too much, so I was somewhat content with being held. Besides, I was curious. Who was the man expected to raise me, and who was I expected to answer to for two more decades?

He was silent. He didn't actually say anything, which was perfectly okay with me. We sat by the window, and I noticed some snow was falling. I let out a sigh, and my father shifted only slightly in response.

"..." He sighed, watching the snowfall with me. He looked down at me again. "Lloyd loves the snow. Do you as well?" Slightly surprised he was speaking to me, I couldn't help but instinctively attempt to respond. However, my answer came out as a babble, a 'Ba' really.

He seemed as surprised as I was, before adjusting me a bit. "... Heh."

We remained silent after that, me appreciating the company silently. Unlike mother, Dad didn't seem to mind staying up for me. In fact, he seemed very natural about it, as if it wasn't even a struggle. Well, _struggle _wasn't the right word- Like he it wasn't even _needed_. Was he like me then?

I figured he was, since after that, he stayed up with me many nights afterwards.

.

The older I got, the closer our family got.

My older brother seemed to enjoy playing with me for some reason. I would sometimes make things out of the little boxes we had, only for the eldest child to knock them over. Then I would calmly rebuild… And have them knocked over again.

Then he'd fall asleep by my side. And I'd continue rebuilding.

There was a energy of sorts. It was actually much like blood, but I was aware of it. It was kind of cold, and sometimes I felt like if I breathed out, ice would come out. Other times, it simply blended with the flow of my blood and I could ignore it easily. It didn't feel like ice though, when it was like that. Instead, it was silkier, and it was more like a cold blanket on my insides.

Some time passed, and it got strong enough to where I felt I could actually _grip _it, and at certain times, I could physically feel it reacting in accordance with me. And by _me,_ I mean every piece of me. Physically or mentally. If I was shocked it would... Spike, for lack of better word. If I was tired, it would hum softly, as if lulling me to sleep.

So I tried it.

I managed to shift it _inside_ my body, and the only way I noticed it was because it seemed to distort the image around my appendages, like water was covering them.

I was so exhausted afterward, I fell asleep instantly without a fuss, which was very abnormal. So I took a break, and took to meditating sometimes to be able to _see_ it inside me like it seemed to do instead of forcing it out. Sometimes my parents would walk in on me doing so, and my older brother would constantly try and get me to move, and it was then I would be forced to do so.

Although I would be plenty happy to sit there all day, if my parents didn't think I had mental problems because of it.

Eventually I became conscious enough of the energy, if the buzzing got too annoying I could stop it from moving inside me. I couldn't make it disappear completely of course, but it stopped the thumming.

.

I could understand the language, so I figured I was in familiar, albeit poor, territory. There were several time's where mother would try to play with me, talk to me _anything_ just to get me to respond.

I refused.

She would frown, and call her husband over. I hadn't caught his name, because she always called him 'daddy' for the sake of my learning.

Then he would try, but instead of cooing or trying to get me to engage in childish games, he would do things like read somewhat intelligent books to me, or go stargazing with me next to him. His odd looking dog would sit next to us and allow me to lean on him quietly.

So long as he didn't move. It took a while to get used to the beast, since I wasn't really a dog person.

After a while, I figured out that he was more willing to do these things with me if I smiled once in a while. Yeah, I forgot the most basic thing in any language. Smile if you're enjoying yourself, a sign that you're _happy_.

So the more I did that, the less worried they became. In fact, they did things like my father did more often, and although I didn't reduce myself to childish giggles I still kept smiling for the camera.

I didn't have enough energy to try anything more than that.

I eventually learned my name was Eris, in little tidbits I caught like "Where's Eris?" "Eris, Baby…" or "Eris, your mother is calling." Stuff like that.

My older brother's name was Lloyd, to clarify. Of course, it was the name of the main character in my favorite video game in my past life. So I kinda went _hey, his name is Lloyd! _without really connecting the dots just yet.

Since its easy to kinda figure it out, yeah. My parents were Kratos and Anna Aurion. I figured it out while listening in on their conversation without them knowing when I was one and a half.

I froze. Then I curled in a ball and started crying. Yeah, that was my _moms _job.

I threw a tantrum when either tried comforting me, then my three year old brother started sobbing as well and wouldn't stop until I did.

So I got over it.

.

Sometimes, I heard them talking about me, but I'd grit my teeth and just kinda deal with it. Thinking I couldn't hear, I could tell they were discussing whether or not to consult a doctor on my... Abnormalities.

"... She helped us before, didn't she?" I heard Mom ask Dad, a stern tone. "Even if its just to see what keep's Eris up at night, I'm sure she'll help. I think its why she's been so withdrawn."

Then Dad responded. "I understand, but right _now_? Eris is healthy. I can't sleep either, so perhaps she inherited it from me."

"But wouldn't Lloyd…?" There was a slight pause, and a moment later I heard a sigh.

"I'm not entirely convinced its a problem… But if your worried, then... I suppose you might want to send that woman a letter now. It will take a while, a couple months maybe, but…"

I heard a laugh, and decided to stop listening. A doctor? Well, whatever. My problem was nothing that could be seen anyhow.

.

It was about a month from that conversation, and it was spring.

My _father_, Kratos the Hero was watching us from his spot on the ground, and I stuck to eying Lloyd as he babbled energetically to me, as if trying to get me to play. He handed me a toy, and I held it awkwardly as he continued making pointless chatter. The sunset was making their eye's glow in a pretty amber hue, and I wondered if my eyes matched the setting sky as well as my father's and brother's did, or if my eyes were the forest green in my mothers.

I knew my parents were growing worried because I hadn't spoken or made any sound in a long while. But they _always _worried. And that was weird. Kratos, worrying about _me_? Well he was supposed to be a fictional character, _and _he was an angel. So yeah. It was weird. I did make noises sometimes, just to hear the sound of my own voice and make sure _yes, I exist and yes, I am actually stuck in a childs body_, but I hadn't actually _spoken_. It was too annoying to speak with my chubby mouth and swollen feeling vocal cords.

.

It was a while later. I was getting better, getting used to the fact that I was probably the only person from my world who had seen Anna's face.

Noishe was trotting around us, once in a while nudging Lloyd playfully. He would simply giggle, and I would back up every time the beast got closer. I never liked dogs as much, I was very afraid.

The large protozoan seemed to notice that I was too far away, and feeling like he couldn't exclude me, softly jumped on me and nuzzled my face eagerly.

"Noi! Sop!" I exclaimed, my vocal capabilities not up to par with my knowledge to give the dog the scolding I wanted.

Lloyd giggled, and resumed playing as I scooted away from Noishe, who went back to playing with the boy.

I sat closer to my father. I had already gotten over the fact that he was a _videogame character_, and I accepted him as the father figure he was supposed to be. I knew he and Anna were to disappear from my life in less than a year, but was it fair to treat them like they purposefully walked out on my life for my own emotional protection? Because that was far from it, I knew if Kratos could, he would have kept his life the way it was at the time forever.

It was a constant battle to ignore my worsening sadness though, and it was even worse that I knew this world would never understand it for what it was.

But I was healthy, and I'd be damned if I wasted that.

Yes, I was reduced to referring to Eris and Mikayla as two different creatures. For some reason it was hard to accept us both as the same thing. Which was _still_ confusing. If they are different, who am I now? But many times we were both the same too. I wasn't sure if I _stole_ this body, or if it was made from my soul or something. Maybe Eris was part of the original plot, just died in the rockfall and Kratos never mentioned it? I didn't know.

But for some reason I felt as if this body was the latter, _stolen_, and that Mikayla's memories weren't mine, as if even though I was suffering for them, they didn't belong to me.

All I needed was one push in either direction, and it was what happened next that made me realize; I'm neither one or the other.

There's Mikayla, Anna's daughter, then there's me.

Eris.

.

It started out a fairly peaceful day, I was actually meditating without interruption for the first time in what seemed forever. My brother had fallen asleep sprawled out asleep(And snoring) all over his toys, Mom was cooking in the kitchen and 'Dad' was doing something outside.

Until he slammed the door open, and immediately ran into the kitchen.

Him and 'Mom' were talking in hushed voices for several minutes, and Lloyd was wide awake after our father had stormed through the door.

We were awaiting anxiously, me even more so because something was very, _very _wrong, And I was the only one smart enough at the time to realize that. I knew I was panicking, but millions of different possibilities were running through my head. Did someone get hurt? Sick?

The next thing I knew, Dad and Mom swiftly left the kitchen, dad picking me up and Mom Lloyd, abandoning all things except a sword I never knew my dad had, as we ran full speed ahead out the door. Mom rode on our horse, dog thing that was called Noishe.

We were running for only forty five minutes when we started being chased. I had no clue what was happening, and I was growing increasingly worried.

Eventually... We were cornered at a cliff.

"Its about time I caught you."

A man stepped forward, and my father put me down and drew his blade. What happened next made my heart stop, my mind pound and flipped my world upside down.

"Kvar…!"My father growled, holding out his blade, standing in front of me protectively. Kvar was a stupid name. I had only heard that name once, and it was in a RPG _videogame._

Wait.

_Its happening._

"Kratos, you have stolen what rightfully belongs to me. Give it back, and I might spare you."

_Its happening…!_

"Leave my family alone…!" My father, _Kratos Aurion,_ stepped forward and prepared himself to fight.

_**Anna is about to die. Such is the way of the world. You'll get used to it.**_

"Anna!"

I felt a breathtaking pain in my chest, Cutting off my major panic attack at the realization. My head was spinning, I knew, I _knew, _that it would happen, but… I wasn't expecting it so _soon. _Did I not have more time?... There was no way I could survive, I wasn't strong enough, so many terrible things were going to happen I knew-!

The rest was a blur, I felt the familiar haze of a concussion, I felt my legs give out, and became completely unaware of anything happening. There was so much crying, and screaming, my family was being physically and mentally _torn apart_, and I was too weak to do anything.

I was falling. Later I could piece together what happened, Kratos watched as they, _we _fell, and searched for us, hoping to any deity out there that he could find us only to see nothing in sight.

I passed out. I was grateful for that, taking me away from reality. Although... Alone and far away from anyone in my 'family' who could have helped me.

But my life was far from over.

.

.


	2. Chapter 1- The Day I Died Again

**Chapter 1**

**The Day I Died Again**

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."

**A/N**

So… I edited this sooner than I expected, and just in time actually since I'm leaving tomorrow for Utah.

So _Anyways_, here it is, so… Enjoy, maybe?

* * *

Everything after was confusing and mixed together, And it in some distorted way it reminded me of the time I was a newborn baby. But I do remember being picked up, and something that sounded much like the clatter of a carriage. There were voices, and I felt people touching me in a way that felt like they were tending to the wounds I definitely had. And what I knew was what it was; Somehow I had survived, and been rescued.

The first time I woke up, and _stayed _that way longer than five minutes, I found myself in a unfamiliar, fairly modern by my standards room. I spent the thirty minutes I had alone blankly staring at a wall, replaying every little thing I had experienced in this life, and especially one little fact.

I knew… and the only time I cared to act was when it was hurting _me._ why did I wait? Why, why, _why_? Anna could have lived. Kratos and Lloyd could have been happy, and maybe I could have to. But I mattered little, because…

_What could I have done…? _I thought to myself, and somehow it sounded quiet, and someone cut off. But even so, I knew it was the truth. It was terrifying, I wished that I could have done something, but I was two going on to three years old, what option did I have? But I could have at least tried _something_, so… Why didn't I…? I knew it was because I was afraid to try. _I_ wanted to die, but watching a family, _my_ family being torn apart was just enough for me to realize I couldn't leave the world like this, I had to do something. No matter how little I changed.

I knew I was never meant to exist. Eris didn't exist in canon, so what right did she have to exist here? I knew it wasn't fair, because I was _born _here, and even though I didn't want this second chance, its not like I could get up the courage to get rid of it again myself like last time.

And unlike the first time around, I felt like I had a responsibility to continue living.

_I need to make sure this can't happen again… _

It hurt. And it was because I spent all that time wallowing in my misery, instead of doing something, or even _saying_ something like I could have. But again, what could I do? I was how old… Two? Three? I hated myself. I wanted to be strong so I could keep up with this world, and protect myself from the inevitable. These thoughts were repeated over and over again in a vicious cycle of self loathing and acceptance, until I distantly heard the sound of a door opening as I was stuck in my thoughts.

"Your awake!"

I turned to the voice, and saw a cute blond little girl smiling at me as she walked closer to where I was laying, and sat at the edge of my bed. Upon closer look, I realized she was actually quite pretty, with bright green eyes and two prominent dimples.

"How are you feeling? Are your wounds bugging you?" I shifted a bit, trying to sit up and although I succeeded, it came at a price because I realized just how much I was _aching_. I flinched, looking up to the 'older' girl who was smiling calmly down at me, waiting for an answer.

"Bugging... isn't the ta' right word." I mumbled sarcastically, placing my small hands in my lap.

I heard I surprised choke, then a laugh, and I noticed an elderly black haired woman walking in after the younger girl. She had a long skirt and blouse, green blue eyes, and tan, _tan _skin. "My my, you are quite the witty one, aren't you?"

I saw that she looked much like a gypsy from world war two, with her clothing, tan skin and mischievous eyes. They glittered with life, despite her age, and her lean body figure seemed to match the youth in her eyes, but I could also tell she was far from her prime, but not quite suffering from the old age because the slight wrinkles she had earned accenting her face.

I remained quiet, not feeling enough energy to cough up a response. Realizing I wasn't going to speak, she sighed and held a strange device up to my head. "You gave us quite the scare… We were on our way back from a clients house, and our small group ran into you! You were a mess, if I say so myself. Your lucky we found you when we did girlie."

She softly gripped my chin to get a better angle I suppose, and I debated on keeping silent, but my curiosity won out. I sighed. "What happened… Exactly?" I spoke quietly, realizing how sore my throat was.

"Ah…" She murmured, putting whatever she held up to my skull away and sitting in between me and the blonde girl. "Thats not a tale you wish me to tell you, I'm sure."

I scowled at her, and whispered, "Really? I watched my family get torn apart with my own eyes. What c ou' make it worse?"

The woman let out a low chuckle, not hesitating for a second at the weight I felt in my words and I couldn't help but wonder if my statement was really so pathetic to laugh at. Closing her eyes and made an odd frown, as she tugged the blond child closer. "You are very intelligent, for a girl so young." Pinching the youngers cheeks affectionately, a small, sincere smile sliding across her lips, she said "This is my granddaughter, Katherine. _My_ name is Tia Vallance… May I ask you for your name?"

For some reason, I felt very uncomfortable answering that question. I felt like I wanted to answer with my old name, not this fake otherworldly name. At least the name Lloyd and Colette were actual _names _in our world, although rare. I had never heard of someone named _Eris _at home, unless it was from some other country_. _

"… Where am I?" I asked instead, waiting until I became more comfortable with my name of this world. I didn't know what _Mikayla _meant here, for all I knew it could be something embarrassing.

She frowned again, but her expression turned back to normal moments after, leaving me wondering what she was thinking before. Was she sad I didn't give her my name? "You're in Palmacosta… Quite a ways from where we found you. But we took you to our house. We're traveling doctors, you see."

I gulped, realizing just what position I was in. _Palmacosta_? Palmacosta gets _obliterated_, destroyed by the Great... Tree of… Mana, I think it was called. Then I found myself wondering… am I going to be stuck here forever? Get to know these people, knowing all the while what awaits them? I didn't want to be here!

But for now, I at least knew where I was, for which I was very grateful. Far away from where Lloyd I was sure, but I knew for a fact he would be just fine without me.

_Better than alright I think..._

"What's going to happen to me?" I asked, now relaxing a bit. Being tense and twitchy would only make things worse, and I had a headache that I really didn't want to deal with. Besides, I didn't think they would hurt me too badly if at all.

The woman, Tia, hummed softly as she watched me with calculating eyes. She stood up and walked behind me, I watched her slightly with my eyes as she picked up a photo.

"Hm… Assuming you can't go back to where you came from-" I winced. "-You will most likely stay here… In the Palmacosta orphanage."

Katherine was glancing between us, seemingly nervous. She hesitated, but with her apparent straight forward nature got over the urge to remain unnoticed.

"The orphanage isn't as bad as you would think."She started, and I looked to her by the edge of my vision. "Its actually pretty fun, there's a lot of kids there." She tried comforting, but with no avail. A orphanage was the last place I wanted to be, at the very least I wanted to be left to my _own_ devices.

I remained silent once again, I knew there was no other option, so I didn't hesitate to ask for one. After a sad shake of the head, I simply sighed and asked them to give me some space. Being the decent people they were, they willingly complied.

.

The next few months were spent recovering. It was a long and grueling process that I would give anything to speed up. I also learned that the device she consistently put behind my ear was a Manameter. It measures the mana density, much like the blood pressure things you would have used at the doctors office in my last life.

I thought it was the coolest thing, and Tia seemed very amused by my fascination but honestly…. You don't see something that shows you stuff about your actual _lifeforce _everyday, and I was fairly certain nothing like that existed back home, and if it did it wasn't to a science I was sure.

It was during that I finally told her my name.

"... You can call me Eris." I told her one day, shifting uncomfortably as she analized the Manameter for the upteenth time. "Or whatever. I don't really care…"

The woman simply smiled, and handed me something to drink and placing down her manameter and grabbing some coins.

"Oh, but you should care." She ruffled my hair, her smile turning into a grin. "Eris is such a lovely name. And a unique name too… In fact, the name Eris is mentioned in the ancient healing manuscripts in the Church of Martel. Actually…"

* * *

It was also during that time, I had some more time to think about my predicament. For a second I wondered where I was in the timeline, but then I remembered I was born only a year and a half younger than Lloyd, so that meant I basically landed myself right in the middle of all the problems this world had to offer.

Well. Not all, Kratos is in the middle of literally every _single _problem in this worlds condition.

_The poor man.._

But the point was… I didn't know what to do. Why should I do anything at all? It wasn't my world. I already lived, what was _I_ entitled to do?

All I was going to do was help myself, despite my earlier resolve to change even the little things. Things would work out anyway, they were fine in the game without my intervention except for Palmacosta, but it _had _to happen… Right? I just had to make sure I didn't get close to anyone, because the chosen's group got what they wanted.

So I didn't bother thinking about the future, except for how it would help _me_.

* * *

After that, I was sent to the orphanage. My wounds were still healing, but they were manageable enough to be left to my own devices. I shared a room with a girl named Ann Glover, she was a sweet girl, although she was somewhat odd. And by odd, I meant by this world's standards.

She was a half elf.

She didn't tell anyone though, I just kinda figured it out with my mana sense.

Yes, eventually I figured out the cold substance running through me was actually _mana._ It was a odd thing, apparently even odder that me as a human could sense it. I knew _why_ I could, but I couldn't exactly tell _them_. So I was reduced to keeping my Mana sensing a secret.

Unfortunately, that meant I couldn't tell Ann that I knew at all, let alone how.

Which was fine, I supposed, since I wasn't supposed to get close to her.

* * *

It was rainy, in the season we were in. This world called it Euros. I was assuming it was this worlds September or something close to that, because new years is in a season called Chione. It was always wet, and I was one of the unlucky few that managed to catch a cold in this season. Luckily though, this meant I was one of the few who got warm clothing, consisting of a large gray and blue striped sweater. But to balance that out, I also got gray shorts and rather worn down shoes. But my auburn hair was rather short, so I was hoping this body grew hair as fast as my last.

Palmacosta was a very crowded city too. On my time off and after I recovered from my cold enough to go outside, I found that my claustrophobia didn't abandon me along with my last life. So I usually took to sitting on roofs or high places to get away from the orphanage to read or something.

I found I quite liked heights actually, something that was very Mikayla. She loved heights too, but in this body I could go higher, without worrying about too bad of injury. I usually spent several hours in various places like that, reading and avoiding crowd.

I knew _falling off a cliff_ should have induced some fear of heights or something, but to be honest, for some reason I could never say for certain it didn't bother me. Sure the whole incident itself scarred me, and if I were to go back to the area it happened there were sure to be bad memories waiting for me, but _here_, being up high didn't matter much.

Of course I had to get my books for entertainment from _somewhere_, and that somewhere was actually at the bookstore across the Inn.

I wasn't sure who owned it, but they actually had fairly good books. With the memories of my past life, the stories told here seemed far fetched. Like, our books were about The Hunger Games and a giant school for teenage wizards? Imagine someone like Kratos, or the Sage siblings reading them. They'd probably be weirded out and confused, and for a while, so was I. This world was far fetched, but its probably because I was _in_ a fantasy, what was the point in reading it?

I found myself reading about this world's history and science instead. My old world was very technology and math based, and this world was also _centered_ around science and religious studies.

In the orphanage, the Religion of Martel was commonly taught. Usually I could get out of it, but on certain days they would force me to join them. It wasn't that I was dedicated to my past morals(I _was_ somewhat, but it wasn't enough for me to avoid an entire religion for that purpose alone), it was more that I knew that the church was a means for control instead of hope, not that the leaders knew that.

"The great tree was the founder of this world. This tree was the sustenance of life, and with its power made the perfect being in it glory; The Goddess Martel." A visiting priest said serenely, sitting on the rocking chair as my fellow toddlers circled around him, watching him intently as he told the legend spoke thousand times over.

"The Goddess Martel provided us with the power of agency to choose. She trusted us to use the combined power of her gifts and Mana to coexist with this world happily." I simply tried to tune him out, knowing that knowing this was only going to bother me. Which was a stupid and immature thing to do by all rights, but it wasn't like I'd admit it at the time.

Of course, the old man noticed my lack of interaction compared to the other children and turned his attention to me.

"Young Eris… If you had the power to do anything in this world and succeed, what would you do?"

I looked up at him, noticing his eyes wrinkling of old age as he smiled. I could tell he was genuinely worried, but only because I didn't drink up the lies of this world without question like the other children.

I was only three.

I wasn't allowed to have an opinion.

Not in this world.

"Nothing." I finally answered, looking down bitterly. I knew that this religion was used to control people, and was involved with the cause of so many deaths in this world. "What I want doesn't exist here anymore."

The elderly priest frowned, and I knew he believed I was talking about my family. Maybe I was, but the fact still stood this wasn't even _my world._ Why should I help it? Sure, I was going to be stuck here for the rest of my life(Or _this_ life at least), but I'm not even supposed to exist, let alone change anything. I had my chance at life, I just wanted to be left alone. No matter how much it seemed I was simply spitting at the second chance I got with this new life.

"Hm… The Goddess Martel gave us the power of mana, so we had the strength to _change_ our lifes in any scope." He preached, and I vaguely recognised this. _With this new body, I can fight_ and _With the power of mana, I can become strong. _But it wasn't like his religion was getting through to me, more like offering me a idea.

"You have that ability. Mana is more than the energy that keeps us alive. It _brings _us to life, and we have the ability to do that for ourselves."

He turned to the rest of the children, taking the majority of his attention off of me, for which I was glad for because I was sure amusement was not the right reaction. I couldn't help it, every time I saw a Chapel Priest walk by, I always imagined those comedic murder mystery shows, particularly one called _Psych_.

"This is the gift Martel gave us. Because she loves us."

* * *

I had eventually found a spot above the library, which I could climb up a set of stairs that consisted of boxes and other various unstable things to get up, to simply sit there to read or eat or whatever. I found I still had cravings for Tea, but unlike my last life for some reason, I _hated _fruit Tea. I didn't mind it back then, but the unwarranted hatred in this life was unexpected. Usually, It was a pretty good place to hide out when the orphanage employees tried forcing me to listen to the 'educating' priest. Or for any other reasons. I was never found there before.

Luckily.

"Gather around you human _vermin_!"

I jolted from my reading place, recognizing that tone of voice. I wasn't sure exactly, but…

_Wait… isn't this…?_

I stood up from my seat, and quietly and inconspicuously as possible creeped to a spot on the roof I could see what was happening. The bookstore roof gave me a decent view of Palmacosta's plaza, and although I had limited details, I could see one pile of red hair perfectly enough to recognise.

_Magnius._

I had only been here for three years, and I was already encountering the dangers this world had to offer.

"You haven't paid your taxes in quite some time, _Dorr_." He boomed, and I watched as the citizens and people of the like cowered in fear. "What happened? Lose too many citizens? Because I think…" At that point he had grabbed the youngest blond man's hair rather roughly, grinning maliciously. "You can afford to lose one more!"

It was rather sad, so see a grown man being handled like a little slave girl, but I suppose thats kind of what we were to the Desians. A bunch of slaves, or cattle for the slaughter. And Magnius loved it, which wasn't a secret in the game either.

The older 'Dorr' fellow, crouched in a way that made him look ready to pounce at Magnius, who handled the younger man with little care. But before anything could happen, the young man in questioned yelled "Wait!"

All eyes turned toward the younger man, as he stopped struggling in the Cardinals hands.

"Father! Don't! We can't afford to give in to this!" He cried out.

The man's 'father' hesitated, then after a moments thought he said "Thats right… If you kill my son, I have no reason to stoop down to working for you!"

Just like that, it was as if he signed his life away.

Before anyone could act, Magnius snapped his fingers and in the blink of an eye, Dorr had three desians surrounding him, and three spears to the heart.

I had experience with death. But handling the _consequences_ of it personally and seeing it in _action_ were two completely different things. There were gasps, and many people cried out. I froze as the man still hung on the spears, and his son stared in shock, and without much care the larger half elf threw him down in front of his father, and sure enough he fell to the ground in utter despair.

"Father…" The young blond called out weakly. "Father… Father, Father!" The grand cardinal turned to walk away, as the three Half elves surrounding the dead man cut him in pieces to release their weapons from his corpse holding them in place before following after their leader.

Everyone was silent in horror, I assumed this had happened before, but the fact their beloved leader died so pathetically must have been traumatizing. I knew _I _was traumatized, and my idea to get away from Palmacosta seemed just that much more appealing.

"Let this be a warning to you human swine…" The voice boomed, and my eyes snapped to complete attention to regard the red haired man speaking. "If any of you dare to defy the Desians, we will wreak havoc on your pathetic little lives!" Magnius announced proudly, walking in the direction of the exit.

The people near him cowered away in fear I'm sure praying to any deity out there that they weren't called out, and I hid myself more as he passed the building I had hid out in.

How did I forget about the _Desians_?! They were the worst things the story had to offer. If I forgot about this, what else have I forgotten?

Dwelling on these thoughts, I made my way to the orphanage begrudgingly, not caring that I would probably have to deal with fussing orphanage workers.

* * *

The following weeks were devastatingly quiet. People were too scared to leave their houses, and I wasn't allowed out of my building of residence for a long time. I _guessed _I scared them with my absence during the horrible events. I heard rumors of peoples parents being taken into the ranch from the new children in the orphanage(Not that I doubted them), and there was lots of mourning for our lost Governor- General Dorr.

Yes, the man that died was the canon Dorr's _Father_, not the _traitor_ General-Governor. The son was the Dorr I remembered, about to take his fathers place. There was no sign of his wife's disappearance, so I wasn't sure if he was even married, or his daughter born at all yet.

After the murder of the Royal family Governor, there was an unspoken kill order on Half elves. I grew increasingly worried for my roommate Ann, and I noticed after the recent events she grew shakier and shakier every time the 'atrocity of the half elves' was brought up.

At one point I caught her praying out loud, and I knew this was a very sacred thing to the people of this world, so I remained silent and hoped I didn't distract her.

"Oh goddess Martel, If you can hear my prayer… Please give us the strength to make it through these hard times… Protect me, and give me protection against the anger of the people. Bring us Salvation, Goddess, please, _please_ help us…"

Children were confused, and wondered what happened. I could practically taste the nervous buzz of the exuded mana in the air, it made me feel like I was drowning in negativity. And body odor, because that's kind of what its presence felt like.

There were more Orphans, two new ones bunking in the room next to me. Kaiden and another boy named Shirley. Kaiden was a loud one, and I decided I did _not _want to go near him.

It was more horrible than it was portrayed in the game. All it focused on was the events, but what they failed to convey was the suffering of a _thousandyears _at the hands of the Desians and ultimately, Mithos_._

* * *

It wasn't until I was five they loosened their grip on me again, and I was allowed out of the orphanage without too many problems. The first thing I set out to do was read up on the roof of the library. On my way there, I ran into a familiar orange haired half elf.

For the past two years, I had seen her come and go. Most of the time she was cooped up in our room, reading. She had this funny thing where she refused to let anyone read over her shoulder though, and although I completely understood that, I had tried because the cover looked interesting. She immediately angled herself away from prying eyes at the sight of this, and I backed away in surrender.

She was leaning on the side of the bridge, watching the fishers below store their fishing gear for the winter. I debated on leaving her alone, but after one more look at her and a memory of a certain prayer, I sighed and made my way over to her.

"So… You like Tea?" She turned her head over to my direction, eyes widening.

"E-Eris!" She blushed shyly, brushing her bangs out of her pretty purple eyes. "I… I didn't see you there!"

I crossed my arms, feeling awkward. If I ever really talked to her, I should have remembered she was a shy one, but… Between thinking about the destruction of Palmacosta and how I was going to get strong, I never stopped to honestly look around at the world surrounding me.

I bit back my nerves, trying to forget all that for a moment. I wanted to comfort the suffering Half elf, for reasons I couldn't explain.

"Tea?"

She jolted. "O-Oh! Yeah! I do! Why do you ask..?"

We both ended up on my favorite library roof, sitting on a small blanket with two cold cups of green tea. It was a quiet walk up, and the mood hadn't changed yet.

"Its not very good," I told her, taking a sip. "But its my favorite, so I try and save it when I get the money…Thats why its cold."

She shook her head rather violently. "No, no! Its perfect, I just…" She twiddled her thumbs. "This roof… Is this where you always go?"

I nodded, setting my wooden cup down. "If you don't mind… can you keep this a secret? Its kind of a special place for me."

She nodded. "Of course! But…" She blushed. "Why did you bring _me_ up here then?"

I groaned, and leaned against the crates trying to look relaxed. There were many of them, making a barrier of sorts against the world, and blocking out everything but the sky when you were below them.

"I don't have much friends… And you _are _my roommate." I said, not truly answering the question.

"O-Oh, yeah… of course…"

We were both silent, neither knowing what to say. We were both quiet, her by nature and me from circumstance, so it was comfortably uncomfortable.

"Eris..?"

"Hm?"

"Are we… friends?"

I looked at her, noticing the way her eyes glinted hopefully. The mana located in her body looked like it was waving hopefully like a candle, and I imagined myself blowing it out as I told her 'no'. I wondered for a minute what it would be like to have a childhood friend. In my old life, all I had were new friends that came and went, never anyone that stuck by me.

I knew the future, which was fine. The problem was I didn't know hers. How could I keep her safe from myself, and my knowledge? I would break if she ever disappeared _because _of me. But right when I was about to say no I thought unceremoniously, _If I was strong enough to protect her? _

Then, I sighed. Selfishly, I made a plan to protect myself. To find a way to get strong, and hold her close without putting so much risk. It wasn't me that would hurt her, if she disappeared, it would hurt _me._

"Not today. But maybe soon."


	3. Chapter 2- True Strength

**Chapter 2**

**True Strength**

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."

**A/N**

**Yeah, this one is kind of short. It took me a while to edit, just because when I started writing this, I was… worse. **

**Anyways, if the whole "How did she get all the way to Palmacosta from Iselia" thing bothered you, it's going to be explained in later chapters by Tia, but it doesn't really matter if I tell you. **

**Tia was coming back from healing someone above Iselia. I'm sure there are people other than Dirk that live past there. In my story, It was in a small harbor there, were in times for easy sea travel, Travelers could go from there to another place above Luin. This place will also be mentioned later. Its like how Camberto caves are always there, but it was never mentioned in the first game, and how the Balacruf seal exists in the first game, but the main entrance doesn't exist in the second. But they are all still there, just never 'mentioned'.**

**Anyways, having used up all her supplies, she couldn't heal Eris completely. Falling from a cliff is bound to be painful, and she was in a **_**cart **_**the majority of the time. So Tia kept her unconscious to spare her from the pain, unbeknownst and so far unquestioned by Eris herself. **

**Also, the entire story is in Eris's point of view,UNLESS SAID OTHERWISE. And you'll know because it will say. **

**Anyways, second chapter is up…. Hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

Apparently 'not today' meant 'basically we're friends now' because after our little conversation on the roof, Ann was extra friendly towards me. Impressively, she wasn't clingy at all like I expected from someone of her age and status. She never went to my rooftop hideout without my permission, and she didn't follow me around or beg me to play with her every chance she got, instead accepting I was a individual girl who liked my individual _time_ .

No, the defining points in our growing relationship was more subtle things, like before bed she would tell me good night, or if I finished a book she would recomend one of her own favorites. It took a while, but before I realized it, I grew quite fond of the young half elf girl. But that was extremely scary, because I was afraid to get attached to anyone in this world. Not until I was strong at least. I didn't want to risk losing someone I was close to because I was weak again.

That strength I searched for came in the form of a familiar old woman.

I had purchased a book on rouge style fighting. It was basically a book on being a thief, and it wasn't quite what I wanted because I wanted to _protect people._

But on top of all that, I wanted to protect _myself_. So I took what I had, knowing that offense could be my defense. After all, I didn't know what being a thief consisted of just yet. So I bought it, and the owner gave it to me with only a raised eyebrow and slight hesitation. A week later I was caught reading it in the orphanage by one of the more religious volunteers in the orphanage.

"You want to be a _thief?_" A young caretaker for the Palmacosta chapel scolded me, an incredulous look in his eyes. I scowled at this, turning away from him in a subtle, but noticeable act of childish defiance.

"I want to be _strong_." I corrected, becoming more defensive with every word he narrowmindedly threw out.

"Strong…? _Strong_? Strength does not come from thievery!"

"I'm not going to be a thief!" I continued scowling, crossing my arms. "I'm going to learn to protect myself!"

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "We knew you were an odd one, but… The priest had so much faith in you, and you're going to throw that aside for this evil?"

I sighed. I didn't understand, fighting was fighting, no matter what style, the only difference was how willing you were to play dirty.

_**He's just too scared to fight for himself… Its fine if lives are lost, as long as he can't be blamed for it. Reminds me of someone I knew...**_

I kept glaring at him, not in control of the last negative thought in my head, but not really caring at the same time. It was kind of true, he only got off because he had never felt the sting of danger before. Except I had no clue how the situation reminded me of anyone...

"What's wrong with it? I think its a good idea for the girl to defend herself."

I turned around, the storm of contention seeming to calm. Seeing a very familiar sight of a black haired woman walking in with a blond haired girl. I was rather surprised she even bothered _saying _anything, let alone for _me_.

"Tia…?" I murmured, tilting my head.

The woman grinned, crossing her arms. "Ah! So you remember me after all these years! But _I_ could never forget a face like yours…"

The way she said that made it sound like there was more to the statement then I knew, but I knew there was no way to understand what she truly meant at that moment. So instead, I smiled a little bit as I ignored the irritating young man behind me and turned to the blond girl that accompanied Tia. "You're… Katherine, right?"

The girl grinned, saluting me with a goofy grin resembling her grandmothers. "Thats me! You have a good memory!"

Tia hummed a bit, walking closer to me with a curious look. "How old are you now? Six?"

I nodded, blinking up at the question curiously. The elder woman nodded to herself, and turned to the blond. "Katherine, how old were you when I started training you..?"

The girl blinked once, and said "Seven, grandma… Are you…?"

Seeming to have resolved something, Tia nodded one last time. She turned to me and said, "Eris... Would you like me to train you to fight?"

* * *

I stared at her, wide eyed, I couldn't believe it. I was going to be trained how to fight, _to protect myself._ I felt my heart pound, as I watched the woman sitting on the log in front of me intently. She simply sharpened the stick in her hand, not looking up.

I wondered just what kind of hobbies the woman had to be able to fight _and _heal sufficiently, but then I remembered she was old, and that gave you a lot of time to learn different things.

"The style I'm about to teach you has been taught in my family for generations… Some would say the dagger is a dishonorable and evil weapon, because the ancient manuscripts in the church of Martel use them as a symbolism for cutting off ties with salvation and the Goddess herself."

She tossed me the sharp stick, and I gingerly caught it. _A stick? _I eyed it, my enthusiasm dying down. She continued speaking.

"I beg to differ."

I tilted my head curiously, as she lazily gestured towards me.

"You aren't going to be receiving any training today… But there are some things I must tell you about your training.

"The Dagger in my families historic culture represents the division of Negative mana and Positive Mana. It also represents our shadow, as it is believed in ancient times the weapon itself could sever the darkness from our hearts. The style I'm about to teach you requires diligence, and using a dagger means you you accept that the possibilities in both the positive and negative element."

"Like… Light and dark?" I squeaked, hating the way my voice sounded in this young body.

"Pretty much..." She congratulated, her tone sounding impressed. "Light and dark are the head of two types of Mana, Negative and Positive. They represent past and future. Both can provide you with power, but only one can provide you strength. Very few are aware of their mana enough to have this fact truly affect them... But this is simply the history, it has nothing to do iwth your training."

"So I'm not using this type of thing in a fight?" I asked, genuinely hopeful she would teach me how. I could already sense my mana, what else did I need to know? And what kind of power was it? I didn't really get it, but I was curious to know.

"Are you nuts? You'll be lucky if you ever _see _someone with that ability in your _life time_. And I have no clue what it really even is."

I faltered. "U-uh… Okay…"

She waved her hand. "Anyways, First thing tomorrow morning we will be working on your reflexes and flexibility." She gestured to my carved wooden dagger. "Carry your stick around, get used to the feel of always having it with you. Never leave it anywhere, or your training is over."

I jolted in shock. Over? For losing a stick?!

"Wh- what?"

"Don't question why, just do it. There will be no other stick like that one. Its special!"

I resisted the urge to question it again. "Alright."

* * *

I made it a week without losing the stick.

Every morning I would do stretches that hurt like _hell_, then she would throw eggs at me from so many different angles, I was worried there was multiples of her. But if there was one thing I learned, it was that Tia was _fast._

After three weeks, we got started on dagger wielding basics, and I was impressed with how well this body moved.

Sure, I had a _long_ way to go until I was at Tia's level(And according to her, the only thing she could do was mediocrely fight bandits) but she said I would be able to get to her level in no time, something I was relieved for.

Weeks later, and the month was turning into Chione, this worlds December. Most of the months were called something pretty close to our seasons, like January is Janus in this world.

It got colder, and my training harsher. Eventually I got into learning martial arts, and thats when my fitness got more calculated.

I didn't learn _too _much about martial arts, since I was still young, but just enough for me to feel like a natural by the time I was a teen, and to defend myself long enough to get away from a fight.

I still focused on flexibility and reflexes, and now I was working on retreat methods. We also went through different moves, and the way I was taught reminded me of the times I used to dance, so it wasn't exactly unfamiliar.

She taught me how to utilize small bombs and make poisons, but she refused to let me use anything until I got to the point I could use a real dagger.

"You have to trust _yourself _first, _then_ your weapon. Everything else comes second to that, everything else is just a tool." Tia would tell me if I ever asked to try a dagger.

Every morning before leaving, I would make sure to grab that stick, and kept it close everywhere else I decided to go.

* * *

"You're short!" Tia exclaimed, snorting in uncontrollable laughter as she held herself on the table as if she would fall over otherwise.

It was amazing how I could survive rigorous training on a daily basis, a deadly cliff, a Desian infested world and yet I couldn't handle being laughed at for my especially embarrassing efforts of reaching up a table for a drink. In this world, I wasnt really that tall, and up until that point I had never considered myself short, and although I kinda liked being short for some reason, being made fun of for it...

"Hey… I'm still growing you know…" I mumbled disdainfully, taking a sip of the drink I fought to reach for so hard as I blushed in embarrassment.

"Yeah… Horizontally."

"W-what? No way! I'm pretty sure I'm growing _taller._"

I still couldn't help but sneak a glance at my stomach to make sure she wasn't lying.

"Pffft, please short stuff, if I was sure you would grow to be tall, I would be teaching you how to use a _sword _instead of a dagger_._"

I puffed out my cheeks, looking away from her indignantly. "Height and swords are overrated! _Everyone _has them anyway!"

"You're just saying that because you wish you could use one!" she snarked, taking a bite of her sandwich.

I huffed. "I don't have to respond to that."

Tia simply chuckled, closing her eyes with a very content look. She was silent, and I glanced at her a bit, noticing she then donned a thoughtful expression instead of a amused one.

"No. I suppose you don't."

.

Me and Ann were growing closer every day, and the more confident I got in my skills, the more I was willing to let her around me. We got to know each other rather well. I unwillingly allowed myself to grow closer to her, but after a few months of the same routine, I decided that if she wanted to be around someone like me, it was her own problem. It was one special one day in particular on that same library roof we first got to know each other, that I realized Ann wanting to be my friend was less of a downfall, and more of a...what was the word? A schadenfreude on my part. And although the girl should have, It didn't seem like she considered being my friend a misfortune.

"... Eris?" I heard her call out quietly.

"... Yeah?"

"Do you… remember what your family was like?"

I turned to her, curious as to why she would ask. It helped that I already lost my real family from my last life, so losing my flesh and blood of _this _world didn't hurt as bad as most may think. But watching them all die was incredibly scarring, so it was less of 'They're all gone' and more of 'Its my fault their dead, I lost them because I didn't do anything'.

The point was, even if I _should _have been used to it, I wasn't. I didn't want to think about it more than necessary because it still hurt.

"... Somewhat."

She nodded, whispering "I see…"

We were both silent. Me wondering what she was getting at, and she contemplating her next words, before she spoke again.

"My brothers... are Desians."

I looked at her, shocked. She was basically confessing she was a half elf.

She turned to me sadly, and began to explain.

"My family was offered the chance to work with them… We were refugees running from people who hated us. I don't remember what it was like when we were on the run, because after I turned two, we told people we were humans from a island with a strange culture. But while my mother refused the Desians offer, my brothers… Allan and Abe joined them. My parents died soon after after being attacked by a sand monster in triet."

I was speechless. I had no clue what to say, how to answer it. I felt like I should comfort her, but... But I had a question.

"Why don't you go with them?"

Her eyes snapped to me, surprised. I elaborated, shifting my body towards her. I knew that she took note of the fact I said 'don't' instead of 'did not'.

"Whats stopping you..? Don't you want to be with them, your siblings?" I knew if I could, if I wasn't scared… I would go be with Lloyd. If I could travel, if I wasn't scared, if I felt like I deserved a family, a second chance…

_If if if..._

She looked at me for a moment longer, before looking aways sadly.

"I don't mean to sound prideful, but… What the desians are doing… It isn't right."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing from that seven year old girl. It didn't make sense, why would she do that to herself? wouldn't she want to be with her family? If I didn't know any better, and been treated the same as she, been a half elf of her age, I would have joined the Desians no matter what was right or wrong.

_Or would I…? _

"Your… amazing…" I muttered, looking away. I knew I hated it when people said that in my last life, so I was hesitant to say it to Ann. But the fact was it was _true_.

She squeaked, turning her attention to me so fast I thought her neck would snap. She blushed rather violently, and looked down as she twiddled her fingers.

"N...not really!"

"But you are." I assured her, looking to the sky. It was surprisingly sunny for a winter day, just cold. I felt the guilt eat away at me, I knew what she was before she even told me. Should I tell her I knew she was a half elf all along?

"That's incredibly mature of you, to put others before yourself." I muttered instead, deciding it wasn't a big deal. I knew and she knew I knew this time and…

I still couldn't help but let the guilt gnaw away at me.

….

"Thank you…"

* * *

It was a few months after my seventh birthday, and several months after training, that I met another orphan. I remembered him as the boy who bunked right next to Anna and my room, and that was it. I didn't really care to get to know _anyone_ in that cursed place, so I didn't.

I was walking to the town square to buy the some supplies(I didn't like having to rely on the care takers, and I ran into less people that way), Tia's special stick in my pocket, when I heard shuffling and shouting in the alleyway next to where I was walking. I turned my attention to the noise, Backing up, and I saw three figures huddled up in the corner. It took me only seconds to realize they were beating someone up, and I wanted to go help whoever was in danger.

I hesitated.

But then I shook my head and stormed in the alleyway, yelling "Hey!" before skidding to a stop in front of them, hoping I caught their attention enough to stop the onslaught on the person they were kicking.

They turned around, and I noted most of them were older than my bodies age, around nine years old. The biggest boy, the leader I assume, looked down at me and sneered.

"What are you going to do? Tattle tale? Sounds like something a _girl_ would do."

In my mind I was shaking in fear(Which made no sense, I was older than those punks for crying out loud!), but the fact they were younger than me in mind and probably weaker in body made me stand my ground. I had not fought anyone outside of training, but these boys probably had never even _seen _training.

"Is fighting instead of talking alright?" I asked, trying to come off as confident, and possibly cocky to teach them a thing about pride. "Cuz'... I don't want to waste my time talking when I can just get it over with in seconds!"

I tried to keep myself from shaking in anticipation as they turned their full attention toward me, scowling.

"What, do you likethe half elves too? They're all desians! They need to be killed!" One of the boys said, and I was caught off guard by this enough to not even register that they wanted to _kill _a half elf because he was… well, a half elf.

_Half Elf?_ I thought, noticing the trembling form just past these large boys, and I scowled back at them, my resolve turning to steel. These weren't children, these were repetitive clones of their parents hatred!

Half elves are evil, they are despicable, they are so different from humans... all these things I had heard time and time again and it couldn't be any more false! They ignored the truth, they let the lingering feelings of their past predecessors influence the way they lived their lives in the present. I hated people who were like that.

I knew this, but I also knew blaming a bunch of nine year old brats for a history spanning further than a thousand years would do or change nothing.

Instead of stalling, I decided I had to go. There was a moments hesitation again before I took off into action(Because you know, I _love _fighting a bunch of kids), pushing off the ground and hoping all those push ups were paying off in my seven year old body as I threw the first punch.

I have to say I was rather surprised when I heard a crunch, and saw a boy fall to the ground as he let out a cry of pain. But I had no time to think, as I just made the signal to fight.

The next one came and tried to grab at my arm, but luckily I was fast enough to dodge it. I ducked as the other went to tackle me, and luckily he missed. I kicked him in the abdomen, knocking the wind out of him but forgetting about the blood on the ground. I slipped, but my instincts kicked in and I jumped back before I could fall as the last boy went to punch me, and punched the ground I was just standing over and potentially broke his hand.

_Wow, punching the ground looks _so _dumb._

He was out of the game for a while, so I turned to their victim to attempt to grab him and run. But instead of seeing _one,_ I saw _two _boys looking up at me in shock, as if they couldn't believe someone rescued them. To be honest, I couldn't believe it either. No matter what the age, I just got in a _fight_, something that didn't happen in my last life(Usually I finished my conflicts with good planning, _not_ with flying fists).

Deciding to think later, I quickly pulled the most injured boy to his feet, and gestured to the other one to get up and we ran out of there as quickly as possible. I didn't want to wait and see what happened next.

We were running for several minutes, before we stopped behind some crates on the side of the road to catch our breath. I was the first to recover, and during that time I gave the boys a look over.

The first one I noticed was a cyan haired boy who was most _definitely _a half elf. I didn't even need my mana sense to tell you that. He had pale skin and a set of dark, _dark _green eyes. He was rather skinny, and short like most elven children and pointy ears that were revealed when his tied hair blew back in the slight wind. He was the least injured, unlike what I initially believed thinking a _half elf _would be the one injured.

I recognized the second one just fine. Kaiden, the boy bunking in the room next to mine. He was on the ground crossed legged, and was supporting his weight with his hands on his knees as he hunched over. He had blond hair and freckles, dark brown eyes and I noticed that he was a _super_ adorable kid. If I was a child in mind as well, I would probably be blushing as red as an apple. I assumed he was protecting the elven boy from the bullies, since he was injured the worst. He sported a black eye and several dark bruises and cuts. It was then I couldn't help but feel bad for ignoring him in the orphanage, because he was obviously a good kid.

"Are you alright?" I asked cautiously, hoping neither boys would have too big of a reaction, good or bad.

Kaiden puffed his cheeks and looked away from me pointedly. He was being childish, which as of this moment was perfectly fine because he _was _a child. "You didn't have to do that you know… You could have gotten hurt!"

I scoffed, I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, but I had to make sure the two boys were okay. "I was expecting a thank you."

The green haired boy rolled his eyes at Kaiden, and the blond brat blinked once. Then, as if he remembered something, he turned to me.

"You helped us! I mean…! Do you.. Know?"

I tilted my head, and looked to the half elf boy. "You mean that he's a half elf?"

The mentioned boy jolted, then turned to look at me with narrowed eyes. "How did you..?"

"The boys trying to kill you mentioned it." I said distractedly. _Also you have green hair and pointy ears, _I thought to myself. _And your mana feels like a plant in the middle of spring._

"Then why did you save us?" Kaiden demanded to know, now sitting up straighter. I scowled back at him again, not at all amused with the boy's bad attitude. I knew talking to him was a bad idea! I clammed up after this, and turned to walk away without a word.

"I don't need to answer that." I told him, starting to walk. I was ready to go sit by myself and read for a bit. I remembered I had to go get a medicine kit for the my training, and I resisted the urge to groan. That was in the direction I was walking away from! I didn't want to turn back...

_I don't even remember what kind they wanted… Thats what I get for saving a bunch of snot nosed kids… _

"W-wait!"

I rolled my eyes and kept walking.

* * *

…

**A/N**

Yay for Eris's bad attitude!

Preview

"Ah! What luck, I was just about to look for you!"

"What?" I asked tilting my head, finally retracting my hand and standing limply, much like a stupefied child would.

"Good news, she came to _us_! Only The Goddess knows where this young one goes off to when she doesn't want to be found!"

I heard a very familiar laugh, and a even more familiar voice. "Oh I know. But once you find out, it gets plenty easy to figure it out. She's pretty predictable!"

"It would only last a couple weeks. No one has been adopting lately anyways, what with these hard times. It would be a good thing Sariah, Dorr has had his eye on her for a while…Don't they realize that the desians have been a little _too _quiet about all of this…?"

"Yes, you're right." The orphan captor named Sariah agreed, nodding grimly. "Its quite worrisome… I understand the necessity for safety, but its not so terrible that we must bring children into it… What I don't understand is why taking Eris away is necessary."

"Because," Tia spoke patiently. "If we get her out of here, it will give her a taste of her options. No matter how much Dorr really believes it, no place is safe from Desians. This way, she makes some more… outside connections. It would be wonderful for her training as well."

Sariah hummed, looking to me. "Have you asked her about this yet?"

"No. But knowing her, she has already figured it out. So its the same thing… Right Eris?

**A/N **

So, does Eris stay, or does she go? What is going on with Dorr? Is it the Dorr we _remember_, or the one we've heard so much about? Where does Tia want to take Eris?

Find out in the next chapter! :3

Chapter 3, Fight With No Hesitation!


	4. Chapter 3- Fight With No Hesitation

**Chapter 3**

**Fight With No Hesitation**

"Make up your mind to act decidedly and take the consequences. No good is ever done in this world by hesitation."

**A/N**

**Okay, next chapter is out... my writing style is going to change more as she gets older, because writing **_**everything**_** that happens in her life that isn't even relevant to the story is pointless. I try not to rush things, but hey. I'm only so talented. **

**Enjoy!**

"Eris."

I turned around from my spot on the ground, finishing up the tea I had made that morning and marking my spot in the book I had been reading for quite some time. It wasn't that interesting, but I had to admit that the stuff might have been important.

I had come earlier than usual to training that day, and was currently taking a small break. Due to life in the orphanage being a little bit more hectic than usual I felt the need to just _leave _before I got overwhelmed with the why's and hows of the things happening as of recent. Although there was always gossip and fear concerning a bit of everything, it wasn't every day that our politicians in charge actually did something. Our newest Governor-General Dorr had just changed a lot of things about the militia, so now instead of just being a city guard, it was a actual military to protect Palmacosta. So everyone was gossiping about it, and the orphanage was no exception.

I knew what happened in the future, but I didn't know what might have lead to it, so every little action set me off in a fit of anxiety and stress. I didn't know if there was something I could do to prevent anything, if there was anything I needed to stay away from, etcetera etcetera…

"Yeah?" I responded, turning to my teacher of a year.

She walked closer to me, setting her bag down and sitting on her usual stump. She seemed very calm, which wasn't exactly unusual, but this time there was a odd spark in her eyes, much like the time she took me in and started training my useless ass. "Do you know what makes a good opponent?"

_**An easy one is a dead one.**_ A voice in the back of my head whispered, and I was tempted to say it. But... I knew that wasn't the right answer. There was no time for joking around, because Tia looked serious about the question, even if she was also excited about our discussion. I knew I needed to focus.

I placed down my empty cup and book and looked at her quizzically, playing with the upper part of my ear, a habit that came from my past life. I had a single piercing there, my only piercing. I had gotten it with my mom for our birthday(We had the same birthday) before she ran away from home.

"No hesitation?"

She laughed a bit. Her frizzy dark hair flaring in the wind. It actually had not grown past its mid back length for quite some time. So I wondered if she was having Katherine cutting it, or she herself was. My hair was longer than I would have liked, at my shoulder blades.

"Close. But all humans hesitate."

She stood up, and took a wrapped... _thing _out of her bag and looked to me, a different look sparkling in her light eyes that time. More… Teasing, mischievous somehow. I eyed the wrapped item with disdain, knowing it was going to cause me at least a bit of grief within the next hour or so. But I _was _curious as to where she was getting at, so I didn't run before she could hurt me, but it wasn't like I had ran before. It wouldn't have been the first time she started a lesson in such a odd manner. Something was going down.

"Elaborate. Hesitation comes from dwelling on a decision. Decisions are made according to who we are. Who we are is our strength. Eris… What is your Focus?'

I contemplated this. My focus? I remembered watching many movies in my old life asking this. There were things like goals, morals, pleasures, but what did I chose _back then_…?

I remembered something new, about what Tia had said when we started training. _Past and future. Both can provide you with power, but only one can provide you strength. _A good fight comes with strong power. A good opponent comes with strong power. So if hesitation was a lack of self awareness, then she could be asking if I lived for the future or according to the past.

But what did _that_ mean? Was there no wrong answer, or was I far off? What was my focus? I didn't know how I decided to fight those boys the other day. I didn't hesitate at _first_, but I did later on. But that's because I was a idiot, I was _so sure_ that was I was doing was what I should have been doing in the first place.

Then I blinked. Why did it even matter in the first place? I would figure it out. Making a label for myself would hinder me right? I was me. And it wasn't in a 'I'm gonna be myself' way either. It was just a fact. A _fact_.

My made up who I was. I acted according to what's inward, not according to what I wanted to accomplish.

"My focus… " I started, looking up at her confused at the question, Not caring if I was wrong anymore because it was my final answer. I didn't want to care about anything but what I was feeling.

"I act according to who I am, no strings attached."

The medic hummed, and watched me thoughtfully. "Some would say such simplicity is immature."

"And I say why over complicate it? Labels can help, but they make people easy to be controlled by others."

I didn't want to be a part of the Cruxis fiasco. I knew everything was a lie, and if the world was dumb enough to play along, that was their fault. I knew I was acting just like the people who hated me because I didn't believe Martel was a goddess, but I was going to be selfish. I knew better, and I chose to ignore logic to suit me.

She was silent for a moment longer. she watched me with a calculating gaze. Then she smirked, and said "Oh really? You don't strive for anything, no goals? Nothing to protect? Fine. Give me your dagger."

For a moment I thought her to be banning me from training, she looked very thoughtful, and somewhat... Sad? I looked to my _stick_, before looking up at the woman blandly."But its a sti-"

"Eris!"

"Alright…"

I handed my stick to her, albeit reluctantly, and she took it and placed the package she had on the ground. The older woman looked at the tree appendage rather fondly, And I watched her curiously.

And before I could blink she snapped it in half.

I went wide eyed, and although I didn't say anything it felt… _odd _to watch it break like that, and suddenly the pocket I always kept it in didn't feel _lighter_, but… Emptier. It just felt like something that was a part of me disappeared. Much like when I stopped carrying my sketchbook around everywhere I went when I was a teenager in my past life. This made no sense though…

It was a _stick _for crying out loud.

"Feels wrong, doesn't it?" She said quietly, watching me. I nodded a bit as she folded her arms. "You want to know why it feels that way? Because a part of you believed it was a constant. The belief that it would be there when you looked again. That part of you was the dagger.. ."

I tilted my head, confused. Was she trying to tell me the dagger was a part of me? I wouldn't question it, since this _was _an alternate world after all, how much weirder could stuff get? Even if it did sound really, _really _dumb and cheesy.

"L-like symbolically or metaphorically? Because I'm pretty sure I'm perfectly healthy."

She tilted her head, ignoring my question. "Remember what it was like to lose that weapon. Never be caught off guard, and never let go of what's precious."

Somehow, I felt like those words were important, but I couldn't think of why.

She reached down, grabbing the package she removed from her bag earlier, and held it out to me. "This is yours… Its earlier than I expected, but… You're doing incredibly well, and with everything happening lately…" She trailed off, then snapped back to reality. She coughed awkwardly. "Use it carefully."

I eyed her suspiciously, before turning my gaze down to the package. I took it hesitantly, worried that if I took it too fast, I would offend her. When she simply stared as I took it, I loosened up a bit and stoically opened the package.

It took a moment for me to take it in, and I blinked to see if it was real. When it was still there, I wasted no time ripping the paper completely and holding the gift in front of me.

"A-a dagger?!" I squeaked, holding out the beautiful blade in front of me. It was simple,(To this world's standards) as all it had a vine design on the hilt. It was blue and black, the dagger itself was a metallic color. This worlds weaponry was far more impressive than ours, because we used _guns _and _bows_, and other complicated weaponry, while this world has been using weapons like swords for far longer than we did, so they were more sacred and had more techniques to make them beautiful.

Tia laughed, now brightening up more as she began watching me swing it around experimentally and very childishly. Spazzing out would never support the fact that I was an adult by all rights, but it wasn't like I planned to tell anyone the truth anyways.

"Yep! Be sure not to hurt yourself. Also now that you have a dagger, I decided that tomorrow we are getting you more equipment to execute our style of fighting."

I nodded enthusiastically, feeling the first ray of hope swell in my heart in a _long _time. I could fight now. I wasn't useless anymore. _Tia _thought I could fight, so… I could. I would pave a path for _myself_.

"Eris… Part of the reason I decided to do this was because I know what happened yesterday." I froze mid swing, my focus shooting up to Tia.

"Y-you aren't mad at me..?"

She laughed.

"Mad? Eris, you don't care about anyone but yourself. For some reason, you saved a half elf." She emphasised. "I learned something about you… And what I learned is you are here for a reason."

I felt my heart swell. I was so delighted, I could die. No one had ever talked to me like that, like I had a place. I felt like she was complimenting me, and she was, and I was just so happy I made her proud.

My mother had left us. My old mother… I loved her, but she didn't want to _be _a mother. Feeling like she was suffering because I was born… It was a horrible feeling. Like I wasn't meant to be born, like I didn't belong. Being born in this world, where I truly felt as if I wasn't meant to exist, and I had proof and memories to back it up did nothing to make me feel better.

With tears in my eyes, I whispered "Thank you… For teaching me these things. Thank you _so much_."

She simply smiled and ruffled my hair. "Your welcome."

.

After I started carrying my dagger around, I began to get mixed feelings from my peers.

Most were iffy around me, thinking that I might test it out on them or something. The only people who were okay with me having it was a few mature ones and Ann. Lucky for me, Kaiden had not found me yet. He didn't know where I went, where I stayed, or exactly who I was and I was content to keep it that way.

This was fine with me. I wanted out of Palmacosta anyway. Fear was weakness, so I felt no pity for the future that loomed over the city of trade.

Thats what I tried telling myself anyway. It was hard to feel like that with Anns large eyes smiling down at me.

.

As promised, she took me shopping for some new gear. I was worried about the cost, but she assured me the expensive bits would last as long as I took care of them, and being a competent doctor was especially gratifying in terms of money and health.

It was the first time I went to the Izoold pier. I recognized it as the pier you initially came in the game after making that one guy take the party to Palmacosta. There were dozens of shops dedicated to travelers from across the world, so it varied in things like souvenirs, traveling gear, foods, weapons and armour.

First off, was the gear. It was really surprising, just how much we got. Apparently I needed a _lot _of pouches. There was one leg holster, a belt with a slot for my dagger, and one for my stomach that belted up in a x shape with a large sack in my mid back.

She got me new clothes as well, because in order to use these pouches, I needed a very specific kind of clothing. It had to be accessible to the inside of my jacket, easily accessible to my boots, and she said it was just plain uncomfortable to have the leather straps over clothing, because it bunches together awkwardly.

I agreed with her, remembering wearing backbacks with baggy clothes in my past life.

It was kind of provocative, even for a young adult, and it was slightly embarrassing. But the point of it was to give me full access to my body, to be able to reach into different pouches without clothing in the way.

First, was my belly shirt. It was sleeved, and I had a over jacket that cut off just below the undershirt, it was baggy around the torso but tight on the arms. It was blue and gray, and it slightly covered the pouch on my back. Then I had baggy short shorts, and I was lucky I had a belt to hold it in place. I had boots too, they were deceivingly slow looking due to their size, but it actually gave me room for ankle movement and stayed tight on my feet.

Then was the actual toys.

In my thigh pouch, I got three throwing knives to carry around inside of it, and inside my stomach one were made for poisons and various bombs. All she trusted me with at that moment was the smoke bombs and Hot sauce.

For practice.

"But _hot sauce_? Thats so lame!" I exclaimed in disbelief. I was a grown ass _woman_, I wasn't about to use hot sauce on my opponent! Looking up at her, she had that familiar glitter in her eyes, and I knew she was enjoying my irritation. I was sure the best part of teaching was pissing off your students.

She was explaining how she expected me to learn for a while, and how our training was changing due to the change. She decided to sit around in a tea place she liked, ordered us both tea, and decided that day would be a pun day.

"I didn't order a glass of your opinion!" She joked back, taking a sip of her own tea. "I actually ordered peach tea. Want some? I _know_ you love tea…"

I looked away from the drink in disgust, sticking out my toungue in distaste. "Yeah, but..._Fruit_ tea? Thats disgusting, how do you drink that?"

Tia laughed loudly, throwing her head back. "Seriously? You love tea, and you love fruit, but not Fruit _Tea_..?"

"No. way." I announced, taking another sip from my assuredly _not _fruity tea. It was actually something called _Kirima Tea_… Tia recommended it and I had never heard of it, but it actually tasted fairly good, if not a little sweet. In fact, I would think it was fruit, if not for the non fruity name and decent taste. "Thats just juice! Not tea!"

Tia snorted. "Is that so?.. Have you ever heard of the Luin Gardens?"

I furrowed my eyebrows at the odd subject change, but I answered her question. "A bit. Its super good or something isn't it?"

Tia held in a laugh as she continued. "Thats right… In fact it so successful, it has the most variety of fruits known to the world. Even the rare ones. Do you know which fruit is the rarest of all there?"

I tilted my head, taking a rather large gulp of tea. "No actually. What is it?"

"The wonderful Kirima fruit. And by wonderful, I mean _fruity._"

It took me a moment to realize what she was getting at, and when I did my eyes went wide in shock and I immediately spat out my drink. It took me several seconds to do this, the older green eyed woman now letting her laughter loose.

_Kirima Tea!_

"S-seriously!?" I squeaked, my eight year old voice cracking. "W-wha- I- Bu- I mean...Th-th-thats…"

I shivered in disgust, stomach queasy, _fruity tea… grk… _ and she laughed even louder. It was odd how if something tasted good, it would only taste _bad_ if it didn't match your interests.

I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah… Yeah, laugh it up, I heard laughter makes wrinkles go away, and you need it."

Her laughter died down, and she looked to me more thoughtfully. She rested her head on her hand, and said softly, "... The Kirima fruit was always my favorite as a little girl… My sister used to take me there after my father finished training me."

She looked out into the sea, smiling. "It was the best… She was the best." She turned to me, and her smile expanded. "I'll have to bring you one sometime. In fact, we should go and get some at a point in our travels. I have a friend who lives there, he just had a little boy. He owns the farms, it's passed down in his family."

I watched her carefully. It was pretty obvious she had just shared a very fond and personal memory. Suddenly I felt closer to her, like something shifted, but I couldn't tell what it was _exactly_ for the life of me...

.

I should have known that it would happen.

Kaiden was the loudest, most persistent boy in the history of children, so of _course _he wouldn't leave me alone the second he discovered me.

"H-hey! You're that girl who sa-er… H-helped us out! Aren't you?!"

I froze at the voice, and it took me only seconds to realize that things were about to get _really _irritating. I spun around to find the source of the voice, and I saw a familiar mop of green and brown haired boys.

"Uh." I stared at them, forcing myself to squint as if I didn't recognize them at all. I wanted to keep them as far away from me as possible, they were the last kids I wanted to talk to at that moment. "I dunno, maybe?"

"Y-yeah, it was you." The green haired half elf spoke, looking away from me. Not out of shyness, but something different. "Its hard to forget someone as freakish as _you_."

The bitterness confused me slightly. Yeah, it was hard to understand that some humans didn't hate your race, but I still helped him out. Why was he so angry?

"And its hard to help out brats as _annoying_ as you." I responded bitingly, appalled at the complete lack of manners. If they showed no decency, I would give them no respect no matter how much they expected it. _What's wrong with these kids?_

"B-brats?" The blond haired rascal repeated, looking at me with disdain. "Quit treating us like we're smaller than you! You look the same age as us!"

I was curious. At this point in my age, I could barely tell the difference between a ten year old and a eight year old, so I actually wanted to know how kids 'my age' actually acted, and Ann along with those bullies didn't really count. Ann was smart, and those bullies were idiots.

"Really? And how old are you two?" I asked, tilting my head.

"Nine!" Kaiden answered. "Well. Almost nine. He's nine." He gestured to the half elf boy, who simply scowled at the taller boy.

So they were older than me. That was always the weirdest part about rebirth. The whole _age _thing.

I nodded in response, and tried walking away without a word. But before I could, Kaiden jumped in front of me waving his hands obnoxiously as if they would distract me from getting away.

"Wha-hey! Why are you walking away?"

His face was peering at me curiously from a close angle, and I was irritated about his lack of respect for my personal bubble. It made sense, because its hard to understand other people outside yourself when you're his age. Knowing how they are, they most likely are just curious about me, because I had then made myself known as a odd, therefore _interesting _subject.

"Theres nothing to talk about… Why? Do you need something from me?" I asked him, trying my best to look bored and uninterested. Bored people are boring people after all. And if I appeared boring, that meant I wasn't _interesting…_ Right?

"If you don't want to talk to us…" The half elf boy spoke, looking at me with a serious face. No anger, which was surprising coming from such a angry child. "Can you at least tell us your name?"

Ignoring the fact that it was rude to ask for a name before giving one(in my _old _world at least), I sighed and figured _whats the harm_?

"Eris. No last name." I turned to the green haired boy. "And you? Whats your name?"

Said boy looked to me curiously, and he opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by his rather loud companion.

"What, are you not gonna ask for mine?! I bet you _really _want to know that, huh?" This whole line reminded me of something from my past life, but I knew it had nothing to do with this world, so I ignored the deja-vu.

I stuck up my nose. "Not really." I said, because I already _knew _his name, and I didn't want him to think I was especially curious. I felt that the green haired boy would leave me alone, because the only reason he would have to speak to me again would be because of the other boy.

Kaiden huffed, and grumbled under his breath, as his friend glanced at the taller companion to make sure there was no more interruptions, and said "Giles… Corden…"

I nodded in response and walked past Kaiden, who was dumbly standing there, to go back into my room and grab a blanket to sneak out on the roof to watch the stars. I walked out the back door in the orphanage though, not regarding the small threat of gangs and considering Kaiden as a much more dangerous enemy.

Didn't want to be annoyed to death.

.

It wasn't even a week later when my teacher and mine's conversation about traveling from that day came up.

I had just walked into the orphanage with a plum in hand, and was about to open the door when it was opened for me. My hand was still out when I blinked once before looking up at the temporary doorwoman, the orphanage owner, an especially old woman who was probably about to die any minute. I had not ever really spoken to her unless it was necessary, there were a few times she had tried and I ran off before she could.

"Ah! What luck, I was just about to look for you!" Her tin foil like voice said, lined with pure amusement. I never got what old people laughed at, probably since the oldest I've ever been was 24, I assumed it was irony that made them most amused.

"What?" I asked tilting my head, finally retracting my hand and standing limply, much like a stupefied child would. No one _ever _went out of their way to search for me. Especially me. So the fact she chose today made me incredibly curious as to what was going on. She turned around and walked into the house, and I followed her as she laughed lightly.

"Good news, she came to _us_! Only the Goddess knows where this young one goes off to when she doesn't want to be found!"

I heard a very familiar laugh, and a even more familiar voice. "Oh I know. But once you find out, it gets plenty easy to figure it out. She's pretty predictable!"

I walked in further to see Tia sitting on the couch comfortably, and she motioned me to sit in front of her, next to the orphan keeper.

I did so, and watched hesitantly as my teacher seemed to resume speaking. "It would only last a couple weeks. No one has been adopting lately anyways, what with these hard times. It would be a good thing Sariah, Dorr has had his eye on her for a while… it worries me."

At this point, my curiosity was spiked and oddly enough, my worry as well. _Are they talking about _me_? _ I thought, listening closely.

"Yes, you're right." The orphan captor named Sariah agreed, nodding grimly. "Its quite worrisome… I understand the necessity for safety, but its not so terrible that we must bring children into it… What I don't understand is why taking Eris away is necessary."

I focused in more after this, _so they _are _talking about me! _I thought, trying not to verbally ask questions. Where is she taking me? What does Dorr want with me? And what is he trying to bring me into? It was only my self control that kept me silent.

"Because," Tia spoke patiently. "If we get her out of here, it will give her a taste of her options. No matter how much Dorr really believes it or rather _wants us_ to believe it, no place is safe from Desians. This way, she makes some more… outside connections. It would be wonderful for her training as well."

So it was about the militia Dorr was trying to expand. He was finding new recruits every day, even allowing women to join. But apparently he was okay with children recruits, because from what I gathered he'd asked Tia to allow me to be trained by the militia a while ago. Was there no one else training to fight like I was? Or maybe it was just because he was impatient… or he thought I could be controlled? Which would explain why Tia wanted me out of here to find other options. But who knew, I didn't really know the political stance of Palmacosta right now, Clara might not even be dead yet.

I knew for a fact Dorr turned his government into a secret based operation. There were two sides, civilian and politically involved civilians. One was ignorant of _everything_, and the other enforced control based off the people's ignorance. Just like the Church of Martel. But you could only keep so many secrets for so long, and of course there were people like Tia who got outside the city, who could see something was wrong.

But this meant the events of the game was seriously downplayed in my world like I initially thought. The violence, the cruelty, even the politics was watered down. Because unlike how it sounded in the game, people were aware of the lack of political and military strength. Or at least, they were smart enough to be cynical about the amount of power they truly had… Clara wasn't dead at that point in time, I thought.

Sariah hummed, looking to me. "Have you asked her about this yet?"

"No. But knowing her, she has already guessed. So its the same thing… Right Eris?" Tia laughed a bit, looking at me.

I nodded, smiling a bit. "Yeah… Dorr is getting a little too confident in his politics. Right? Well I'm all for it. I've always wanted to travel anyway."

Tia laughed, as she turned to the surprised elderly woman. "See? Its fine with her. She knows the details. But is it fine with _you_?"

Sariah looked closely at Tia, surprisingly calculating for a kind old woman. She looked like she wanted to ask something, but didn't most likely on the account I was in the room.

"... Its fine I suppose. But about my proposition… Are you sure you want to decline?"

Tia sighed, looking down rather sadly. "... I'm afraid with my profession… It will be hard to take more than two. I'm afraid doing _that _would complicate life more than it should."

Sariah nodded and sighed in submission. "Very well… For both your sakes, I hope all turns out well then." She turned to me, and I looked back to her in acknowledgement. "Pack your things… You've never traveled, so Tia will help you gather your necessities."

.

A day after, I was saying my goodbyes(Mostly to Ann, and the orphan keeper as a obligation) and waiting for Tia in front of her house. Katherine had come out, and sat with me.

"Grandmother says you have a lot of talent in combat."

I turned to her, noticing her looking straight forward instead of at me as she spoke. Her eyes were narrowed, and her light blond hair fell in strands over her eyes. She didn't bother to move them.

_Jealousy, maybe…? _I thought, looking away from her. "Yeah… but I wish I _could_ heal." I said, trying to reign in her envy. "It's very valuable. Its easy to _protect_ yourself, but to _fix_ yourself is a whole other story. You have to be smart with who and how you heal."

This time she did look at me, her eyebrows furrowed. "Yeah… But I can't really _fix _anything. All I can do is assist grandma when she does, and she can _fight _too!" She turned away from me once again, and I could understand how she felt.

Its one thing to have only one specialty and be good at it. Its different when you only have one mediocre ability that isn't even sought after. Its very discouraging.

"I wish," She continued, breathing a sigh. "I wish I could help her. To _do _something! I hate being the weak link…!"

"Well then get better." I snapped, fully turned toward her. Her head swung in my direction, and our eyes locked. Hers were wide in shock, so wide I could see my whole reflection in them. I wasn't a nice person, she was being pathetic. Envy… envy ruins people. Friendships, relationships… It was annoying, people who couldn't reign in those feelings. "Wishing isn't good enough. You have to fight for it, believe in your reasons_._" I told her, trying not to sound too harsh, but harsh enough to make a point.

"Maybe you _are_ the weak link." I continued, holding her gaze. "But the only one who can change that is you, don't blame others for your weakness. Others being weaker than you will only make _you _feel better. Thats not what healers do, right? It _helps_ to get encouragement… But if _attention_ is what you thrive on to get strong, I'm sorry to say _you aren't going to survive._"

We kept our staredown going for a bit longer, until her gaze turned to something more remorseful, and she looked down.

"Thats not really the point…" She said weakly. "Grandmother… Barely even trains me anymore because she's so busy focusing on _you._"

At this point I felt a little bad, but my pride screamed at me, _She's just denying it because your right! She could get plenty strong without Tia's help, she's just a attention whore! Can't I ever get anything for myself? _I kept completely silent though, because I knew, I _knew _it wasn't fair of me to think that way. I had legitimate reasons to get strong, but then again… So did she. She felt as if doing this would bring her close to her grandmother.

_**Your allowed to **_**think** _**however you want. **_A voice whispered to me, but I shaked it off, knowing if I thought however I wanted, I wouldn't feel good about it.

But of course I couldn't _lie _to her or myself about it, so I lightly said "You know… you have _options_ though. Things won't always go your way, whether it's fair or not."

"I feel like you're just being selfish!" She told me, teary eyed.

"What can _I _do?" I asked her, genuinely curious. What did she want me to do? Refuse Tia's training? Because that wasn't about to happen. I didn't hate the girl, because I knew what it was like to be twelve. Although she was pretty mature for her age, there were many things she missed. "Or rather, what do you expect me to do?"

"I-I don't know!" She exclaimed, now having the decency to look embarrassed. "Talk to her?"

I frowned, tilting my head a bit. "Katherine… I'm not about to talk to my _teacher_ about her personal life."

The older girl looked at me, then laughed somewhat emotionally. "This is crazy… I feel like I'm talking to my mother…"

I smiled at her wryly, and said "I try."

.

"Where are we going anyways?" I asked as we made our way up north, just me and Tia. This was rather surprising actually, as people usually only traveled in extremely large or medium sized groups, rather than pairs.

"We're heading to a small village just a mile away from Palmacosta," She said, not looking back as she walked. "It has a boat that can fit several people. Chances are we wont get on the same one, but…" She shrugged.

I nodded, and wondered what village she was talking about. I didn't remember anything past Palmacosta, except the pass that I remembered being a pain to get through.

"What's it called?" I asked, hoping that the name would ring a bell. She looked at me curiously, eyebrow raised.

"I figured you would have heard of it." She commented, but before I could speak she was already looking forward and speaking again. "Niflheim. Its not a common place, but us small group travelers basically depend on it to survive."

I tilted my head, remembering that name, but… not in the game. "So you use it a lot?"

She laughed a bit. "Yes. Unfortunately…." Trailing off, I saw her stop, and I stopped as well. Before I could ask what was wrong, four bandits jumped from the trees. I immediately yelped, as I jumped and fumbled with my dagger, pulling it out and holding it in front of me somewhat steadily. I lowered myself into a battle ready stance, hoping all went well.

"This place is easy pickings for bandits!"

.

We eventually made it to the village, which was basically a ship port. Oddly enough though, everyone in this village was… uh… odd…?

"In a very unrelated note…" I said, eying the odd sight before me. "Would this place, by any chance… Be a… ah…"

"While this place is for small group travelers," Tia laughed, walking ahead of me as I looked around in awe. "Its also a farming village."

Sure enough, there were _tons _of animals. Everywhere. Like, you couldn't even move three feet without bumping into an animal, with a human or not.

"Why are they all loose?" I asked curiously, watching as a man passed by with a… ah… Giant blob on a leash(I know right? What a world we're living in).

Tia frowned as we crossed the street. "If we leave them in the fields, the Desians wreak havoc and destroy them." She explained. "So the only way to keep out livestock safe… is by keeping them in the village, where even if the Desians come back, the animals can't run away."

I let out a wordless 'Oh', and looked around once again at the village in a new light. I now noticed the weariness the villagers held, and suddenly this new place didn't seem as lively as before. It was never mentioned in the game, like a lot of things, and I wondered just how many more nameless villages were affected by the desians reign.

I remembered when I first beat the game, the feeling of satisfaction I held. _Everything has been fixed, the end!_ I had thought to myself, and continued fantasising for the longest time afterwards. But after seeing just how much in the game was downplayed, and realizing that this wasn't some fantasy any more, some _tale_ to be retold, I found myself worrying about Sylvarant and my own well being.

The Desians left no room for leadership or government, how was this world going to recover? I remembered the second game it had a light shed on it, but, again, _just how much was downplayed?_

We quickly reserved a spot in a small rundown inn, and placed our things in the room. It was a simple cabin like room, with two twin sized beds next to each other and space on either side with a large cabinet in the middle, and I table in front of them. It costed about 200 gald, rather cheap actually, but to be expected in a traveler village in Sylvarant.

I put my small hip pouch(Thats _all _she let me bring. Basicly the only things I had were absolute necessities, since it was the size of a cat. It was easy to travel with at least, since it was small and was positioned on my back, right below my supply pouch.

Which meant barely any spare clothes.

Hooray.

We made our way to the harbor, and there were a couple large boats and several fishing boats. There was tons of people, and of course, animals standing around, and probably talking about the weather or something. We walked over to the far end of the harbor, where there were smaller boats waiting and the one we walked to was one of the average looking fishing boats.

"Hey woody, long time no see!" Tia called out, a light laugh lining her voice.

I looked around, trying to find who she was talking to, when I saw a head pop up from behind the boat we were standing at and a _large_ middle aged man walked over to us.

"Tia! Its been ages!" He called out in a gruff voice as his burly body stopped just before our own smaller forms.

"Speak for yourself, I feel like I saw you just yesterday!" Tia teased, placing a hand on my head.

"Ay," the man replied, laughing a bit. "I see _you_ haven't aged a day!"

He looked at me, and with a grin he said "Now there's no way this girl is little Katherine… So is this the girl you planned to teach?"

"_Is_ teaching." Tia corrected, pushing me forward a bit. "Balder, this is Eris. Eris, this is a old friend of mine from long ago, Balder. In fact, he's the man who owns the Luin farm I was telling you about. "

Balder laughed a bit. "Its nice to meet you lass. Tis is true, me and Tia here go way back. We were childhood friends in Luin."

I looked away from him and nodded, feeling somewhat out of place.

"She's a very odd one as I mentioned." Tia said, eyeing me. "Quite smart for her age… Makes me wish I... met her parents."

Balder nodded, peering at me while he hummed. That statement had a lot more than met the eye- I mean ear- but I couldn't really tell what exactly it meant. "Ay. You can see it in her eyes, she's a survivor. Makes this a dangerous game you're playing."

I peered at him curiously, wondering what she was getting at.

"Yes," Tia agreed, crossing her arms. "But I have faith in her. This reminds me… I have a favor."

Balder sighed dramatically, and nodded. "Should have known… Let me guess, you need a ride on me boat, correct?"

Tia nodded and laughed heartily. "You know me so well. I'd visit more if I could you know, but I'm limited to necessity. Dorr is making it harder and harder to get out of town lately, what with the new patrols. Most like the protection, but…"

"Freedom is priceless." Balder agreed, stroking his beard. "Its goin' ta be dangerous I assure you. But its nothing new! I'll be ready by tomorrow, you know the drill."

Tia softly smiled, seeming to recall something as he said that. "Yes… I do."

.

After a good nights rest and breakfast(It was my turn, so I cooked eggs), we were on our way up north and on the boat.

Balder was busy steering and watching out for monsters, so it was mostly just me and Tia.

"There is a story my mother used to tell me," She began one day, looking out into the ocean as she was lost in thought. "Of a young girl who was a tormented prisoner, and she suffered unrelenting pain on a daily basis. She blamed this pain on her heart, and said "If only I could get rid of it, I would be free of any more suffering"... A Card appeared in the shadows. He introduced himself as The Thirteen of Hearts, but where the hearts should be, there was simply holes _shaped_ like hearts. The young girl told the card this, and he said "You're right! I suppose I'm the thirteen of _heartless_." The young girl sighed, and said "I wish _I _was heartless… This heart of mine seems much too troublesome." The Card simply laughed.

""Why don't you?" he asked her, jumping on her shoulder. She looked at him and said "Young girls like me need our hearts, Card." When he simply tilted his body, for he had no head, she said "If we don't, we'll surely die."

The Card cackled, "Do you? Because that sounds like a rule, and I'm not very fond of rules. Tell you what!" He leaned closer to the girls ear and said "If you give me the rule that keeps you from taking your heart away, You will be able to do do just that! Because I am ruleless, and any rule I have is no rule at all!"

"The girl pondered this, and said "You can _take_ a rule? The 'rule' I suppose... Is that little girls need their hearts to live. But... you could take my heart?" The Card hummed in confirmation, "And I'll tell you what!" He whispered, "I'll even look after your heart for you!" She pondered this, and after thinking, she said "I have nothing to lose… I'll let you have it." And with that said, and a little dance of The Card, she gave up her small heart and she became Malice."

I waited for more, but when Tia didn't speak, I asked "Isn't there more?"

She sighed, turned me me, and said "Eris… Don't you know the number one rule when it comes to storytelling? Ann- I mean, a old friend of mine used to tell me all the time." I shook my head, and waited for her to say more.

The wind blew rather peacefully, and the ship swayed. The sound of the ocean hitting the boat was very rhythmic and I felt my heart soar at the beauty of it all. It reminded me of home, and after I realized this, my heart gripped in pain.

"You can't have a story without a heart."

.

**A/N**

**Wow. Believe it or not, a ****_lot _****of things happened in this chapter. Foreshadowing, character development, plot development... So, uh. Yeah. **

**Chapter 3- Price of Time**

"Tia!" I called out, trying to make my way through the crowed, only to be held back.

"We can't let you do that kiddo." A older man told me, and I looked back up to him with wide eyes. I recognized him as one of the mercenaries Tia introduced me to. "Tia would kill me if I let anything happen to you."

"What do you think you're doing?!"I heard Tia shout authority lining her voice. "Do you have no honor? These are children!"

I gritted my teeth. I had to help her!

_But what can I do? Get myself into trouble?_

_**That sounds nice. Add a couple of other people in the mess, and you're all set!**_

Gah! Why couldn't I just focus? It was just so… Ugh, It didn't matter! I couldn't do nothing. I.. I had to….

Tia.

"T-Tia!" I called out, my voice cracking. "Tia!"

.


	5. Chapter 4- Price of Time

**Chapter 4**

**Price of Time**

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."

**A/N**

**Oh my gosh, I'm sooooo sorry I haven't updated. **

**heres the thing though- my mom took off with the computer charger, so I couldn't actually charge my laptop in forever. Whoops. **

**Also, even though I had this chapter done for a while… I was struggling with posting it, just because… Well, I feel like I did it wrong. Like, its necessary, but in regards to the future? Yeah. Plot stuff.**

**I decided to post it anyways, and I'd edit it later. So… not proud of this one, but… Yeah. Also, ANY IDEAS OR THOUGHTS ON THIS STORY, SUGGEST THEM. I will consider them, and I'm not begging for reviews or anything, but if there's anything you're particularly concerned about or want to see, tell me. **

**And on that note, questions for anyone who cares. **

**What are your hopes for seeing in a family relationship between Kratos, Lloyd, and her? I need to decide an ending(hehe), although I have much of it planned, I kinda wanna hear thoughts. **

On that trip, we met many people that could prove useful for a traveling job hunter like Tia and soon to be, me. After we got off the boat our first destination was Asgard, as it was further than the first walk to the village, but it wasn't too hard with my excessive physical training. It took about a day, and we were ambushed a couple times, but I was starting to get used to it.

Fighting with Tia got me used to basically fighting alone, because she mostly stood back and made sure I didn't get killed as she healed. Of course, there were a few times I severely screwed up and she had to rescue me, but basically she told me where I went wrong.

The chance of death was a good learning motivator.

As I watched her battle in such a graceful manner, hardly breaking a sweat, I wondered how with all her skill managed to find the time to expertly learn her healing. I guessed it was because she was old, but I could never be too sure as she jumped around as if she had never aged in the first place.

Connections in this world was useful. Why? Because this work was dead set on only hiring familiar faces, and with a world with no set law you needed to know who you were working with. Not that it mattered to me, as long as I could get away from anything I wanted. Palmacosta wasn't really my thing, and neither was getting to know anyone who would die. After all, why should I stop it? Who cared about morals, or other's feelings? As long as I could stay away from anyone who wanted to truly convert me to Sylvarant.

I was never forgetting earth.

I met the mayor, who Tia seemed to be acquaintances with due to her medicinal knowledge. The faces of the people I met wasn't really relevant, so I'll say its more important to say, we met the innkeeper who she was even closer to, as he owned the expensive Inn up on the hill. Asgard had a variety of Inns, a lot of tourist attractions, and _many _shops. Unlike Palmacosta, where nothing was really separated. Things were built wherever they were built in our city, because everyone in Palmacosta was there for a reason, not vacation. I _loved _the place. Tia was extremely amused to see my enthusiasm, and I wondered how she wasn't stoked to be in Asgard.

Asgard was a wind based town, and although the Mana in the air was unpleasant, I found the fact that the place was filled with _Dragons_ made it fine. Yes, dragons existed in this world. I didn't know this, so when I was enveloped in a sudden shadow, I squealed a bit in surprise before looking up.

They were beautiful. The first one I saw was a rare one. Fast, mobile, and colorful. You'd think that'd make a dragon easy to spot, bit to my surprise as soon as it took off into the clouds it was _gone._

The snake Dragons were more common, and more weak. They were also the only truly violent flying reptiles known to man. Their favorite cuisine? Salad. With a side of raw _human_. Interestingly enough, half elves didn't seem appealing as long as they were not provoked. But alas, they had a short temper, so it wasn't _un_common to hear of a poor half elf getting viciously attacked by one. There were dragonriders patrolling the area of Asgard, making sure that the Snake dragons got nowhere near the city, and that no travelers set them off.

Me and Tia got attacked by one, and having no connections to any dragon rider or Asgardian had no way to get rid of them besides taking them out nicely.

They were flying all over the place. Very few actually lingered around the town area, most of them appearing over the cliff on the outskirts of Asgard. They seemed to dwell on the mountain on the other side of the cliff. Truthfully, Asgard was located _on_ the mountain and not the base, but there was a large fall from even the low lands. But the dragons dwelled on the top of the Asgard mountains, unfortunately no one could get up there unless they were willing to risk dying or never returning.

I was though. But I thought I should save what was left of my life a bit longer.

Actually, Asgard was one of the lesser race discriminating cities. Many of its ruins had pictures of elven people as well as human, so while there was still a controversy(And always there would be) on the acceptance of half elves, it wasn't nearly as much as a problem as Palmacosta. There was also the fact that the ranch was like a far off dream to the Asgardians, only an inkling of fear given to them by mouth by tourists or travelers.

We stayed there a few days, and I met a few more people. She had a lot of acquaintances, and after she found out just how much I enjoyed the place we stayed a bit longer. I got several odd trinkets, including a toy that changed color depending on the mana concentration(It was green in Asgard), and a wind howler that made an odd noise whenever wind blew. There were lots of fascinating ruins, and stories the villagers were happy to tell. I didn't have time to visit the stone slab at the wind temple, but I figured I could do that another time if I remembered.

The next stop was Hima. It was by far the most grueling walk ever(more so than the Asgard mountains), and although it was thrilling to visit a place from my ex-favorite video game, _the walk was not worth it._

I met only one contact there, and at first I thought _just one person for that entire walk?_, but when I talked to the couple I was shocked at just how many things they from rumors to legends, it made no sense considering they live in _Hima. _

Tia grew increasingly irritated as she trained me sometimes, because I began leaning toward the easier side of combat. Instead of assault, I would simply throw poison or paralyzing powder and be done with it. She wanted to teach me to _fight_. I was already resourceful, and trying to fight would be the only way to defend myself sometimes. I knew this, but I simply got lazy and didn't want to go through the effort if I could simply get things over with in a moment. I was banned from using poisons unless that was how I was training until further notice.

Next was the most interesting place. Many things happened there, none of which I can remember and all of it important both in the plot and my present life- My mother of Aselia was born here.

Luin.

It was rather large, and a beautiful city. It was hard to believe it was the place most likely had the most terrifying experiences with the Desians. Even though it was called the _Asgard _ranch, there was no doubt it was truly the _Luin_ ranch.

There were many desians around I was sure, but like Palmacosta they kept their distance from the towns. Only coming in platoons or large hoards, to either remind us human of our valueless position or to take more from the people.

There, I met a couple of store keepers, one Innkeeper, a sailor, a traveling merchant, a sword master, a mercenary, and most interesting enough, a _pirate._

Like, a legit pirate who looks for treasure and has a crew and _kills people._

I didn't ask Tia how she knew them.

I killed a man for the first time when I was nine.

It was a accident to be honest, but it was still numbing. But not so morally painful I wanted to die in their place like I was always told I would in my past life.

It was clean, it was efficient, and sure I was bothered by it and I would rather _not_, but I found I would never hesitate to do it again if I had to. I got over it. But I found the more I did it, the more numbed to violence I would become.

On our travels told me many stories in her childhood, and I grew closer and closer to her. She still spoke highly of the fruits and herbs her family grew, and over the years, we traveled together many more times, and by the time I was close to eleven years old I could almost swear I knew _every _merchant on the east side of Sylvarant. Katherine came with us sometimes, although nothing really changed but numbers.

We never went to Triet or anything on that side, and when I asked, it was because it would take too long to get there, and there are barely any boats heading to Izoold. I didn't question why we didn't go through the north entrance. I didn't feel like walking, and I was scared if we did, we would end up in Iselia, except… I kinda _wanted _to meet Lloyd. To meet him as he _was._

It was selfish of me, I mean I didn't even _belong _in Aselia, let alone in his life. I lost my chance at family, _its not fair to Lloyd, not fair to anyone, I'll just be messing with fate…_

Even though I would never get the guts to act that way, to find him and be a sister, It didn't change the fact I _wanted _to.

_**How can fate exist with **_**you** _**here? There is no fate for you, why does there need to be for someone else? **_I shook my head. I would have thoughts like those often, where even though I _owned _them, I couldn't quite understand them… It was really odd, like I was smart enough to _think _it, but something kept me from pondering it. I had this problem even in my last life, it was sort of like deja vu, but opposite. Kinda.

I ignored it.

.

I kept up in my training, and with the fights we got into with monsters and various bandits in our monthly travels, I got pretty good.

I kept up rather well, and it got to the point where I could easily take down any monster with a flick of my wrist and any bandit with rather simple maneuvers. The rare case where we would have to escape from a trouble making Desian groups were, yes, scary, but we knew _especially _how to run, so we never actually fought them. I was still getting used to them, nonetheless.

I could proudly say, I was getting confident. I could feel myself getting overconfident though, but I just couldn't help it. I had nothing to knock me down a few notches, me being strong enough to knock anyone who tried down to their knees.

I started going to Tia's home to eat dinner with her family, and with Katherine it was awkward at first, but we eventually became somewhat of friends. It was tentative, and it was odd watching the bratty, slightly bitter young lady grow up to be a decent satisfied woman. Yes, she was loud. But so was I growing up. The first time around I mean.

Tia would laugh rather loudly as she told a funny story, or close her eyes contently as she told one last fable, and she would send me off with a book, trusting me to return it before we left on our travels. She didn't like me taking them, because even though I was oddly focused for a child, I still had a childs physical mind, so focusing while immersed in something I liked doing was difficult.

Which was bad in the wilderness, where there were monsters and robbers and _ladybugs_. The ladybugs were such angry creatures. Like, they would literally wake up _just _so they could pick a fight with you. Haughty creatures they were...

"Eris, aim for its wings!"

Jumping out of the way of a rather vicious dive the monster delivered, I glanced at her quickly, being sure to keep my eye on the angry bugs flying around us.

I took out one of my new throwing knives, aiming for its wings. I hit the bugs side instead, but luckily it threw the thing off balance and it fell to the ground. I quickly took out my dagger and before it could cause any trouble, I swung my blade in a upward cut and attempted the new arte I had been learning.

"Azure edge!" It was a fairly easy move, a move that Tia had taught me so I could understand strike artes. All I really had to do was add a ball of mana at the tip of my blade, then after the initial damage of the blade, it enters the persons system and spikes, causing a jolt of pain and if done right or to a weak target, unconsciousness or if I eventually got good enough, death.

Tia usually took care of the stronger ones at the beginning, and as I turned to grin at my impressive(Thats what I thought at the time) fight, she would simply finish her share off and wink at me good naturedly.

She slowly became my best friend.

"The economy is doing good lately…" She said one day, looking at me. "It would be a rather good time to adopt someone…"

I jolted, and looked at her curiously. I was aware it was far from a promise, but she was conveying if she felt she could, she would adopt…. _me_… It wasn't like I _needed _adopted, I was self sufficient, but the confirmation that yes, we could be family was somewhat… odd, but flattering.

She didn't though, so it left me to wonder what was going through her mind. Truthfully, I didn't want to be adopted. I mean, me, adopted? I couldn't be a daughter. I had a hard enough time accepting Lloyd and Kratos, who werent even with me.

She showed me a star shaped symbol shown on the collar of her shirt, something I never noticed before, since it seemed to be hidden under her collar. It had ten points on it. She told me it was something her family believed was used to represent change.

The older woman also trusted me with legitimate bombs and poisons at eleven, although it was somewhat of a ordeal at first because I was not allowed in any village with them on me for a month after I got them. She also let me loose up on dagger training for a while, to teach me how to make poisons from plants so I didn't have to carry extra supplies.

It was before my eleventh birthday that we traveled back to some places, first the Mana temple, then Lake Umacy, and at Luin for combat training. She had told me that on our next trip, I was going to learn a set of artes I could use in combat. We were heading to the City of Luin to retrieve a journal about certain artes that had been written by her father.

"I had a sister in Triet!" Tia was telling me, as we walked closer to our destination. "We were born and raised in Luin, as I'm sure you already know. We used to walk to Lake Umacy together, and catch frogs with a few friends and my aunt!"

I smiled lightly. "I heard a rumor that frogs give you wrinkles..." I told her, my voice laced with familiar friendliness.

"Oh Ha-Ha," She rolled her eyes. "Very fu-" she was cut off. She straightened up, looking off into the distance. I looked forward as well, and tensed as discreetly as possible. "...nny…."

We had come into sights of Luin, and my teachers eyes narrowed as we both saw the odd stillness of the usually lively town.

"Its oddly quiet." I said, lowering my voice. "I wonder what the townsfolk have been up to lately…"

Usually, Luin had at least one band of carriage salesmen passing by, as Luin was a farming town. Also, Luin was very spread out, having many farms on the outskirts of the lake. We had not seen a single person, not a single monster for quite sometime, and we were on the main road.

She didn't say anything for a moment.

"Yes." She said quietly. "I wonder as well."

.

We both ran into the town square as quickly as possible, slowing to a halt when we saw a terrible sight, one that wasn't uncommon, but no less horrifying.

The Desians.

"What are the Desians doing here?" I asked out loud, looking straight ahead, tensed and ready to defend myself if necessary. Desians either wanted three things from the town; Money, Human livestock, or to make a example…. I didn't exactly approve of any personally.

"It doesn't matter," Tia mumbled, her dagger already out in a very graceful looking stance. _Much _prettier than mine at least. "It's never good."

Sure enough, we eventually got a close enough view to see a rather terrifying Desians. They held two young children hostage, one boy and one girl. Tia seemed to recognize them, because she immediately tensed up on sight. She mumbled something that I couldn't quite catch.

"But..._They have _children _hostage?_" She ground out angrily. Her fist were curled into tight balls, as she glared on ahead. "Not only that, but-! Of all people!"

I remained silent, trying not to let her seething anger scare me.

"Please, don't hurt them!" A woman in the front sobbed as several people held her back. "They've already lost their mother to the ranch, don't make them suffer the same fate…!"

I watched, I didn't know what to do, what _could _I do?

_**Why would anyone do anything? How is it their problem? People are selfish… **_

"Shut up, wench!" The Desian roared, and I heard a crunch and a cry of pain. I tried getting a closer look, but before I could I saw Tia run forward in the corner of my eye, and I whipped my head in the direction she ran; to the Desians.

"Tia!" I called out, trying to make my way through the crowed, only to be held back.

"We can't let you do that kiddo." A older man told me, and I looked back up to him with wide eyes. I recognized him as one of the mercenaries Tia introduced me to. "Tia would kill me if I let anything happen to you."

"What do you think you're doing?!"I heard Tia shout authority lining her voice. "Do you have no honor? These are children!"

I heard a rather sadistic laugh, and a loud smack of a whip, and a growl of pain. _Tia! _I began flailing wildly, trying to get out of the man's grip. Unfortunately I was trained to escape by not getting caught, _not _escaping _after_ being caught.

"We don't need honor for a insolent _bug_." I heard a Desian laugh sadistically. "We only waste our time on you because you are somewhat useful!"

I gritted my teeth. I had to help her!

_But what can I do? Get myself into trouble?_

_**That sounds nice. Add a couple of other people in the mess, and you're all set!**_

Gah! Why couldn't I just focus? It was just so… Ugh, It didn't matter! I couldn't do nothing. I.. I had to….

"We're leaving. Let this be a lesson to you inferior beings! You are only alive because we allow you to be, nothing more, nothing less!" The large desian spat, and I caught a glimpse of him walking away through the crowd. A dozen others followed, along with the two children they had hostage and…

Tia.

"T-Tia!" I called out, my voice cracking. "Tia!"

They were gone. They had left the city, by the time the man behind me let me loose. He let go of me, but I barely noticed him watching me tentatively. But I knew, I _knew…. _I still had time to save her. They still had to travel to the ranch, and in the meantime, they were vulnerable.

_**She can't even save **_**herself**_**, what could **_**you **_**possibly do? Everything you know she's taught you. I say its about time to let go anyways, the people you love are bound to disappear once in a while. Its all thats happened so far anyway.**_

Looking up at the mercenary was a mistake. We made eye contact.

"Oooh no." He said cautiously. "Nonononono. No." He shook his head. "You are not going after them.

Getting over my moment of weakness, I glared up at him. "This is the only chance I'm going to get." I told him, fully turning to him. "I don't even remember your name, why should I listen to-? Nevermind, I can't hesitate again! I am Tia's student! I can't just accept that she's being taken!"

"You're just a kid!" the man scolded. "I don't think you understand how hopelessly stupid this is!"

I resisted the urge to flinch, and pressed onwards. "I don't think you understand, I can't-"

"-Just sit back and let it happen, yeah yeah." The mercenary sighed. "... Don't expect me to go with you though."

"I wouldn't dream of it." I responded, assuring him that this was my job and mine alone.

.

I ran as fast as I could, hoping I'd catch up in time. My heart was beating faster than I thought it could, it took effort to put less power than my speed, and I could feel the energy of this world pumping through my body like blood, but much faster than usual.

It all happened so fast, truthfully I didn't understand any of it. How could _Tia_ be taken? She was too good. Too strong. There were many details I missed in the chaos, but the only thing that mattered was my mentor was taken and I had to save her.

I skidded to a stop the moment I heard voices, and it was at that point I became aware that I _did not have a plan. _I felt the urge to scream at myself out loud. How could I have not thought it through?! Usually I wasn't like that, I _always _had a plan before rushing into something, but I let the adrenaline get to me, an amature mistake.

_**You're going to fail anyways. Don't do this to yourself...**_

I remembered that my teacher disliked ambushes, she thought them to be disgraceful. Tia had taught me that right after getting me to be able to move quickly and flexibly. But right then it seemed like my best option, so how would I go about it?

High places was always a good way to go, especially in a forest in the middle of the day. So I would attack from above, I had vertigo powder in my bag, so I could throw that in first, then jump in the fray with my weapons. I couldn't throw that much in since I hadn't gained a resistance to it yet, but I could afford to if I had a mask. I _would_ line my throwing knives with poison and throw them in right before I jumped, but I didn't have time to get the poison set, and I didn't have the money to replace my knives.

I ripped off my sleeve with some struggle, trying to be as quiet as possible, and tied it to my face as I walked a little closer to the voices. I knew they weren't going to stop for a break, due to the fact the ranch was in the area of Luin, so I got as close as I possibly could to them before climbing a tree to secure a position of ambush.

I had never tree jumped before, but with my newly aquired balance from training with Tia, it was only a nuisance of a struggle to jump making minimal noise. Later I would scoff at how _naruto_ it was, but at that moment I was too focused, as I tried slowing down my Mana flow to calm me down, and I managed to do so with slight effort.

Luckily for me, they couldn't move fast due to the children prisoners, so I caught up to them quickly enough, because if it took too long they could call for reinforcements.

I heard the condescending voices of the half elves below, and as I began to reach for my poisons as I followed them, I realized _I couldn't poison them without poisoning the prisoners._ I almost growled in frustration, before retracting my hand and taking out my dagger already laced with poison instead.

_Guess we'll just have to do this the hard way._

I took a deep breath, and when I got in the perfect position just a few feet in front of them, I inconspicuously dropped to a lower branch so I didn't get hurt on my jump. Then as they were below me, I jumped.

I slit the throat of the large man that seemed to be there for no reason other than a meat shield, killing him, then threw one of my throwing knives into the heart of one of the archers. Luckily, that knife was sharp, so it cut through his light leather guard.

"ERIS!"

I heard a shout, and suddenly all the attention was focused on a single area-me.

I resisted the urge to flinch as I jumped up as several desians came at me at once.

"Eris! Get the hell out of here!" I heard Tia plead once more as she sounded like the old woman she really was. She was giving up, as I jumped out of the way of a arrow and dive to the side as a sword came down, and I swung my leg to kick the swordsman in the face before swiftly slitting his throat, again.

"I'm not leaving-!" I got cut off as I received a blow to the side with a hammer, _ouch,_ before allowing my adrenaline to kick in and maneuvered around the assailant and killed him too. I didn't even have time to breath until two more were on me, and I had to switch to jumping around so I didn't get hit. I had to be fast fast _fast_. I had never fought so hard in my life. I felt the sweat

I continued this process until ten was dead and fifteen was left, an arrow in my arm, a cut on my face, and the realization that I was _severely outnumbered. _

Strike upon strike and I could not dodge all of them, but I tried. Everything was so fast, I felt the feeling of hopelessness as I hit dodged, hit hit _guard guard jump back avoid avoid, ahhhh I'm in so much trouble...!_

It was just a when I was about to get overwhelmed and claustrophobic and _dead, so so dead, _I felt the so so very incredibly liberating freeing _relief _from my attackers. I stumbled backwards, sensing the onslaught stop for a moment, before I noticed myself teetering backwards and I quickly righted myself, leaning forward on my knees instead.

I was able to catch my breath long enough to see two men in front of me, as if creating a barrier between me and the Desians. My relief.

But before I could say anything or anyone _did_ anything, I was thrown over one of their shoulders and getting out of there. I was facing back, and I lifted my head to get a long enough to see two hostages, the little boy and Tia, being held in a rather forceful and painful grip by the Desians that were left standing.

_I failed. The man in Luin was right. What was I thinking? These are _Desians_, the only reason I could get away before was because Tia was with me… How could she get captured? She was so strong, she was innocent, I was just an orphan, she took me in, saved me, and when it counted most I wasn't strong enough to repay the favor… Haven't I lost enough?_

_She was the only person I had left._

.


	6. Chapter 5- One Way Road

**Chapter 5**

**One Way Road That Can't be Retraced**

"Even the dead can't tell us they were scared."

**A/N**

_Okay, I'm not totally 100% sure about this chapter, but whatever. _

_Anyways, I saw Big Hero 6 this weekend! SO good~3 I just… My mind is still reeling. Not as good as How To Train Your Dragon, but still._

_And… Wow. The REVIEWS. Just… I'm so inspired. Thank you guys so much!_

_Also…. I DREW ERIS. I DREW ERIS. ONLY THE GODDESS ART. Honestly, I suck at pictures, and my on paper sketches look MUCH better, but I have no camera to post them, all I have is my dads computer… Anyways, I'm on Deviantart, my name is Projectalice1999. Its not good, but it gets the stuff across. Also, its a sketch of during the world regeneration. And MILD spoilers, but only result wise, not plot wise. :)_

**Arobaze- **_Thank you! Yeah, with what I have planned, I figured Eris's perspective should be somewhat dark to contrast… The future. Also, is seems like any and all tales characters are extremely optimistic, and somethings just don't make sense, so I figured I would chanel my negativity to make Eris's observations make more sense. For example, Lloyd misses many things regarding Kratos. Bu thats because its Lloyd, too optimistic, and as its been mentioned, Idealistic. So as a family unit, and to be able to observe the family dynamics from all angles, I figured Eris having a dark outlook could kinda offer insight to why things are happening, who's fault, who's flaws, etc… Also, being as torn as she is will bring up a later conversation that has lots of meaning. If you can point it out, congrats. But that's WAY ahead. _

**Ihavenoidea8-** _I'm extremely grateful for your input. Reviewing so fantastically, making predictions, observations etc really helps me to see what you notice, what I need to make a point of, and what kind of perspectives people wish to see, and what I want to test out with Eris. Also? Yes. I'm sure everyone can see Tia dying, but wait till you see why… Hehe. _

**MagatsuIza-** _Origin seal? Wow, I'm so happy you brought that up. There are several idea's running through my head for that. I mean… Its not just Lloyd anymore. Do we expect Kratos to kinda say(SPOILERS) 'Hey daughter, sit back and watch as I make your brother kill me, your father'? NO. But really, I do have a core plan for that, since this fic was made to observe the family dynamics(I know I said that already though), but there are so many ways to approach that…._

**Kurotiger-** _Just the fact that your reading it makes me happy. :) Glad you haven't lost interest!_

_Any improvements you want to see? Anything you want to hear? Comment, and I'll try my best. :) (You don't have to review though, (Though it helps), Reviews can't stop me from writing my best!)_

_**Please enjoy the story~!**_

_**0~0**_

"_Kregi safade slehiya tunoleba_

_watumi yufiniya_

_waituno se saifiszaiya_

_faituno se naidizaiya_

_(apeyumetumi ya)_

_shejumani siruvarant_

_krasa meyu sheina ifil_

_krezu mani putisala_

_krasa seidu fleina_

_shejumani siruvarant_

_prasa feinu sheina_

_ikimasi_

_a sheinu fleina_

_Arumateria~"_

_She was falling asleep, finally. The young woman noticed her recently born daughter had been acting strangely. So as a mother should, she watched her. She frowned as she recalled the oddly sluggish and depressed way the young newborn observed things, silent, sad, and lonely looking. It was then she recognized the truth behind the statement 'eyes are windows to the soul', a phrase her husband seemed to like repeating to her, no matter how out of character it was for someone like him. _

_After she realized it may have been because the little child had not been sleeping, she became worried sick. So she sang the lullaby her mother often sang, a song passed down to ministers and maids serving the church of martel. Her mother told her that it was made to bring the goddess closer, and although she didn't believe it, she had to admit the song had a extremely soothing effect. This was something that helped her in the ranch, and although the memories were bad, the song nullified all negative effects the memories brought._

_After the fifth or sixth time she pulled all nighters for the sake of her babe, Her spouse began to offer staying up with the girl in her place, knowing that she often worried a little too much about the odd nature of the quiet child, although she insisted she stayed up along with her. _

_As a teen, she couldn't ever sleep. Her mother would often sing her to sleep with the same song she was currently whispering softly to the young child in her arms, not to incorporate religion, but to calm her, much like she was doing at that moment. She loved her daughter so much, and though her partner had continually told her that their child looked exactly like his wife. He often 'worried she would be just as beautiful' too. _

_It was amusing to see the usually composed man so attached to the little lady born such a short while ago. Very cold to strangers, when it came to his own children though, he warmed up fairly quickly. _

_He loved his son, yes. But the little girl held a special place in her fathers heart. He had often told her that he never grew up with women, besides his mother(Whom his own daughter was named after), and at first he didn't know how to treat her. _

_Eventually, he became so attached that he would _insist _on being the one to comfort her when she was crying, and it was rare she herself ever held her when her husband was around. Although it _appeared _both father and daughter didn't care much for the others presence, the way he held her close and the way she would simply watch the man without ever looking away told her all she needed to know. _

_That girl would never be lonely as long as her father was around._

_It was odd really. Seeing such a stoic man turn into such a loving father. The second he returned from his errands, he would take both siblings out into the yard to play. She sighed. Looking down at the child, feeling the urge to cry at the sight at the little miracle. She didn't expect her to survive birth, being told it was unlikely but… she did. And she was so, _so _glad. _

_She couldn't see how such a beautiful baby could look anything like herself. _

"_I love you Rissy..." She mumbled, smiling at the unlikely nickname her father decided on. He wasn't the kind for cute nicknames, but he gave her one. She didn't mind of course. She thought it was suiting for the girl. _

_Anna only wished that her daughter could remember these things, just how much she and her father loved her. All the things they did because they love her, how they held her, all the things they would do for her. She wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon, but she teared up at the thought of her daughter forgetting. _

. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I sat up in my bed, droopy eyed from a bad nights sleep. I sighed, rubbing my face groggily, hearing the heavy breathing from the little blond girl next to me. I assumed she was having the same problems I did.

I was foggy from the dreams though. There were a couple of nightmares, but there was some memories I think. I didn't quite remember any of them, all I knew was there was an oddly familiar tune ringing in my head and the word 'Rissy'.

Everything was… Empty, for lack of better word. Hollow, nothing was happening, nothing happened, I was simply waking up to a unknown I remembered why I was unconscious, and I winced, the urge to jerk inward from the emotional pain heavy, but the bruises all over me helping me remain still. I almost wished I had my blades, jamming them into my chest sounded fantastic in contrast to my pain.

Everything played over and over again in my head, from the very beginning to the end to the second beginning. My parents of that world, this world, from Tia who saved me, from Tia who helped me, from Tia who trained me, from Tia who loved me… Some second beginning though, there was no true way to start over, unless I was to be reborn without memories, or if I was some sort of ghost, free of guilt. I mean, that sounded nice. A ghost named Ghosty. Whatever happened would be blamed on everyone else and…

I was thinking of everything and nothing at once, nothing but 'gone' ringing clearly to me.

_Tia… Tia… I miss you already…_

I turned my head to the window. It was early morning, and my wounds were stitched and bandaged. I assumed I had fallen asleep in exhaustion, the whole memory of the fight seemed to drag on forever. It would have been different in a group, but I was by myself and I was so _so _foolish. I could only imagine what price Tia and the boy left behind had to pay for it. Were they beaten for their presence causing trouble? Did they already have that horrid stone gouged into their flesh, separating the bones and attaching itself to the very essence of their being? I could already see the blood, I had seen plenty of bandits with them. They would never be able to get it out. It must hurt so-

"You're awake." I jumped in surprise, and turned around to see the two men who saved us, the first was the man from Luin, and the other… I wasn't too sure, but I hoped glaring would make them go away.

"Balder?" I asked quietly, glowering darkly for the intrusion. "What are you doing here?"

He laughed, but it wasn't as boisterous as I remembered it. I offhandedly noticed the gray in his hair, and I vaguely remembered Tia had started getting gray hairs as well. They were supposed to grow together, and ultimately die around the same time, but that was not to be.

"You gave me quite the scare…" He spoke, running a hand over his face tiredly, just like I did minutes before. "When this young man told me where you were and what you were up to, I got to you as soon as I could."

I turned to the mentioned 'young man', who had black hair and a very pale complexion. He had brown attire, and boots. The man who held us back. "You're that guy from Luin…" I recalled aloud, not having enough energy to uphold my glower, I dropped it for a tired grimace instead. "I thought you said you wanted nothing to do with all…" I waved to the girl on the bed. "This?"

He laughed wryly, and put his hand on his neck, rubbing it tiredly. "Yeah… But then when this guy went after you, I realized how much of a shame it would be if talent like yours got wasted rotting in a cell… You killed thirteen Desians, you know."

_Thirteen?_ I thought, tilting my head. _Have I got so accustomed to killing I lost count? _

"I couldn't save them though." I told them, looking down. "Tia and the boy, I mean."

"Yeah," The brown clad mercenary drawled, "We kinda figured that might happen." I sighed. Even a bystander knew that was going to happen. I was so… Weak.

When me nor Balder nor the sleeping girl said anything, he continued. "Anyways, my name is Chiron. Tia trained you?"

"Hey…" Balder warned lowly, watching me for my reaction. I knew that it was a sensitive subject, but I decided I might as well get used to the fact Tia was… gone.

"Its fine…" I assured him, ignoring the stab of pain at the name. "Nothing can make it worse anyways."

I remembered telling my teacher the exact same thing when we first met, and laughed lightly at the irony. Then, I wanted her to tell me and leave, Now? I wanted to leave and never accept the truth, no matter what I said aloud.

I wondered momentarily if it was a sign, some sort of hex saying 'You're cursed, things will get worse than it should be possible, because its _you_.' I knew that was a self absorbed thought process, so I dismissed the idea soon after it appeared. That time at least, the thought never came back.

I tooked a deep breath, and shifted so I was cross legged. "Yeah… Tia trained me…"

Chiron laughed a bit, pulling out a chair and sitting on it in front of me. "That was very impressive for someone your age… How did you do it?" He asked, with a light but curious tone. "Full force? Strategy?"

"Ambush." I replied, looking down at my hands. "I had to take a lot of my ideas out because of hostages."

_Pathetic. I fucking hate you. _I told my self, wanting to punch myself repeatedly. I shook my head, as I scrunched my nose at the unwanted and unnecessary thoughts. They weren't really helping my growing headache.

"You don't say?" He crossed his arms, and at this point Balder was now just standing off to a corner. "From the treetops I'm assuming? I didn't know Tia taught that sort of thing."

"She thinks its dishonorable." I replied. "But it was the most efficient way I could think of to help her_. _And the sad part was it _worked_... Kinda."

Going against my teachers beliefs, and being more successful in my work than I had ever been in any fight? It was sad, that I was losing respect for her soon after she died, and respect for myself.

"And does honor mean anything to you?"

I eyed him curiously, as he did the same to me, with a more serious expression.

"Honor to me…" I started slowly, "... Just seems like a way to impress people." I didn't bother elaborating, I was too tired to care if I was right or wrong.

"So you want to live a life of selfishness?"

"Possibly." I said without hesitation, seeming to catching him off guard. "Whatever makes me feel better, I guess."

Chiron laughed lightly, "Yes, I suppose so." He said, looking thoughtful.

After this, the seasons seemed to drag on. Chiron the mercenary escorted me back to Palmacosta, and for some reason stayed there. Balder took the little girl named Sarah back to Luin where she belonged, and I heard nothing from either of them since. Ann heard about what happened, and tried to cheer me up by buying me books and my favorite, tea.

I never got better. Several months passed of me leading a boring and empty lifestyle; Wake up, train, go up on the roof to read, walk around town, read the patrol reports, Train some more, Read, and go to sleep. Patrol reports were public information, since it was volunteer based.

That schedual became so consistent, Ann knew where I was every second of the day, and Sariah no longer felt it was necessary for me to tell them where I was anymore.

They already knew.

I bought myself a sketchbook, something that I considered so sacred to me in my past life that I refused to let anyone touch it unless I trusted them with my heart and soul. It was a window to my mind in the past, every last detail, from nerd stuff, to emotions, to events… It was like the most detailed diary ever known to man. I could have spent hours explaining just one picture.

I was good, but that didn't really matter to me exactly.

I spent hours drawing, I could easily say at least two fifths of my last life was spent drawing, or some form of art. There was nowhere I went without my sketchbook, and to be honest, getting used to not doing that in this life was the hardest thing imaginable.

I still felt the artistic tingle in my wrist, like a spidey sense for creativity. I knew I still had the skills, although I lost some initial thoughts I had in the past to create art. I could still do it.

Except I couldn't.

I stared at the paper before me, pencil in my hand. I didn't move for several minutes as I just stared at it. This was so… _Mikayla,_ and I was _Eris._ Drawing would feel too familiar, there was nothing familiar surrounding me. I felt no joy anymore. Drawing would be like living in the past, and the past was too hard to think about. It wasn't even a part of me anymore.

Sketching _was_ the only thing that was more dear to me than my own life. And I couldn't do it. I felt like I was betraying myself, but I just couldn't bring myself to write anything on that little piece of paper.

But… Who was I kidding? _Myself_? Just who was I referring to? I'm not Mikayla anymore. How could I betray _myself_ when… I wasn't even myself anymore? If myself meant _her_, then it wasn't myself at all. Its Eris. I _am_ Eris.

I got up, and walked away from the object that seemed to resemble my past. I felt hollow, empty, and I tried not to think about it. I couldn't do it anymore.

I eventually burned it, not able to stand the sight.

I found despite the people I grew fond of there, including Katherine, I just wanted to leave Palmacosta as soon as possible. After I tore my sleeve, I didn't get enough money to get a new shirt, so I just ripped off the other sleeve so it was at _least _symmetrical.

I searched hopelessly for Tia, even joining the patrol during my training time to find her. I knew she was in a ranch, but there were so many things that could have happened between when she got captured and when I got back, I couldn't just give up.

But I knew deep down inside she was dead. She was far from her prime, in her late fifties, and the Desians didn't exactly make it a point to keep their captives comfortable. She may not be dead _now_, or even tommorrow, but it was inevitable. I found it hard to consider her being alive, when the next thing I would hear would be her death.

Then I began to wonder… was that how Kratos felt? I always wondered if the man ever regreted meeting Anna, whether it be because it caused _him_ so much grief, his family to break apart and for Lloyd to never truly consider him his dad?

Did it hurt…? Was Kratos hurting, thinking that Lloyd was dead?

_He thinks I'm dead too._ I remembered, _Does he miss me too?_

I scoffed. How could I have been so foolish? Of _course_ Kratos wanted his family back. With Tias death, I understood. In regards to memories, the fact that I had them… I felt joy. But when I considered the fact there would be no _more_ memories like that, I wanted to curl in a ball and cry. My… My _father_ probably felt the same way.

Tia's age didn't matter. She may have been old, but she still felt like a young aunt. Did it fit? No. Do _I _fit? Absolutely not, but that doesn't change my feelings towards her, and it shouldn't for Kratos either. I was still unsure if I _deserved _to be considered his daughter, but… He missed Lloyd, and I was so selfish, thinking he wouldn't even think about me.

The worst part about Tia's death was Katherine.

Like usual, I said only what I was comfortable with. That was that "Tia was attacked by Desians on the way to Luin…. I'm sorry…."

There was so much unsaid, but I felt like if I couldn't say it all, I couldn't say _anything._ I was a coward, and Katherine deserved better. If it was her, I knew she would have told me everything.

She refused to come out of her house for days, and the times I checked up on her, she never ate. It took a earthquake to get her out of her house on a good day.

She eventually got better, in fact after the events of Tia's death she seemed to gain a will incomparable to anyone, and studied even harder on medicine. She actually became somewhat of a prodigy.

_I_ started giving up more and more each day.

A year passed and nothing changed at all. Until I ran into Chiron again.

"Hey kid, long time no see…"

I turned around on the curb I was sitting on, and saw a familiar mop of black hair. He was standing behind me in a very loose fashion, exactly how I remembered him being. A complete dickweed, not caring at all for sadness.

_Not true, _I tried denying these thoughts. To be honest, I didn't even know where it came from. _He's allowed to do what he wants, it wasn't… _isn't _his problem. He had his reasons… I think..._

"Chiron." I greeted, and looked back to the sights in front of me. "I'm surprised to see you back in Palmacosta. Come back for Business?"

I heard a laugh. "Never left actually." I heard a shuffle behind me, and I saw him sit next to me on the curb.

"Really?" I said disinterestedly. "And why would that be…?"

"Well to be honest," The merc started, looking at me from the corner of his eye. "Tia told me if anything ever happened to her, she wanted me to make sure nothing happened to _you_ here in Palmacosta."

I sighed. I should have figured something was odd. Tia was always worried about people taking advantage of my age, after all I was good at what I did(Not the best of course, but just as good as any adult), but I figured Dorr's militia was big enough at this point, so people had no reason to specifically seek me out for help anymore, like many combat able men. I didn't think it was because someone was looking out for me specifically though.

"When did she ask you to do that? A few years ago?"

"Yes actually… So how's your combat skills coming?"

I didn't shift at the sudden change of subject, continuing as I did before. "Ever since Tia died, I've been somewhat at a standstill. But its definitely not rusty yet."

"'Yet'? Are you planning on giving up?"

"No." I drawled him, rolling my eyes. "But we all grow old someday."

"Twelve and already thinking about old age?" Chiron laughed a bit. "Kid, you may be unnaturally hollow for your age, but you still have a lot to learn."

"Don't we all?" I retorted, kicking a large stone in front of me on the pavement.

"Yes…" He said, now turning serious. "But some less than others… Thats when you learn from others."

"Okay, I'll bite. Teach me something."

"I'll do better." He said, and I looked to him to see the older man smirking. "I'll train you."

I raised my eyebrow, unimpressed. "_You'll_ train _me_? Sorry, but uh… I have a dagger, not a chain blade." Sure enough, he had a chain blade looping around his waist behind him, not a dagger.

"Heh. You think thats the only thing I know?" He laughed, eyeing me with amusement as I watched back with interest. "I've watched you fight. Swordsmanship isn't your problem, you work well with _options_. The more odd things you know how to do, the better you'll be in a fight, because thats just _you_."

_**Seriously, did he get the memo? We're thieves, not **_**swordsmen.** _**Or swordslady. Woman. Whatever.**_

I turned my gaze to him fully, he had got my full attention.

"Look," He said, now sobering up a bit. "I feel like if I take her place, I can make everything up to her… You can understand that, can't you?"

I stared him down, and he looked right back. He seemed very sincere about his proposition. I wasn't sure if I wanted to risk it again. I didn't want to get close to him, only to have something happen or him to leave. But then I remembered- Kratos. I wanted to meet him. He deserves our memories of his family than what he had already. Finally, I nodded. Looking away I said "Yeah, do what you want. Your not my _teacher_ though."

He laughed. "Of course not. That spot is already taken."

. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I had received a letter from the little girl that was rescued in Luin. Surprised to get one at all, I had read it completely silent.

_To, Eris_

_I'm not really sure how to start, but… I guess I heard from Balder that you came to save me a couple years ago. I just wanted to thank you, and I think I would like to meet you. Not saying that you have to, but if you're ever around, please come see me?_

_From, Sarah_

With his help, I learned many different skills, such as reading Angelic (Which was really just latin), dealing with greedy merchants, acting, how to use more weaponry, and for some reason, infiltration.

Lots of Infiltration.

"Have you learned many Artes yet?" He asked me as I was swinging my blade rather viciously at a tree, fighting the way he was teaching. Tia was a very smooth and fast attacker. Chiron was a very unpredictable, but deliberate and uneven fighter.

It was hard, but I knew it was efficient.

"No." I huffed out without thinking, continuing testing the attacks he had shown me. But then I stopped. I took a gulp of breath, setting my hands on my hips as I looked at my new tutor. "Wait. Yes I have. But… Not many."

"From Tia?" He said, but he wasn't really _asking_. I nodded, and he walked closer to me, sitting down on the log a few feet away. "What did she teach you exactly?"

I looked away. I didn't want to talk about her. I didn't want to think about her. I simply wanted to fight, and train, and _work_. Not… Think. Not regret, not… Not anything.

"... I'm not going to talk about her." He assured. "But you should know what…What she wanted you to learn."

"She was my teacher." I said. I didn't want to think about her, didn't want to regret, not…. "She was a healer. A fighter. Thats all."

"Thats not all." He sighed, sounding frustrated. "She wasn't part of the church of Martel, but she was told to research and study summon spirits, creatures rarely seen since Spiritua."

"So what?" I asked. "Who cares what she was interested in?"

"You should." He told me, and I could hear the strain in his voice. "... Because you might take up that role."

"And why would I do that?" I asked without pausing. I wasn't interested in being bound to anything. I didn't want to join some gang.

"You're aware of the political standpoint in Sylvarant." He started, and I looked up to him. I had told him my thoughts. I didn't tell him how I knew, but I told him it was crucial we had a good government, so we were strong. But the problem was the desians, because like any kingdom, the strongest won. And they gave us no chance to govern ourselves because of that fact.

"Yeah." I responded, "But what does that have to do with me?"

"... Summon spirits govern the world. What if you could use their power somehow? Learn how the world depends on them, so the desians have to depend on _you_."

Somehow I felt he was grasping at straws in trying to talk me into it, and although he had a point I wanted to remain free. I didn't want to do anything for anyone elses gain.

I laughed bitterly. "Oh yeah? And just how would I go about that? Summoning artes are lost, and I'm not a half elf. I can summon anything, so what else is there to know?"

"Actually thats false." He said, smirking. "Summoning spirits arent a uncontrollable magic we know nothing about. Its a science, why do you think summoning is possible in the first place? If we can affect it, we can study it."

I glared at him. What made him so sure it was useful information? I voiced my question, and his smirk turned to a frown. He was silent.

I was silent too.

"... Tia's teacher took part of the research, and so did she. If she mentioned it, she may have thought it to be a good idea for the research to be handed to _you_ if she mentioned it at all. So if you're interested…" He shrugged one shoulder. "Just check it out."

I knew he wasn't going to tell me further information, just so he could gauge my interest. And the fact was… Yes. I was interested. Very much so.

I scowled. "... And just how would I do this this exactly?"

He was back to being a idiot again, as he smirked. "Well, thats hidden. Can't let the information leak, now can we?"

"So you're part of it then."

"Maybe. Maybe not. But if you're interested, tag along with me sometime."

Somehow, over the span of time, Giles and Kaiden became a part of me and Anns circle of friends. It happened over time, and after they both matured a bit we all mixed a bit more well. Although I was distant, and I tried to get away, they wanted to see me.

The roof was our favorite spot as usual, and we would sit there and talk for hours.

"-Sariah told me I was grounded for it too! I didn't even do it!" Kaiden complained, scrunching up his nose. "She always assumes its me, she's just like every other grown-up!"

We were all sitting in various places around the roof, me on the crate, Giles cross legged on the ground with Ann, and Kaiden, the only one who ever talks, on the edge of the roof with his legs hanging off.

Dangerous, I know. But he hasn't fallen off _yet_. So I figured it couldn't be worse than what the rest of the world had in store for us.

"I think she's just worried about you…" Ann tried reasoning, albeit half heartedly.

"She has about thirty orphans to care for." I said. I leaned back a bit. "Adults have bigger things to worry about, like their own lives for a instance."

"Adults don't make sense." Giles pitched in. "Why work with something if you're not going to enjoy it?"

_**The world is a mess and I just need to rule it~! Dr. Horrible. Only thing I really liked back on earth really. Well, **_**we**_**.**_

I almost laughed at my own thoughts, for some reason the musical still fresh in my memory from a past life long ago. Instead I shrugged. I may have legally been an adult in my last life, but I wasn't an elder either. I didn't' have kids, nor much experience with the...inexperienced. So I couldn't exactly vouch for Sariah, without being insincere. I didn't know her well, but neither did Kaiden, so I remained pretty apathetic on the matter.

The year passed and my training got more and more rigorous. I never asked about Tia's research, deciding I didn't care enough to look into it yet. I turned thirteen, and the realization I came to was that _I was still really short._ Chiron was allowed to train me for longer, and make sure I completed my first and only job by myself.

I got back to traveling a while before that, as I knew saying in Palmacosta wouldn't work for me in the end. It was a good distraction from the events that… Killed my old teacher, and although it was painful at first because I was aware of the fact Tia was not with me, I got used to it eventually.

I was numbed to the absence of companionship.

Chiron came with me at first, but after he got busy with his own jobs he started letting me go by myself. After all, it was _my_ job. He was his own soldier, and me my own.

It was nerve wracking at first, but then I realized if I just kept doing the same things as before, I would be perfectly fine. After all, doing jobs like Tia did got her connections, and I had quite a few already.

I never went back to Luin. I avoided Iselia, even though it took all of my strength to do so. It wasn't a _great _idea, but I figured I would deal with it when the time came.

I managed to get to Triet though. I will say this though, Triet _looks_ cool, but the heat ruins fuckin' _everything._ That fact didn't change at all from my last life, I supposed I was cursed to never be tolerant of the heat in any life.

I met some people on my own, and after helping some of Tia's old friends and spreading the word of what happened to her, I eventually became someone who could be hired, with the right price. Lucky for my objective.

I didn't start calling myself a mercenary for a long time. But thats kind of what I was to the world, I supposed. I wasn't fond of the title.

I started out doing many jobs in Asgard at first, so I ended up with plenty contacts there. I actually ended up doing a job for Linar and his older sister once, it lasted about a week. I was to gather samples from different areas in Asgard, at one point I had to get samples from the monsters around the edges of the cliffs. They were old monsters, untouched for centuries, so I had to be extremely careful.

I wasn't sure if they got anything out of my samples, but I got paid decently. But feeling bad for them, I decided to cut them some slack and have them pay me only a thousand instead for a weeks work of harsh labor.

I knew that a little person wouldn't help, but baby steps. That would do the trick.

But since I was a kid, I didn't get anything too risky, until word started to get around that I could fight rather well. That was when I was approached by a woman in Triet.

"Hey. Short stuff!" I turned to the voice, to see a rather skimpy looking woman on the streets, not that I could really talk, but at least I had a _reason_ for my outfit. Also, I was mostly zipped up. It was getting worn down, so I was saving up some money to buy more gear and a new outfit that would work with how I was trained.

I could tell by the sway in her walk that she was somewhat tipsy. I felt my stomach churn, drunks always made me especially nervous. I had gotten drunk before once on accident, and I knew for a fact people were _not _themselves when they were intoxicated.

"What is it?" I asked, stopping on the side of the dusty road, and allowing her to catch up to me. I could at least see what she wanted, if it wasn't for the fact I could beat her down and outrun her at the same time, I probably would have ignored her completely.

"You're that girl from all those years ago. I recognize you... I remember your little exploit in Luin was quite the story." Although she was drunk, she was completely serious and prepared for business.

I put on a poker face, and tilted my head. She wanted something from me, and I was curious to see what would make a drunk woman sober. And why she would even remember, where did she see me? "And what exactly did you hear?"

At that point we were standing side to side, and I imagined we looked pretty odd to passerby. The child and The drunk…. _How was that remotely funny? _I thought, feeling kind of odd. I may technically be an adult, but the anxiety that comes from the typical 'don't talk to strangers' chastisement still made me chary. It was pretty annoying.

"I heard many things." She sighed out, looking at me with somewhat of a fake smile. Her tone was coy, hinting that she heard many different stories as recently said, but one in particular stood out She was dodging it in a way I couldn't lie about it. So what she was getting at was still a mystery. "But the only thing that that matters to me, is that you have a gift for things like combat… assassination… _infiltration_."

_**Did I hear the word assassination?**_

I raised my eyebrow, somewhat surprised. At this point, I had no problem carrying out either of those options, but…I had never truly _assassinated _anyone. Sure, killing is killing, but slaughter and a swift take out were not the same thing, and I was definitely not thinking of the chinese type of takeout.

"Miss, I don't even know your name." I sniffed, knowing the bratty look would make her reconsider. "And are you aware that you're asking a _twelve year old girl _to do this?"

Her smile dropped, now returning to being one hundred percent official. "Listen, I can tell by looking at you that you're a smart kid." Well shit. "I should have you know I have no problems asking a little girl to do my dirty work as long as I _get what I want._"

I watched the woman silently, waiting for her to continue. I was interested, but only because I was saving up to get out of Palmacosta as soon as possible. I also wasn't sure how much influential power she had, so the job could be useful… It was at that point I started to notice the odd, leafy plant like way her mana moved.

To the untrained eye, she would have looked like a petty drunkard woman. To the trained eye… She would have looked like a drunk, petty Female.

But out of a stroke of luck, I don't know how I missed it at all(I assumed it was the alcohol actually, it seemed to make mana movement in ones body sluggish, matching the surroundings. It would be a perfect camouflage for sensors like myself), but the spark of energy was definitely not human.

_She's a half elf?_

"This is a pretty important mission, but I'll have you know I'm far from desperate." She continued haughtily, not realizing that I figured her out at all. "You're just a respectable choice with the details I currently have. So I'm willing to give you thirty thousand gald… Take it or leave it."

I thought over her offer, knowing that for a kid, this was a _lot _of money to have at my disposal. I could buy the new supplies I needed, and possibly a new dagger. A larger one, since right at that moment, my 'dagger' felt more like a knife. I managed to keep it in pretty good condition, but you can only use it rigorously every other day and keep it sharp for so long.

On another note, to be able to _spend _that sort of money? That meant the woman was far from a nobody.

"Am I allowed to back out, if I don't like the mission?" I asked half heartedly. I knew I wouldn't, I _wanted_ the money and for the word to get out that I was a competent worker despite my 'age'.

The woman laughed. "No. But if there was a good chance you would back out, I wouldn't ask you."

_**Sounds legit and in no way dangerous. What's the worst that can happen?**_

I let out a unamused, breathy laugh. "Okay. I'll do it. Where should we talk?"

She hummed, and grabbed my hand like an adult would grab their childs. I knew it was only for show though, it wouldn't be very beneficial to be attacked by civilians on the way, who thought she was being kidnapped(Even if she was drunk, but it was easy to miss that with the way she held herself)."Follow my lead."

We walked into a rather nice inn(For Sylvarant), and sat at one of the tables. There was hardly any people, and I was glad for the break from the sandy atmosphere. It was still hot, however, so not much less miserable, and the dryness was hurting my throat, and my headache was growing increasingly worse. But the fact I was out of direct sunlight, wind, noise and I no longer had to move really helped at the very least.

"There's been a rather annoying gang wandering the streets of Triet called the Dark wings." She began, looking through the rather small menu. I noticed that she was looking on the alcoholic side of the paper, not at all interested in any of the other inn dishes. "They've been stealing from a lot of the villagers. I've found out their base of operations, but unfortunately no one is strong enough or skilled enough to take our stuff back."

"I get the feeling it's less about _our _stuff, and more about _your _stuff." I commented dryly, tracing the sand on the table boredly.

"Exactly." She agreed, not even faltering a bit. I raised my eyebrow. "Its killing two birds with one stone, I get the reputation and you get the money. I also get my life's work back."

That was good. If she _needed _a reputation, that meant she had power _somewhere_. It sounded like she was a businesswoman in trade too, so that would be especially useful if I ever needed her again.

"And what would that be?"

"I find refined expheres, and sell them to travelers."

I turned to her, bugged eyed and surprised. _The _thing _that the whole game is centered around?_

"Expheres? I thought only Desians had them?"

"And thats who I steal them from." She drunkard retorted, smirking in a very sadistic way. "People will pay tons for a exphere, if they have the money. Mostly, the people in Luin and Triet buy them, but they _are _expensive…"

"_You_ steal them?" I asked, raising my eyebrow. "Not to be rude, but I take you more as the type who would rather have someone else do the dirty work."

"I'm afraid you're not entitled to the details." She laughed a bit, not at all ashamed at my assumption. "But I will admit, I'm not _directly _involved in this business particularly. I just want money, and by working with them I get some more power within the trading businesses."

I didn't pry any further, although I was incredibly curious. "So you want me to take back the expheres, and possibly any other possessions they've stolen?"

"_Your_ first priority is getting back the expheres." She pointed out to me, clarifying my summary. "… But if you manage to take the whole gang down, I'll pay you double." She drawled, smiling very mockingly. I found myself wondering just how she was able to throw that money around in Sylvarant of all places_. _Yeah, there were _wealthy_ people, but I wasn't aware _rich_ people even existed here. But I supposed they did have a royal family, so who knew. Well… Wherever there was money there was power I guessed.

I nodded, agreeing to her proposition. "Alright. I'll do it. No rules, right?" She shook her head, and handed me a piece of paper.

"This paper has the location of the store house they took over. I will give you the money when you give me the expheres. I expect this to be finished by the end of the week. Meet me back here when you're finished." She held her hand out to me. "When you do, ask for the name Renenet Cerius. Do we have a deal?"

By the end of the week meant three days, so I could spend the rest of that day on a planning, the next on supplies then the operation itself. I was overconfident maybe, but its not like I cared truly. Even if word got out to the gang, them plotting a retaliation would stir up some trouble, and it would be that much easier for me to pick them out.

I took her hand, and shook it. "Eris. Deal."

I bought a place at the Inn we had walked in for five hundred gald, and layed what little possessions I brought with me on my table to prepare for the next day.

I got to work on lacing my dagger with my strongest powdered poison(It lasts longer), and my throwing knives with liquid vertigo poison and hallucinogens. I got some loosely tied cloth with some poison powder inside, so it would be a bomb of sorts if I threw it down.

I also made sure my actual bombs were all in working condition, and when they were, I began to make a plan.

In the paper, she also gave me the lay out of the building. So I would get _in_ by the typical option; a vent. I didn't know the residents well enough to get me a key to the underground tunnels, which led to every building in Triet, due to the constant threat of sandstorms. Unfortunately few knew about it, and fewer could get into it. They weren't in the middle of a storm season, so the chances of it being unlocked in a single building was very low. I wasn't about to search every single building either.

I would get out in a place with lots of gang members in it, take them out, then go straight for their leader.

Not much, but basic enough to survive.

The layout of the place reminded me much of the Oracle Knight HQ in Tales of the Abyss. I supposed there was a reason for that, but I didn't want to dwell on it until it actually mattered.

I got through without any qualms, although instead of killing the gang leader, all it turned out I had to do was take away his stolen exphere and tie him up, and he was very easy to deal with. None of his goons could do anything, so when I poisoned him so he could never move again I figured that would do the trick. It sucked because it was my most valuable poison, and hardest to make, but… Oh well.

I managed to injure most of the gang members, which was honestly only about ten teenage to young adult fighters, so it was fairly easy.

I got the money for my efforts, sixty thousand gald. It wasn't like I saved the city or anything, but I still helped out and it made me feel pretty good.

I was getting ready to leave the town, when Renenet found me once again, just before I was about to leave.

"Hey. I have a question, short stuff. Do you do this for a living, or did you just pitch in because I offered you a little Gald?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, I do stuff for a little money. But this is my first infiltration mission."

She hummed. "Oh really? Well you did a incredibly good job. I'll keep you in mind." She walked away from me after a mocking salute, and that was the last I saw of her for a very long time.

But not the last I heard.

"Wait, hold on, you took on an infiltration mission from Renenet? Renenet Cerius? Are you _serious?_"

"Well yeah." I shrugged, biting my cheek at the dumb joke about the last line attempting to force its way up. I looked away, hoping he wouldn't see the amusement in my eyes as Chiron stared in shock. "She offered me a lot of money… Why, do you know her?"

"She's about the most wealthy woman you'll ever find in Sylvarant!" He exclaimed with a grin. This was an odd sight to me, "She makes a living by investing in all sorts of different businesses. Most shops and things are family owned, but there are a lot of weapon shops and things of the like associated with her. Out of all the people, you found _her_, the woman with the most connections in the world. Well." He waved his hand. "_This _world at least."

"Well that explains why she was so willing to give sixty thousand gald to a twelve year old. Is she a bad person?"

"No! No No No, I mean, not for you at least!" Chiron exclaimed, looking serious. "Your name is going to get around, and people will start _seeking you out _for work! You're gonna get a lot of money _and _connections! Damn kid! You've got some luck, most will _beg _her to let them help her!"

I pursed my lips. Seeking me out? I didn't want that. Many caused trouble, because the more trouble there is, the more people are needed to solve it. AKA, business. At that time, there were _plenty_ of problems, and I wasn't willing to place my bets on the chosens 'quest for world peace'.

There was no such thing as a true success.

Did I want to be seeked out? Not truly. Because when everything was done and over it, I didn't want to be stuck in the familiar life of a mercenary. I didn't want to be trapped in the cycle, unable to say no to work.

"You should probably make a report to the AI." Chiron told me. I smiled weakly. "You haven't been there for a while, right?"

The years passed, and I turned fourteen. Sure enough, people began to seek me out for work, and I found myself taking on more and more infiltration missions. I got increasingly more skilled at what I did, and eventually got further from my friends. The only one I really kept in touch with was surprisingly Kaiden, who still kept in touch with _everyone_.

I finally got the star insignia Tia had sewn on my jacket, one on the arm and my back. A five pointed star. On that note, I also grew sick of not having the familiar hoop piercing on my right ear, so I finally got a needle and earing, and got my old piercing back.

A guilty pleasure really. The lack of it was driving me crazy, even if it did remind me a little too much of my first mother. We had gone and got the same piercing when I turned nineteen for both our birthdays. We had the same date listed for our birth(Minus years of course). Truthfully, all the earing did was serve as a reminder that I couldn't even _remember_ our faces in that life and I felt myself doubting my remembrance of my old birthday, other than it was summer eighteen. I was vague on the month. Of course, I found myself missing that attachment to my mother, something I could never hold dear in this life.

There were several people who tried getting me to infiltrate the Desian ranches, but I refused, the scars of my past were not yet gone. I knew that sounded cheesy, but I just couldn't do it. It didn't matter how strong I'd get, and as much as I wanted to look for Tia…

_I don't want anyone getting hurt. I don't want anywhere near the ranch the teacher I loved has been tortured. I hate suffering, I hate not being able to do anything about it. _

Selfish, I know. But selfish is sometimes the best a person can do.


	7. Chapter 6- Tug of War

**Chapter 6**

**The Tug of War Called Fate and Desire**

"The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls."

**A/N**

**Yeah, last chapter was extremely slow, so I decided to post the next one. **

**Ugh, can't wait till she's sixteen… **

**Anyways, yeah. I also apologize for bad grammar. I haven't been checking my work very well…**

**And the whole thing at the beginning of the last chapter? Sort of an apology for the long wait. I might write some more of those types of things, maybe in another story or at the beginning of a chapter as a somewhat apology. So feel free to kinda ask for whatever, I won't guarantee anything, but if I feel like I need to repay you guys, well… Whatever. Spoof, serious, different POV whatever, I don't really care. What if scenarios too. **

**Also, I'm really sorry if everything seems rushed. I'm triying to get to the actual story, but she's so far away from Lloyd and the gang, I have to create a whole new story. **

**It will be paced better in the story line soon. By the way, as another apology for the generally shity writing, I will tell you a secret.**

**THE BIG QUESTION**

**When Is The Story Arc?**

**ANSWER**

**Chapter 8**

**Woohoo! So close guys! So, how do you think it'll play out? Haha, Kinda wanna hear predictions, but I don't care too much since its already written and set in stone, I might make slight ajustments. **

**Aaaaany way, if you ignored everything I said thats totally fine. I just like to know people like reading, so…**

**Enjoy!~**

The news of the Governor-General Dorr's wife passing away came. Sure enough, it was a tragic experience. I watched as a few days later, he gave his obviously fake speech on how it was possible for the human race to prevail against the Desians as long as we were willing to work to pay the price.

"Do you see it?" I looked up to the sky and frowned. I wasn't one to talk to myself, but its impossible to keep everything to yourself sometimes, especially when you're in a mood. "Its happening already..."

It was another step in the plot, another step closer to the big decisions- Sure, I had made conclusions, absolute observations and yeah, resolves. But to follow through with them all…

The lies spread through Palmacosta like a disease people couldn't realize to even have. Most fell for it, and the few that verbally announced they saw through his lies were ostracized. Heaven forbid anyone makes it harder on the man, after all, he has to take care of his young daughter by himself!

Eventually, everyone conformed to everyone else and there was no one who _didn't_ idolize Dorr. Except me, Katherine and possibly a few others. I stayed true to my teachers and past knowledge to make sure I would never fall for the falseness. And some? There were just some people who thought that any sort of rule was corrupt. If only they could see the world of my past life, they would have a heart attack…

I ended up moving in with Katherine over the years. She was seventeen at that point, and with the money she saved up and left overs from Tia she managed to buy a good house. I stayed there when I wasn't traveling or visiting 'friends', which was barely ever. She had changed from the overbearing, attention hog of a child to a loving, caring, generous young woman. In my past life, I would have been jealous. She would be everything to everyone, while I felt like nothing. But at the given time? I was Eris, did I even have the right of wishing to be someone else, when I was already _someone else_? Wishing to be someone else… It already detaches a person from oneself with a _normal_ mindset, but with me? I would just lose myself completely, mostly because I didn't even know who I even was anymore.

It was a constant struggle, and although it seemed repeated, it was completely relevant. I could be completely satisfied with a thought process one day, but then the next I would scrap it and test out the next one. For example, one day I would feel as if it was okay if the world was going to shit, because I was fine. But the next it would be me feeling guilty, because I had all the time to do something, but never bothered. There were other slight things, but still. It mattered.

It was truly taxing.

I didn't… I didn't know. It wasn't even Mikayla against Eris anymore it seemed. It was… There was more. Insanity? Maybe. Or perhaps the new mind, old memories, different body shape, same body movement was affecting my mental state so badly I was beginning to make multiple persona's to protect myself. All the differences between the past and present, the contrasts between how I should feel based on how I _was _raised, and how I should feel based on how I was 'raised'... Or something. One day, I would say 'I'm Eris' and another would be 'its Mikayla'. I struggled with both. Was I both?

I would never be satisfied until I knew for sure.

I couldn't simply say 'I do what I do and what I do is who I am' because… Well, there has to be an 'I' to do what I do. Who was I? Was I Eris, or was I Mikayla? A question so often brought up, but could it ever be truly answered?

I thought not. I thought never, I was cursed to never know.

But being with Katherine helped. At least if I had a social label, I could conform to it. If I was some little kid to someone, fine. If people perceived me differently, fine. I could become who other people saw me as, simply because it spared me from the insanity of it all.

I appreciated being labeled.

"I feel like I can get to know Grandmother through getting to know you…" Katherine had told me the day she offered to let me stay in her home. I helped her pay the bills, it wasn't half and half exactly since I was barely there, but it was still enough to help her out.

I was growing rather skilled, and by the time I turned fourteen, Chiron had finally left Palmacosta and back to traveling, to continue with his business. He actually stayed longer than expected(A few years is quite some time for a mercenary to generally stay in one place).

Kaiden. Where did I ever even begin? He was a punk. People seemed to come and go, but he stuck around. A very specific reason though, with how he tagged along, but made sure I was aware that he wasn't particularly attached. The way he'd always get into trouble with the boys whenever I was around, the signs were pretty obvious.

I wasn't exactly fond of being an object for someone's affections.

Yeah, pretty cocky I know, and it was kinda surprising, but I knew the signs from time spent looking back in the past. To be honest, I was much prettier in my last life. I wasn't _exactly_ ugly in this one though. I was short and pixie like, with messy auburn hair and intense reddish brown eyes. But when someone constantly blushes(Manly like, I might add) at everything you say that isn't an obvious insult, always making jokes, and laughing at pathetic dry humor, there's a large chance that yes. He liked me. So, I did what any good person would do and told him to find some other girl to hound.

In retrospect, that probably wasn't the greatest way to handle it, but it would cause problems later on, I knew. It was awkward(For him, I couldn't care less), but he got over it. We were friends.

I finally got that outfit replacement I needed too.

I had the same gear, except I had a lot more weapons and my main daggers were more like short(And by short, I meant the blade itself was the length of my fingertips to my elbow). What I had also included a new shirt, and I had torso straps for extra daggers and pouches to be stored underneath my new zip up. Tan shorts were the new thing as well, short and baggy(Classy, I liked to say), and just underneath my good old familiar weapon pouches. And for comforts sake(Since for some reason, socks were actually worthless in Sylvarant), I used bindings so my boots wouldn't give me blisters. They didn't go up high, so they weren't very… Mummy-ish.

For some reason, over time the Desian activity was slowly waning in the southeast. Though when I traveled closer to Iselia, the activity increased largely. That was a cause for concern, but I supposed since they had to keep up their dastardly reputation. Except… It left room to wonder, just what _were _the Desians doing in the southern areas, anyway? Twiddling their thumbs? I thought not.

I still hadn't been to Luin in years. Although I did receive a few letters, one from Balder checking up on me and telling me I was welcome to stay in his new home in Luin. The other three were from the little girl Balder and Chiron saved along with me all those years ago. Sarah.

That one was a year or so after the incident. The next one came after three years of living with Katherine and at fifteen years old, and it was the most shocking and confusing one of all.

It was a… normal day. I had run to the pier to catch some guy before he took off to Izoold, bought groceries, walked around town with Kaiden, hid out in the library(Reading myths), before coming back to the house to relax. I stepped through the door, noticing the normal sight of Katherine sitting on the couch. She was cross legged, scowling at some piece of paper like she was blaming world hunger on the small object, before looking up sharply as I intentionally shut the door a little too loud to alert her my precense so I didn't give her a heart attack if she didn't happen to notice me in time.

"Oh. Hey Eris, nice to actually see your face for once. Bring back any souvenirs from Jötunheimr? It'd be nice to see what you've been up to before I go to the Robinson's house to help their husband recover."

I rolled my eyes. In Aselia, Jötunheimr was a place parents told their kids about when teaching history lessons. It was also part of one of the more famous books in the world(Basically the equivalent of Harry Potter), so it would make sense nerds like me and Katherine would reference it and respond to it as a normal occurrence. In the book, it was a world that contained giants, and a world with the ability to sever destiny, yada yada yada, point is just because I was in another world, didn't mean nerds didn't exist.

"Not right now Katherine." I sighed, walking past her. She stood up in response.

"Wait a minute!" She grabbed my collar, and I glared at her. Just to spite her, I continued walking when she let go. Surprisingly, she said and did nothing.

Except she _didn't _not do something, I realized as I felt a soft corner hit my head from projected force.

"What the-" I whipped around, trying to see what she threw- A letter. I picked it up with a slight scowl, reading the name and address: _To, Eris S. Palmacosta, Eastern Residences. From, Sarah V.. Luin, South East Residences. _

I raised my eyebrow, waving the letter at Katherine. She walked up to me with a slight pout on her face. I wasn't affected by her unaffected attitude, already being used to it. "Whats this…?" As I thought about it another thing stood out as well, so I asked, "And why didn't you read it?"

She shrugged. "Oh please, it was addressed to _you_. What, not old enough to read big girl letters by yourself?" I tutted loudly at the not so clever insult.

"Right." I drawled, beginning to rip the letter to open it so I could read its contents. Katherine's eyes were oddly set on the letter. I tilted my head awkwardly. "Uh. Whats up?"

She didn't even hesitate before pointing to the letter and answering my question. "A few things, but mostly- It says Eris '_S'_. What does the 'S' stand for anyways? I thought you were an orphan?"

I blinked. Then I suddenly realized what exactly she was asking, and chuckled nervously. "I- I am, and I still don't know my parents, but…"

"'But'?" She put her hand loosely on her hip, raising her eyebrow(A Tia trait we both picked up, but neither of us ever verbally acknowledged it) challengingly.

I raised my hands defensively. "Its required to have a last name in Palmacosta when you are a self sustained resident, so I got to choose mine. Its Eris backwards. Standard, but it works."

Katherine was silent for a moment, before grinning mockingly. "Is that the best you could come up with?"

I blushed, looking away indignantly. "Why does it even matter?!"

She laughed. "You could have just used the Vallance name, or even mine. No one would have really _cared_."

I didn't comment, simply tilting my head. Sure, maybe no one would have cared. But it still felt wrong somehow, like I was invading. When it became clear there was nothing else to be said, I walked up to my room to read the letter.

Flopping on the springy mattress, kicking aside some odd trinkets I'd picked up as well as books and notes I used to study with, I quickly tore open the letter.

_Dear, Eris_

_Hey. I know its been a while, but I still remember you. I heard that you were Tia's student. I never heard that, but apparently its because my mother… isn't my real mother. But something that was shocking, maybe to both of us, is that… Tia is my grandmother. For some reason its a secret, I haven't figured out who she is. The reason she got captured was because of me and my brother… The truth behind who Tia is, why she saved me…. I don't know. I didn't know why she kept it all a secret. But I thought you might know something, so if you do please tell me. Please. I need to know… To find out who I am. I need to know this to move forward. Who knows… maybe it will help us both. _

_Sincerely, Sarah_

I blinked. I felt like I couldn't comprehend it, so I read it a second time to really analyze the letter, to look at any hidden messages, or anything… Familiar, unfamiliar, whatever, just anything to either support it or not to support it. I didn't know if I wanted to accept the letter, or to throw it away without ever looking at it again, pretending it didn't exist.

I stared at the letter in shock. Sarah… was related to Tia? But she had a little brother too. I thought Tia only had one child. So was Sarah Katherines…?

_**Well at least it wasn't Kit kats **_**daughter**_**. That would have been nasty. **_

"You look spooked there Riss. You alright?"

I looked up to the green eyed blond above me. It seemed I was so out of it, I didn't even see Katherine walk in. I looked her over, medical supplies? How did she get ready for work so fast? Was I really so distracted I lost track of so much time?

I looked back down at the letter before looking up again, lips pursed tight. I continued to stare at her, still in shock of the possibility of her having a long lost family.

I shook my head and without really thinking of what I was doing, I began to fabricate a lie in my mind. I shook myself out of it, _lying_? Why would I do that to her? She deserved to know, why did I feel it was…?

I turned my head, and looked to her indirectly at the corner of my eye. "Hey… Katherine…?"

"Yes?"

"You never… I mean… What happened to your family…? I, uh. Do you have any?"

She immediately turned to me, and stared me down with her best doctor glare. You know, the one where you're like 'Yeah, I took my medicine every single day' and the doctor kinda looks at you and says sarcastically 'Yeah, I can tell… Signs of progress _usually_ include deadly vital signs after all'. I tried my best to keep a poker face, but it was too late as she snatched my letter, without looking and instead holding it up as if to keep it from me(Not that I wanted to keep it, she could burn it for all I cared), said "You never stutter unless you're keeping a secret from me."

This sucked, because usually I was incredible at keeping secrets from people. But after taking me out of the orphanage, taking care of me, and feeding me how could I not respect her? That respect kept me in line, so much so that I could hardly lie to the woman.

"Well… I uh… Y-you're right! How do you know me so well?" I laughed nervously, and she never broke eye contact. "You caught me. I...I have… A boy friend! Yeah! I-in Luin! I mean aaah, Asgard! Asgard!"

"What, do you think I'm stupid? You _never _go to Luin, and Asgard boys are _way_ too hard to get. All the girls want them! Trust me, I would _know _if _you_ were crushing on someone."

As she began to open it, I tried in vain to warn her against, but alas, I was still far too short even verbally.

"O-Y… Your right…! I…. I'm in _love _with him, I mean, er, sort of, love isn't really-!"

"Whats his name then?"

"Er.. Wh-wha-what? I mean… Er, his name is Gavani Calisto!"

_**Calisto as in the female sea monster and Team Rockets boss? Is that honestly what you were thinking about?**_

"... Eris, you realize Gavani is a girls name, right?" I gulped. She was using my actual name, which meant she was serious.

_Gavani is a girls name here? What the heck?_

"Well that's because its short for… Uh. Givian."

_**How is that 'short' in any way? You're busted! Ha!**_

"..." At this point she was reading the letter, and her 'You are in so much trouble young lady' face morphed into her 'Oh shit' face.

I waited silently for the verdict, fingers crossed. Would she kick me out? Or more likely in a world of mana and summon spirits and rebirth, she would go insane and join Yggdrasil, wind up being the final boss that ended up dying. Then the game would stop just as the character steps away from their dead form, never saying a word, and suddenly it just ends-

"Sarah….?" The woman's voice cut through my panic, and I sighed. _Oh boy_. "Sarah's… Alive…?" Katherine murmured, lifting her hands to her mouth as her eyes filled with tears. Her eyes turned to me, and I flinched.

"Why… Why were you going to keep this a secret from me…?"

_Ouch._

I sighed, looking down guiltily. "I wasn't going to keep it a secret… I was just going to hold on to the information so I could plan out how to tell you in the best way possible…."

Katherine left out a breathy laugh, "But Eris… She's my _sister_." I flinched at the pure emotion of that statement. Sarah was her _sister_, Her _family._ They were related.

_**Closer than you and Tia are now, I'm sure.**_

I flinched and looked down, Sarah was _alive_. I…

_I'm so selfish_ I thought, and the older girl sat in beside me on the bed, and grabbed my hands.

"Eris… I never wanted to ask, because you loved Tia more than anybody, but… What _exactly_ happened in Luin? The _whole _truth."

I lowered my head, and let out a sigh. The _whole _truth? But there was so many things that had to be left unsaid… The pure confusion of it all, the feelings it caused, the expression. It felt like everything that _caused_ it all couldn't be explained. And here she was asking for the _whole _truth, the truth that even if I wanted to, I could hardly tell... It would take a god to tell, a god to know. But there was only the goddess, a fake deity created for the self absorbance of a single man. All I had told Katherine was that her Grandmother was attacked by Desians on our trip back from Luin. She never prodded any further, thank the heavens.

I didn't want to be blamed. I already blamed myself, I couldn't take the shame from the only family Tia had left.

_Well, _I thought. _Not _only _apparently. _

"It… We were walking into Luin." I started quietly, almost hoping if I spoke quite enough, she couldn't hear me. "We sensed something was wrong right off the ba- I mean…" I realized baseball wasn't a Sylvarant thing, so I changed my words. "Not even a second after we got there. We walked into town and…" I took a deep breath. "Desians. Everywhere. They had two children hostage, and without saying anything Tia went in to save them. She failed, and she was… captured."

"C-captured?" the older medic murmured, voice shaky and eyes wide. "You mean… Tia might be alive?"

"I tried to save her… But I failed miserably…." I told her, lowering my head further. "We were saved by Balder and Chiron, Me and Sarah I mean. The boy and Tia weren't as lucky."

The girls face went back to normal, and she was now looking down at the letter thoughtfully, and I wondered if she wished the boy- her _brother_, made it out instead of me. When nothing was said, I continued. "I did _everything _I could, and I failed…I-I can't say I'm sorry, there was nothing to regret because honestly… I looked it over, and there was nothing I could have done in my state back then." I admitted. Her gaze sharpened. "But that doesn't mean I will ever stop taking responsibility for it. Everything you feel because of me is _my_ responsibility. I will do anytyhing to make it up to you. Even if you never want to see me again, or even it you've already forgiven me." I looked at her straight in the eye, because even though I was scared, Katherine deserved the truth, and _dammit _I was going to give it to her. "Katherine… I'll be better. I'll do whatever it takes so I'm strong enough to not let that happen again."

I _was_ sorry for holding the truth from her, yes. I _was_ sad for failing to save Tia. But most of all, I was sorry for being too weak in every sense of the word. I locked up my feelings to tolerate them, and in turn hurt everyone around me. It was too late to fix it though. I had lost Ann, Giles, Tia, and I might have lost Katherine as well.

However. Apologizing wasn't going to make her trust me. It wasn't going to make up for it. I didn't care about forgiveness… I cared about payment. I would _do_ something to make up for what I wasn't going to stop the Desians from doing the same things. It didn't _then_.

Its not like I wanted to free the world from them because they were suffering exactly. No, it was more of the people I wanted to last were affected by it. The Desians made everyone weak, so I would make us strong.

I talked big though. There was still a single lasting fear… There was still an unfair part of me that refused to leave, that I could only keep silent about, that I just couldn't simply _lock away._

_Please don't leave me,_ I wanted to plead. _I don't want to be truly and utterly alone… _

… _**Weren't we anyways?**_

But I didn't need people. That's just who I was labeled as… Right?

_**Exactly.**_

"Eris… Thank you."

I stiffened, and watched her as she smiled, although teary eyed, completely and utterly _sincere_.

_Just as sincere as her grandmother._

_**But how sincere can it **_**actually** _**be?**_

"I'm sorry to tell you this… But you need to write her back… You don't need to go back to Luin, but… Write her back." Katherine ordered, now a stern, but soft expression on her features. "She deserves that much."

"You don't want to do it yourself?"

"Oh no." She said, pointing at me. "She wrote _you."_

.

_Dear Sarah,_

_I cannot go to Luin at this time to answer your questions as you asked me to. I can however, afford to write you a letter to answer them. It wouldn't be fair of me to keep this from you, and if I have the power to make something easier for you, I have the responsibility to do it._

_I remember you also. I didn't get to speak to you much, due to everything that was happening. Yes, I am Tia's student. It has been this way for several years now, and even though she hasn't been around, her memory still inspires me as a teacher should. I'm sorry to hear that your family life right now is confusing, so I completely understand that you're looking for any connection to your past family. I lost my family long ago to a terrible accident. I was very surprised to hear that Tia is your grandmother, but I would believe it. She has a very large heart, enough room for an infinite amount of people. _

_I do have some information, regarding Tia. There are many things I could tell you, although none can convey truly just how amazing your grandmother was. The foremost information I should reveal to you is this; Your elder sister, Katherine, is alive. I'm not quite sure just how you're related exactly, but I know you both have the same mother. _

_Katherine is planning on visiting you soon. I'm not sure when, but soon, judging by the way she's fervently packing. _

_We live in Palmacosta, Tia lived here with Katherine quite some time ago. Last Tia told me was that her daughter lived in Asgard twelve years ago, but I have never met her myself, and I'm not sure how valid the information is and just who she is to anyone. So it's not much information to go off of. _

_Thats all I can think of that is necessary for you to know. I travel much, so I can't guarantee I will get your letters soon after you send it. If you have anymore questions that is._

_I apologize in advance if this does not satiate your desire to know more about Tia. I hope you grew up well after the tragic incident all those years ago, but since you're looking for closure I assume you've grown up rather nicely for your predicament. Although its a pleasure, there's not much more I can think of to say._

_Hope I don't see you too soon, Eris_

_P.S. I hope your right. Maybe this will help us both to heal, and keep Tia's memory. _

.

I had a dream that night. A dream I often replayed in my head, but never remembered why.

I was fifteen at the time(In my first life), right before I was caught in a rockfall. I barely survived it, and I was out of commission. It wasn't like what happened with Anna, rather I was _underground_. It was scarier than falling from high places, and I came out that day with a harsh fear for tight spaces. I received therapy later but…

Anyways, there was another dream as well. Of my past life again.

I was standing in a blue dress around a table in front of a couch that my grandma sat in, grinning nervously as I held a scarf we tried sowing on the old and worn couch as I spoke to the older woman. Although it was hilarious how butchered the attempt was, I was sad I failed so badly. I wanted my first attempt back, so I didn't _have_ to start over, but I couldn't. But the fact was, I _could_ start over. So I was also hopeful.

I felt a breeze in my clothing. The clothing I wore in my dreams at least.

_**They were uncomfortable. **_I heard a voice comment in the back of my mind, and I laughed a bit as I watched on in my dream. It _was_ uncomfortable, but my grandma made it, and it was cute. It was actually a Oshawott dress. Pokemon, she made it for Christmas. My grandma was awesome.

I suddenly felt sad. I wanted it back. But I shook my head. I made a decision, I was going to see it through, to the illogical bitter ends. _I _took my life, so _I _was going to live through the new one given to me that time.

We continued stitching for the rest of the dream. Truthfully, I would have given up, if not with my grandmother. She taught me to keep trying, because at the ends of that week, I had a scarf that was decorated with leftovers from our... _My_ previous failures.

.


	8. Chapter 7- Wheels of Fate Don't Stop

**Chapter 7**

**Wheels of Fate Don't Stop Turning**

"We are all born with a letter inside us, and that only if we are true to ourselves, may we be allowed to read it before we die."

**A/N**

**Unedited. I'm tired... Four in the morning. Ugh. Happy late thanksgiving everyone.**

I swung my arm as several knives threw out, like snarling dogs with sharp teeth. They both hit the bark and I swung around to the dummy behind me and swung my dagger at it vigorously and quickly, before turning around and throwing more knives in the same way. But this time was different, because I had coated the daggers with my Mana as a way to make them stronger, quicker, colder, and more aerodynamic. I also did this to increase my 'combos', and by that I mean my stamina. I had already been doing this for a few hours, and wasn't too close to stopping just yet.

I hadn't yet received a letter back from Sarah from a week before, so I was holding out on traveling for a while. I could only wait around so long though, since I was expected to head to Asgard and pick something up from a client, and head to Izoold. I had never been to Izoold before, so it was actually pretty exciting for me. Well, as exciting as traveling to a fishing town can be.

But the point was, I was bored, and began messing with the energy in my body. But that time, I managed to get it further off. I stood there, shocked, before running straight to my training spot and testing it out.

And it _worked. _

A ball of mana shot out, and although it didn't last long, it rested on the tree and it began to create a type of mana mucus of sorts between the tree bark before exploding as my blade slashed it over and over again afterwords.

"Eris?"

I kept going, but I spared a glance in the direction the sound came from.

"Ha… Ann?" I panted, swinging my dagger at the dummy. "W-what are you doing h… here?"

"Umm…" She started, rather loudly as she lifted up her robes to step over a log. "I-I heard noises… I guess that was you… Training?" She said, her voice rising in slight question.

I rolled my eyes as I came to a stop, throwing my last knife to the tree. She stared at it, shocked as a huge hole appeared where the knife landed.

"Yeah… Thats me." I responded, taking a deep breath and wiping my face on a piece of cloth I brought. I eyed her as I tossed it back in the bag I brought, tilting my head slightly. "But what are you doing here?"

"I-I was actually going to do the same… Thought I'd learn some magic, you know?"

I let out a deep breath. "Well.. I think I'm done here anyways, so you can just get started."

"R-right." She nodded, opening her book she sat on the ground, but instead of reading she watched me from the corner of her eye.

I was picking up my daggers, placing them in a extra thigh pouch I had just in case something happened to the originals. I figured my body was developed enough for me to be able to carry a larger blade, and possible some armor. But I was _lazy_. There was no way I was going out of my way to do that, though I probably should have.

"You have… certainly changed a lot…" She murmured, trying not to make eye contact.

I looked to her, and noticed she had changed as well. She now sported longish orange pigtails, and somehow her purple eyes seemed wider than before. She was quite pretty, but still pretty petit. Fifteen years of growing did nothing for her height though.

_**Still too shy though. Probably thinks you hate her or something because you stopped talking. Typical teenage female, 'If he doesn't text me back five minutes later, should we break up?' 'If he doesn't want to grope me anymore, does that mean he doesn't like me?' blah blah blah...**_

I winced to myself, _Right… _I thought, now putting two and two together. No wonder she was so nervous right now. I could only imagine how insecure a teenage half elf _female_ was.

"You have too…" I murmured, watching her. "Well. You've gotten prettier at least."

She blushed, finally looking up at me. "R-really? I mean… You too!" I tilted my head, facing away from her. Her response was a polite one, but far from true. The older I got, the more unruly my hair got as well. I knew it was mostly because I insisted on keeping it short. However, long hair was irritating. Sometimes, people wound up believing I was a boy. Which was fine, since gender bias was not nonexistent in the world of Sylvarant.

The sun was hiding behind some clouds, so it unavoidably grew darker. I frowned at this, wondering if it was going to rain. Rain was far from uncommon in Palmacosta, sometimes it lasted for weeks in fact.

"U-um…" I turned to her again, raising an eyebrow as she blushed.

"What is it?"

"If you put more concentrated mana in your dagger," She started, and I vaguly remembered showing her I _could_ utilize mana. "You can make your weapon ice based…"

I blinked at that in surprise, and she misinterpreted it as me being irritated with her advice and began to stutter again. "T-the mana becomes a lot more clear _outside_ of you. With elven blood, I can see your Ying mana compatible... S-so…"

I was silent, as she twitched apprehensively. Strangly enough, the 'ying and yang' referred to the nature of mana. It was told in textbooks that Ying mana was earth, ice, water and darkness. Of course, a long time ago there was a controversy between scholars that Yin mana should be considered mana that takes 'physical' form, and others that take spiritual form(Like earth and Fire). But when they realized that wind does have a tangible existence, it didn't exactly work like that. Also, there was just so many things wrong with that way of categorizing in the field of mana study. Thus, water was considered a element ruled by shadow. certain healing artes can have water elements, but also light mana. I also remembered Kratos comparing it to the state of the worlds. Which reminded me, Ying and Yang was pretty much the same in Aselia as Asia, just connected to elements of mana.

Remembering where I was, and that Ann was waiting awkwardly for me to say something, I decided to give her time to herself to train, as I turned to leave.

"It might rain." I told her, placing a hand in my pocket. "... Don't push yourself too hard. Alright?"

With that, I walked away, leaving Ann alone to fend for herself once again.

_This is why I don't have friends. Boohoo. _

.

The Desians had started coming more frequently as well.

It wasn't every single day, but it was limited to twice a week. Twice a week, someone was either taken or killed. I still hadn't left town yet, but my time was running out as I was going to have to leave for Izoold within a couple weeks.

I had heard that Palmacosta had the highest amount of Desian problems compared to any other town, village, or city. It was rather odd, since we had a _Militia _that was oh so helpful. But I also supposed it had something to do with the fact Magnius was in charge of this area.

There were rumors that people had been getting captured at sea as well, but some believed it was because of the excess amount of monsters, but others believed that there was a nest of Desians out in the sea.

Which was really weird, because what's the point of a ranch in the sea, if they were supposed to be around _humans _for cultivation?

I didn't _quite _buy it, but knowing how the Desians worked I wasn't about to let my guard down. I would be extra careful at sea and look out for any further rumors regarding it.

There was also some rumor about some kind hearted chocolate that was very helpful, but I ignored it on the grounds it didn't make much sense at all.

.

I stopped at the store one day, feeling the need to ease my sweet tooth on something yummy. I wanted candy, and I knew that the travelers market by the docks were sure to have it as always, so I made my way over to the best store over there.

Except, they didn't have it.

At first, I was kinda just like _Okay, I'll just go to the next one to look then_. And I did just that.

But then I looked in the next one, and the ones after that.

Finally, I made my way to a secret store in the back having no luck in all the normal people stores, that I managed to only discover by rumor and _lots _of luck, and they had what I was looking for. A single candy bar.

It was three thousand Gald.

And yes, you read that right, so don't bother checking again because it was _three thousand frigging gald _for a _candy bar_.

"What the-?" I voiced aloud, looking at the man hidden in the shadows of his stall. "Why is the candy _three thousand_…?"

"With the desians about," The man rasped in a slightly accented voice, "No one has been able to get supplies because they've been raiding them all. No one buys anything but the necessities anymore, so no one _sells _anything but the necessities. When things don't sell, people don't make it. Simple as that."

"So the economy has gone down the drain?" I asked(More like stated), and the man nodded.

"Its hard enough for us to get our hands on the supplies, since Desians raid them. And what they don't raid, they steal from our stores. Sorry kid, but you better save up. Its only getting worse from here."

On the walk from the travelers market and through the docks, I noticed for the first time that the docks were far less lively than what was normal and healthy.

Only the large boats were running, and even then they were only boats funded by outside sources, very _rich_ outside sources that charged a ton to allow one foreign cargo shipment to sail on the ship itself.

Thomas, a fisherman who lived nearby waved at me as I walked by. His buddy wasn't with him, he had been getting sick a lot lately. I knew because Katherine was usually gone helping out that family.

There weren't as many stalls either, only the ones bearing the necessities and although I constantly complained about the overly lively city, I realized anything less in a place like Palmacosta was just… Depressing.

The smart citizens were moving to Asgard, or boarding the ship for Izoold(This was the majority) before there were no more options except to stay in Palmacosta. They saw where the wind was blowing, and prepared before it was too late. People were frantically buying solo passes outside the church of Martel to get through through Hakonesia peak, because before long I knew(And remembered from the game) just how expensive the pass would become, and if I didn't already have an alternate route to Asgard I would be doing the same thing just in case.

There were people wanting to go to Iselia for their peace treaty, but the only people allowed in Iselia were the initial citizens or people connected to the Church of Martel. Even then, you had to get special permission. Many offered unique services, so the ones who lived there lived lives of luxury… Well. Compared to the rest of us. Explained why a village so protected and 'good' to live in was so small by numbers in the world of Sylvarant didn't it? The only chance you truly had to go there was if you were training to be a priest, and even then you didn't stay forever. There was a town located just north of Iselia, it was a travelers town, but it was closer to the ranch than Iselia, without a peace treaty _and_ so far away from any town, you'd simply starve or have no way to survive. The docks that used to operate in that village didn't work anymore, as the sea up north became more and more dangerous. From what I heard, the only people left there were people who couldn't leave, because they were too weak or they were raising families. Or because jobs for many of e certain trade were

Hobbyist stalls were no more. Rarely any tourists either, after all, if anyone was touring at all during those times it would be to Asgard of all places. People would only stop in Palmacosta to head to the Thoda Geyser the next day.

The more people that left, the more children were left behind in the orphanage. Me and Ann were lucky we didn't have to share our beds, because several children had to do just that, since room and funds were running out in those bad times.

Just one more thing the game didn't add. If there was any excessive movement in the town, it was either someone dying or the Desians ravaging the city. Otherwise, it was mostly still.

.

"Did you hear about Kilia?" Kaiden asked one day, walking behind me as I was walking through the town grocery shopping for Katherine.

"No. Is it a new board game or something?" I asked, not recognising the name. "Sounds pretty odd. I thought you didn't like board games?"

"N-no, I don't." He said looking somewhat surprised. "And Kilia is not a game, she's a person! You mean you don't know who she is?"

I looked up lazily. "Nope."

"Its the Governor-General's daughter! You know, how do you not know these things?!"

"I usually find myself preoccupied with other things, like counting pebbles on the side of the street, and um." I picked up a bag of fruits and turned to the boy next to me with droopy eyes. "Shopping. Not gossip."

He rolled his eyes, and walked beside me. "Yeah yeah. Anyways, her dad took her out the school register to homeschool her instead… "

"We have schools?"

"Yeah, I used to go." He said, blinking down at me. "But after my parents died, no one was around to pay for it. Kilia is Dorrs daughter though, so I'm surprised he's homeschooling. Palmacosta has the best schools in the world."

_**Haven't we heard this somewhere before?**_

I stopped on the side of the bridge we were walking across, and turned to my blond friend. The little voice in my head was right, I _had _heard that before. Kilia's name I mean, and something about the schools… But that was less important I'm sure. And it was in the weird type where I remembered it from my past life instead of this one..

I remembered reading Twilight, and how they described it was pretty close to what this was. I wasn't a big fan, but it was like my past life was spent with bad eyesight, then the memories from this life was like putting on glasses, it wasn't _harder _to remember though. Another Analogy was that one life one a hue of red, and this one was a hue of blue.

It was somewhat hard to explain. I'm pretty sure it had to do with the presence of Mana though.

"_You_ have to pay to go to school individually? Taxes don't pay for it or anything?"

Kaiden opened up his mouth to speak, but saw something behind where I was standing and froze. I raised a brow, and turned my head and my body a bit to see what he was looking at.

Well, what a coincidence. Of all times to show their face for the 'first' time.

"That's how it used to be." Governor-General Dorr smiled sweetly, which I could definitely see through(Except I knew deep down inside, if I didn't know the truth I'd never be able to see through it, he was _really _good). "But with the Desians, I'm afraid most of the money has been going to the militia. But as soon as we win, I promise I'll see to it our people get a proper education."

I kept my poker face, not wanting to make him seem welcome around me. He was in cahoots with the Desians, the same people who ripped Tia away from me(And for the petty fear factor of losing his wife? As if monsters weren't scary enough for a teenage girl like me). But the most concerning thing… Although he walked through the streets usually to gain charisma with the people, it was just my luck he picked me to bother.

"G-Governor-General Dorr! Er, yeah, your right! I can't imagine how much that costs!" Kaiden said excitedly, with a happy grin on his face. He was one of the people who idolized the traitor, and I felt bad for not saying anything but its not like it could affect him if I did. It was a lose lose situation either way.

"Yes, it takes quite the toll." Dorr sighed dramatically, but then put on his stupid smile again(Stupid stupid stupid! Traitor!). Yeah, I was being childish, but I _was_ a child…

_**Age is no excuse to act like a idiot.**_

"Why don't you cut down on expenses?" I glared, putting on my best scowl. I knew it was best not to let him knew I knew, but… I couldn't stand people who lied about who they were! "It's not like we're trying to fight them off by throwing coins at them. Money doesn't win fights, strength does."

Realizing that sounded too condescending for a child, I bumped my chest with my fist, trying to appear 'passionate' rather than angry.

Kaiden laughed nervously, catching on to my negative energy. "Eris…" he warned under his breath. "Be careful."

_Your one to talk…_ I thought childishly, while I kept my scowl and stared down the bogus leader.

"Your right of course," He said, and I raised an eyebrow. _I am? _ "But it does add up."

I resisted the urge to scoff, and stood my ground. "The militia is a volenteer based system, so where's the money-" I cut myself off and shook my head, not wanting to simply start problems. "... Never mind. I'm sorry."

_So _who _is the money going to? _Was the silent question, that I'm sure he heard. The information I was giving couldn't hurt me, because he had no clue where I was getting it _from_. The most he could do was be extra careful, but when you wore a dress around everywhere it was somewhat difficult. You were liable to trip.

I was curious to what he was going to say, I hoped it was the pathetic _Oh would you look at the time!_ but instead, he said "It alright child. I understand, the Desians destroy many things, Militia or no. I can't simply leave things the way they are!" After smiling kindly at me, he looked down at Kaiden sporting a heroic smirk. "I swore I would defend the city from desians, and I'm going to do that soon."

_You? _I thought to myself, but the fact was he defended himself pretty well. He didn't break a sweat at all, not even a break in his mask. I kinda wished I made him squirm just a little bit for the satisfaction of it, but there wasn't really anything I could do.

Dorr left soon after that, while me and Kaiden finished our shopping. I felt bad for being in a bad mood the entire time, but I couldn't help it. Well, I _could_, I just didn't want to.

Dorr… It was sad, how fake he was. Yet everyone fell for it. I supposed after so long of suffering, the people were willing to believe anything that promised retribution.

We eventually made our way to the roof, where we sat on the edge and looked to the mountains and the rest of the town. It was quite beautiful actually, you could see bodies of water along with it, even though we weren't on the ocean side.

"I heard the chosens journey is coming soon…" Kaiden started, and I looked at him, noticing the way his skin glowed in the sunset. His eyes sparkled, radiant and full of life that was rare from the people of Sylvarant. "I hope she passes through here… I-I would really like to thank her, for risking her life to protect the people of Sylvarant. It sounds cheesy, but… I want to protect Sylvarant too! Its a cruel place, but maybe… Maybe in the regenerated world, people will be kinder."

I frowned. I knew that would not happen, because even after the worlds were _reunited_, things somehow managed to get worse than before. More and less complicated, yeah. But the general _kindness_ of the world…

Not one bit.

"To be honest," I sighed, looking over to him with a slight smile. He looked back to me in interest. "I would like to as well… But only because she's taking such a huge risk. Not because I believe in it."

The not-so-older boys eyes widened, "What's there not to believe in?!" He exclaimed in shock, as I held my hands up in mock arrest as he kept going. "Why else would the Desians be out to kill the chosen? They don't want to disappear!"

"And where do they go?" I countered quietly, tired from my frustration from the earlier fiasco. "People don't just disappear. Half Elves are people too, I mean where would they go? They're not mystical spirits. The ranches aren't just going to poof away."

Also, the whole notion that the Desians(Labeled as Half elves) was just a problem that could simply just disappear was part of the whole racial issue. Not a big part, but they were viewed as things that could be tortured till they disappeared. As in 'who care's if I shove you to the ground? You and all your Desian friends are going to disappear as soon as we sacrifice the chosen.'

People don't just disappear after all.

Kaiden looked torn.

"Eris…. I know you don't like Dorr, but… I've joined the Militia." I jerked in surprise, ready to admonish the blond haired boy, when he cut me off, shaking his head.

"The ranches might not disappear, and the whole group of Desians either. But people don't live forever, including the chosen! I have the power to do this… I have to do this!"

I knew it was hard for him to consider that Martel might not be what he thought, and I wasn't exactly there to talk him out of his beleifs, so I sighed and tried to console him… In a way I actually knew how. "Listen… Something as big the Church of Martel has to have some kernel of truth, I'll give you at least that…" I gave a slight smile. I imagined it was probably creepy on me. "But things will get better soon!"

He looked to me sadly, lips thinned out. "Really? Promise?"

I sighed. "Kaiden… I can't-"

"No no!" He shook his head, and turned to me fully, a determined look on him face. "Ignore that… Lets make a pact instead."

He stuck out his hand, ready for a handshake, and I watched him as he spoke in a very strong, and surprisingly mature way.

"Lets promise each other… We won't sit by and let someone else make the world better. With great power comes great responsibility!"

I watched him, mixed feelings in my heart. I ignored the Spiderman reference, too choked up to say anything. I felt cynical, bitter, _jealous _even.

But I was also warmed by his childish enthusiasm. I didn't care for what he said, but he was willing to walk forward himself. To make the world I didn't even belong in better.

I was… Touched by this. That a seventeen year old boy could simplify something so much. Looking at me like I belonged. Like I had a purpose.

But I didn't. Eris did, so I would simply try and figure out what was to come. I would act like I belonged… That I didn't belong dead.

Kaiden didn't say a word as _I_ lifted my hand slowly. This was something I would want in any life. To change things. Nothing changed in my last one. I was empty in my last one. I had few people I cared for here, but…

I made a promise.


	9. Chapter 8- Tragedy

**.**

**Chapter 8**

**Tragedy**

"Our real discoveries come from chaos, from going to the place that looks wrong and stupid and foolish."

**A/N**

**SO… this is it. The chapter of truth. This is where I promised you guys… Hehehe…..**

**MagatsuIza- **You can't huh? Well here we are then… Hehehehe…

**Arobaze-**Thank you! Also, I kinda giggled at your 'no aurion in sight' comment. I give you credit for that. LOL

**IHaveNoIdea8-** You wanted to see the warehouse, huh? Trust me, it'll be brought up again, but…

Anyways, it would be so completely wicked if you could draw Eris! I'm trying to upload some more stuff, but I'm technologically impaired. As for Zelos? Ahhh…. Zelos. He's a character all right, and paired with someone like Eris, it'll be… Interesting. And yeah, she basically is baby Kratos isn't she? XD Well, in certain aspects. Also, Noticing they look alike? Something like that. But many people look exactly like their parents, but never make the connection. Lloyd looks so much like Kratos, and no one picked up on it. But you're right, with the way she acts and looks, its different from Lloyd who acts like a idiot. I'm not sure if I mentioned it either, but Eris has Anna's face. But definetly. Sibling Eris and Lloyd will be interesting. Not sure which will be more so, him or Zelos.

**Slulldom-** Thank you! ANd the other characters…? Hwooboy.

Heres the thing, I already have them all Designed- Tia, Giles, Kaiden, Ann, and Katherine. But Computer art is not my specialty. So I'm trying to upload the photos, but… I'm technologically impaired.

**MagatsuIza**(Again)- I don't know, do you? Hmmm… IF anything happens, it will most likely be in the sequel. Probably. I dunno, depends on the feedback I get.

**Kurotiger-** THAAAaAaAnk YoU~! Honestly, I was really happy to get your review, and the second I did I looked at it once, then heroically yelled 'The babes neeeeed meeee!" And updated. Just because I love my readers and your enthusiasm made it impossible to hoard the chapter without editing it, and you drove me to finish it completely, so thank you! Also, your username makes me happy… :3 I wondered it it was a blue exorcist reference, but then I just kinda figured it was kinda awesome anyways. Also, Kuro is a cat on Blue exorcist, so… Ah, sorry. Rambling. I'll stop. :)

I knew I had stayed in Palmacosta for too long, waiting for a letter that hadn't come yet. I had three weeks left to complete my mission, and it took two to get to Asgard. I was running late, and that... Was not good.

I was getting ready to go, and I was standing just outside of the gates along with Kaiden and Katherine. I had my usual equipment with two thigh pouches and more throwing knives in my boots this time, knowing I had a long job ahead of me. I brought some extra money with me this time, just enough to get food, several nights worth at a hotel, and some extra just in case.

Katherine always saw me off any time she was available, but Kaiden was rarer. The blond haired boy was also more lively than before, and instead of the tentative relationship we had before of crusher and crushee, it was now more of a best friend bond, although it was far from it. My best friends resided in my past life- I didn't even know if I wanted people in the world I wound up in.

"Are you sure you're fine with going alone?" The boy asked concernedly. "I can go with you if you want."

I shook my head, smiling a bit. "No, I'm fine. You'll just slow me down anyways."

"Well theres no need to be too nice." Kaiden responded sarcastically, biting back a grin.

"Yes, I do worry…" Katherine pitched in with crossed arms. "May Martel protect you on your travels…"

I didn't say anything regarding Martel, I knew how sacred religion was to people. I was decently religious myself before hand. I wouldn't mind keeping those beleifs, but it was rather hard to believe in a religion whenit didn't even exist in the world.

How could you make a lifestyle out of something that seemed to vanish along with your life?

I opened my mouth to respond, when a sudden flash of white momentarily invaded my vision. I heard a squeal(Kaiden) and then a thump. Kaiden undoubtedly fell. I briefly wondered how he thought it a good idea to join the militia, danger aside…. I mean, squealing? What a mambi pambi...

Oh, me. I was wonderful.

Its brightness lessened soon enough, and I was left wondering just what _it_ was, I looked around wildly in search of the source. My answered was the sight of a straight line of light in the north west. I was rather confused, _what _is _that? _I thought.

_**Well would you look at that… The gates of hell have opened up! Its about time!**_

I rolled my eyes at the voice. At that point, I figured it was more of a negative side of me coming from switching worlds. You know, when you look in the mirror and a voice is whispering in the back of your mind, "Pathetic. So fucking stupid, just disappear already". You could be the smartest person in the world and believe the voice. I groaned, brushing my messy hair back, knowing just how insane that sounded. It wasn't my fault though, the biting thoughts. I was sure deep down... Everyone had them.

"Is that…?" Katherine gasped, looking to the light. It had not ceased, still shining bright.

"The oracle!" Kaiden exclaimed excitedly, eyes sparkling. He may have been sixteen, but he was still childish as ever.

_Wait, the _oracle_? That wouldn't be…_

"It seems the chosens journey has begun…" Katherine said, and my eyes widened and I turned to her. "It seems your travels might be more dangerous than we thought, Riss."

_Ahhhhh, the Chosen's journey? Shit, why didn't I travel sooner?_ I pursed my lips, glaring up at the light again. _There's a big chance I'll run into her, I'm heading in that direction! Gaaaaaah… _

"You okay Eris?" Kaiden asked concerned, and I gulped and nodded. He eyed me curiously, before his eyes widened in some sort of realization and he grabbed my shoulders and shook me excitedly.

"You might see the Chosen!"

"Don't touch me."

He let me go, and I stepped away from him and turned around. I needed to get this done as soon as possible, or there would be a higher chance of running into Kratos and Lloyd. Of course it was a small world. Just my luck, but wasn't as if they were searching for me or anything.

"S-sorry. I forgot."

"Well!" I shouted, my nerves strung out. "I should probably get going… I'm running pretty late anyways…"

After we said our farewells, I went as fast as I could to the next city; Asgard.

I was on the boat about an hour and a half later(The one that Balder usually came to, and Tia showed me), when a dark, foreboding shadow come into my vision. It wasn't actually making a real shadow of course(Not over _me_ at least), but the meaning of the structure itself was enough to make me shiver.

The Tower of Salvation.

Needless to say, while the people on board were gaping at it in awe and excitement, I looked away uncomfortably. It was a sign, the beginning of the end. Lloyd would fight long and rigorous battles, Kratos and Colette close at hand. Lloyd would get his heart broken, Kratos will be living in the dark shadow of his past alone and Colette-

I pursed my lips. I stopped walking. It was never described in the game, it wasn't even truly analyzed. All that was offered was she was going to risk alot to save the world, but soon realized her sacrafice would not be worth it if she was not alive.

Sacrificed.

We were told that Colette was to be given to angels, as a _trade_ for world regeneration. Everyone knew this, no one was exempt from that knowledge. It made me wonder how Lloyd and Genis never figured it out until later, but…

Right. Traded for world _regeneration_.

There were many words used to misdirect us to the true nature of it. Both in reality, and in the game. Replaced by the words 'sacrafice' and 'angel transformation' and 'supporting the chosen in her journey'...

The word 'Sacrifice' made it sound honorable. We were willingly allowing her to trade her life. 'Angel transformation' made it sound immortalized, a graceful end. But she was _choosing_ to kill herself. 'Supporting the chosen on her journey'?

I gulped at the thought; The thing I had most experience, what I tried to think of the least, the subject which wasn't _sacred_, but a word meant to be carried to the grave, but always, always always always remembered-suicide.

The people of Sylvarant expected Colette to commit _suicide_.

I flinched outwardly. That phrase was so… Raw. Words could downplay many things, just as easily as they could exaggerate. I looked around at the smiling faces on the boat. Husbands, wives, children, people of all ages were _hopeful_.Gazing up at the tower, mothers told their children that salvation was coming. The tower would stay in Sylverant, and they would no longer suffer. The Desians would disappear.

Well fed lies. But lies that they sadly didn't even know they were telling. So was it even a lie?

They all were supporting the suicide of Colette. Lloyds best friend.

I felt the urge to vomit, and stopped thinking. I couldn't. Colette… Was doing something dangerously similar to what I did. It didn't matter if it was done by knife, pill, or fucking _fairy wings_. Suicide was suicide.

I believed everyone deserved a choice. Including… That. It wasn't that I _supported _it at all, but... Who was I to…?

No. No no no. I stopped thinking, I was growing atttached to the soon to be angel without even seeing her. That… Wasn't right.

I felt a constriction in my chest. Anxiety. I hadn't had it in a long time, but with knowing the future, what it held for both me and the world...

I decided to read to deter my thoughts instead.

It took me only one day to get to Asgard after the few day voyage on the boat with the speed I was going, and I decided to take a thirty minute break. On a bench. With a sandwich(Some chef guy appeared out of no where, speaking of which, telling me he'd teach me 'how to make a sandwich'. Feeling like he was being sexist, because did he honestly think I didn't know how to make a _sandwich_? Also, I never liked the 'make me a sandwich, woman' jokes, expecting them to be done with in Sylvester at the very least, I delivered an angry kick to the face(His chef hat didn't even fall off, much to my displeasure) and walked to some other place... That was... A _bit_ distant in the past...)

Anyways, after that I met my client in the lobby of the fanciest hotel I could find. I won't go into much detail, since it was just like every other job. Get the memo, plan the pay, get the job done. I had done plenty of jobs for this man before, so he trusted me enough to give me money first.

Unfortunately, the only time I could meet him was on a specific day, so I couldn't exactly rush the mission.

My bad luck didn't make exceptions after rebirth. In fact, there was a joke I was a lucky charm for everyone but myself. Sometimes it seemed my bad luck contributed to someone elses good luck. Of course, not to horrible extents. More like if someone was rolling dice on mario party when I was around, they'd always get the highest number and I'd get one. Or something.

He wanted me to give someone a package, but didn't tell me what was in it. Just that I had to be somewhat careful and to not damage it too much. I agreed of course, because it was small enough to put in my pocket or down my shirt if I ever got in a fight and I already told him I would do the job a while ago. Protecting the box was simply another job.

Which I did of course, because apparently after the oracle the Desians were _all over the place_, and heaven forbid they leave a traveler alone. Speaking of which, I ran into hardly _any_. Which made sense, since the whole Desian problem was about to get a whole lot worse.

It took me about two weeks to get to the Ossa trail. I will tell you that I did _not _hide behind every bolder, tree, and stump I came across… I hid behind every _other _one.

I had to be careful, I did not want to chance meeting the Chosen. Chances are, I would ask to join them. Or Sheena, because I _loved _that weirdly awesome raven haired ninja chick.

Even if she was crazy.

I knew it was dangerous, and the last thing I needed was being thrust on a journey of fear and future knowledge, dramatic secrets and betrayal and Human ranches…I could always meet Kratos and Lloyd on better terms.. Right?

_Oh wait. Hadn't I already _lived _that?_

_**Join the club. Except the fact you've never **_**been** _**to a human ranch. And I would like to see one explode. And be the cause preferably!**_

Point is, it was dangerous, and I knew if I was presented the chance I would have a hard time saying no. I mean, I would see Lloyd and Kratos and go into some sort of family mode. Even if I didn't belong, _they_ did.

So when I reached Izoold fairly early, I got a room at the cheapest looking inn and very not Chosen from Iselia worthy, as to be passed by as easily as possible.

After that, I went exploring.

Izoold was a very run down place, much like another little travelers village Tia took me to so long ago. The people weren't very friendly, and it seems the place had its fair share of monster troubles. It was probably like that since the population consisted of people who lived outside of Izoold(Which was rare in Sylvarant because of Desians, but Izoold was pretty far away from them so it didn't affect them _too_ badly...)

I found myself doing a job for a thousand Gald(about ten dollars in currency) to help a few fishers carry crates from their boat to their storage hut. It was a rather hot day, so they were pretty desperate for help so they could relax at home and cool off for the rest of the day, and I completely agreed with them.

"The monsters have been getting restless since the Oracle." One of the fishermen grunted, him and his partner dropping the larger crate.

The younger one scoffed, and wiped his forehead with a sleeve. "Don't be stupid, didn't you hear? There's a Desian ranch far out in the ocean, there's no way _monsters_ could cause this much damage!"

I listened closer, rather curious about the topic myself.

_**My video game senses are tingling…!**_

"Bah!" the other exclaimed, "You can't blame everything on the Desians! They're _monsters_ that have been about, Not Desians! I've seen them with my own eyes!"

"If you did, you're lucky to not have been captured. Speaking of which, what about the captured? They're _captured_, so how would we know what they saw?" The younger countered again, and I after I placed the final box down, I stood there quietly. Missed out on a lot of the conversation, so I didn't understand much of it.

"Exactly, which is why we know the Desians are what they didn't see!You should quit listening to the wives gossip!" The elder chastised, "Your brain will rot!" After that, he looked at me, and I stood there not commenting on how little sense either man made. What did that last sentence even mean? He snapped his fingers, turning to me.

"You all done kid?" He asked, and I nodded.

Humming, he pulled out a bag of coins and asked "How much were you askin' for? A thousand right?"

I shook my head. "No need. But do you mind if I ask you something instead?"

The elder regarded me curiously, and nodded. "Sure thing… What did you want to ask?"

"Do Desians come around here a lot?" I asked, tilting my head. There wasn't a ranch here, but I remembered there was a Renegade base. There were quite a few of them here, and I could tell which was which because the Renegades would leave me alone, and the Desians would go out of their way to attack me. But if they were after Lloyd already, I thought the least I could do before I bolted was possibly 'redirect' them to where the boy in red was going.

"No, not really." The man said, a hint of questioning in his tone. "They still do, but they stopped coming as much around… well… I'd say fourteen or fifteen years ago…"

"How many were there before that?" I asked. It wasn't really valid, but depending on the amount of Desians that were there, theres a possibility there was a ranch in the sea near here.

"Ah… they'd usually come in troops about once a month. Maybe twice, but not often." He said, tilting his head and regarding me. He pulled out his coin pouch, pulled out some money and gave it to me. I took it with a raised eyebrow.

"You seem like a kid who gets in trouble… take it for luck." He told me with a smile, then scowled at the young man behind him. "Carlos! Lets go boy." He turned to me. "Have a good evening little miss."

And with that, he left, and nothing truly eventful happened for the rest of the day. I went back to the Inn, and read a bit on the history of the Balacruf Mausoleum. It was mostly about how the people of the Balacruf believed in the gods of wind, and the Blue Wind Princess.

Apparently, they believed they were either born as wind, or die to join the wind. It was actually quite fascinating, because the book included stories they told in the past, then solid facts to compare them.

Two days passed, and still no Aurion in sight. I know, because I spent most of the day glowering at the entrance, watching to see if they were coming before I could meet with the person I was delivering the box to. I even growled at a little kid who was nagging me about what I was doing. Hey, I was getting a bit edgy! When I was ruffled, I didn't like being prodded, that's just how I felt.

I thought I was going to make it without being 'caught', I only had one day left, then I could find a way to get back to Palmacosta without going through Ossa Trail, and get out of Izoold as quickly as possible.

My first time seeing Lloyd was not what you would expect.

See, you expected it to make be extremely dramatic right? Maybe by running into them fighting Desians, and me heroically jumping in to save them and they would _beg _me to join them on their journey and I would save the world. Or one of them would kill my grandma, and I would swear vengeance on them, and become the final boss fight. Or something. Uh, sorry. Rambling...

But no.

I laughed.

I completely forgot that in the game, Lloyd was a wanted criminal(I remembered _that _bit though), and as such the best way in a poor world to get people to find them was one thing; Wanted posters.

_I had no idea people could draw so badly. _

_**I think he looks rather dashing!**_

And he was, if by dashing she meant what it made me want to do myself. Which was _dash_, because honestly I wanted to rip it to pieces and draw him myself, but I also wanted to grab it and stuff it in my pockets for further amusement... Sorry. Terrible pun, but point still made.

It was Lloyds wanted poster, the one that was a constant running gag in the game, and I was thrilled I got to see it. Because in person, it was ten times as ugly.

.

End of Chapter.

Hahahaha…. hahaa…. What? I thought it was funny… For a cliffhanger anyway.

Please don't kill me.

But okay, okay... Well. NExt chapter!

**Preview**

Then I realized. I sighed. "You… You thought I was a boy, didn't you?"

**Status**

**Eris** **Sire**

_Level - ?_

_Title- ?_

_Strength- Decent **_

_Defense- Poor*_

_Attack- Good ***_

_Accuracy- Great****_

_Evasion- Great****_

_Intelect- Good***_

_Luck- *****_

_Weapon- Iron Dagger set *_

_Body-Leather underguard*_

_Arm- Leather gloves*_

_Accessory-NONE_


	10. Chapter 9- Saved From Tragedy

**.**

**Chapter 9**

**Saved from Tragedy**

"The whole world can become the enemy when you lose what you love."

**A/N**

**Okay, so to make up for the terrible thing from last chapter(Sorry guys) Three chapters in one week(I think… Or two). **

**But anyways. I'm really nervous about this chapter, because this is what you guys are looking for, I don't want to disappoint. So… If you don't like it, I'm sorry, and I hope you have the patience to either tell me what's up, or to keep following and reading on. **

**No acknowledgements today. Next chapter, I'll acknowledge all my reviews. **

.

I was shopping in the far part of Izoold, where it was foresty and all the shops were outdoor. It was a mildly sunny day, in Izoold it was rarely _warm_, but it was rarely cold either. Truthfully, Izoold would be the ideal place to live since it was protected by dangerous mountain passes and the sea from all sides, but that was it- It was protected by dangerous mountain passes and the sea from all sides. So they mainly thrived off of their own materials, and if necessary, trade from Palmacosta.

Even if the people weren't particularly friendly, but that probably had something to do with the fact that there was no set unity, they just kinda lived and did whatever.

I had a bag of tea boxes, because if I knew they had green tea here for _super_ cheap, I would have come a lot sooner. And I had another bag of jerky for my trip back home.

It was a little quiet in Izoold, mostly because whenever things happened, it took a _lot _to affect Izoold. Thieves were rare, and so was trouble, which explained the two fishermen from a few days before gossiping about trivial and irrelevant things. Sure, they loitered around… But not enough of them were around to cause real trouble to a bunch of self sufficient families.

I played with a cat. That was the most eventful thing of that day so far at that point… It was gray. And cute.

I was looking through the weapons, a few other residents beside me. My guard was down, there was no sign of trouble for several days, and the package was secured safely in my hidden pocket in my currently zipped up shirt. Due to it being so late in the evening, the tall collar was unzipped down to a little below my collar bone. I was browsing through the selection of weapon care items, and was planning on using my extra thousand gald on just that.

"Let's see, she said she wanted a new staff… Dammit, there's about twenty of them! Which one does she want…?"

I looked over to the staff section half heartedly, dragging my eyes slowly. I read a bit on magic, to see if I _could_ do it. I managed, but that took _way _longer than I was willing to spend time on and too much mana, and my Mana wasn't positioned just right to give me maximum controld over it, so I just stuck to the weaponry skills and strike attacks.

I saw a rather nice one, durable, pretty, and cheap. "Thats a pretty nice staff." I pointed to it. I turned to the person speaking, and my heart thumped once before stopping momentarily.

I should have known I would have jinxed myself, because after all this panicking, and then laughing at the picture that played a _huge _roll in the game, it was _Lloyd Irving._

_My brother._

I didn't freak out like a suspected I would, instead I just watched him carefully because he was very much _not _a video game character like I remembered, he was my long lost brother and he was moving naturally and humanely, as well as not being controlled by a navy blue remote that had the plastic chewed off slightly by various children and he was _looking at me_.

"Ah, you're right! Thanks!" He grabbed the staff happily, oblivious to my thoughts, and gave the store owner the money as I began to inch away slowly without realizing it, forgetting about the weaponry care stuff I was looking for. But before I could get away, He turned to me and grinned.

"Hey, you don't look like a fisherman. Are you from around here?"

"A-ah… No… Palmacosta…." I mumbled, watching him curiously, as well as… Regretfully, guiltily.

_Anna, Kratos and Lloyd could have still been a family if I acted. _I knew it didn't make sense, it would have happened anyways, the whole but I still blamed myself. I looked away from the stranger beside me, not being able to look him in the eye. I wasn't good for him.

"Huh? Your from Palmacosta?" The boy grinned, walking closer to me. I stepped back a bit, surprised. I mean… He was a hero, a _story_, was I even allowed to touch him? "Thats awesome! We're actually heading to Palmacosta ourselves. Say, do you have a boat to get over there? I thought the passage was closed or something."

I shook my head, slightly alarmed at his enthusiasm. He nodded, seeming to make a decision. "Lucky for you my group has a boat. Well, a boat _ride_. You wanna come with us?"

I was in dazed at this point, and if I was normal, I would have said _Sorry bub, I work alone!_, But I wasn't. Everything was happening so suddenly, I saw him, talked to him, and was conversing with him all in the span of five minutes. Someone who was related to me, but…

I could never let him know that. He deserved better, the last thing he needed was discovering me. Kratos was hard enough on him if I remembered.

"S-sure…"

So I said _that_. Very smart, right?

He grinned, "My name is Lloyd by the way. How about you?"

I blinked, and blushed. I wasn't about to give my long lost brother, (who was traveling with my long lost father) my name! That would just lead to disaster…

I knew I was overreacting, but when things were kind of happening(even though I expected it) who could blame me?

I crossed my arms."U-uh…" I looked to the side, but then finding a way to sidetrack, I stood up straighter and looked up at the grinning teen. "Hold on, where do you want to meet and when?" I said instead, and that seemed to distract him because instead of noting how I never gave him a name he blinked.

"Oh, right!... The boat. Uh. The professor told me we were waking up at seven in the morning, so… Around that? at the Fishing house?"

I agreed, because I was meeting someone there at that time for delivery anyways, and I excused myself and left as soon as possible.

.

And thats how I found myself in the Inn beating myself up.

_Why the fuck did I say yes?! Now I'm going to get to know them, and like them!... Maybe!_

_**How bad can it be? You can only ruin what little stability you have left for yourself. Nothing new there!**_

I wouldn't be able to handle getting so close to people like that. After losing my _entire_ life, Both families, and Tia I couldn't handle getting close to people and losing them again. It wasn't as if they _died_, but that wasn't the type of loss I was talking about. Kratos leaves at the end of the game. Derris Kharlan, if I remembered right. And Lloyd… There was more ways to lose people other than death, and in that case I was worried about something along the eyes of rejection, or screwing everything up.

It wasn't just about losing things as a whole either. It was about an tragedy that forever haunts me because I know I _could_ fix myself. I _could_ get back together, become strong again. Regardless of the past, I could fix my mistakes.

It was the fear of breaking _again_ that prevented helping myself.

Whats the point of healing if I'll just go back to the way things were? Its better to be alone than let my heart be ripped apart again. I'd rather isolate myself than anything.

I could lie all I want and tell myself, _It would hurt Lloyd too much_, but truthfully I was worried about my own rejection. About the heartbreak _I _would have to deal with. If he knew the truth, about _everything_, including my memories, would he hate me? Told me I should have found a way to save his… Maybe even _our_ family? It didn't sound like him, but I remembered him saying the same thing to Dorr and Yggdrasil in the game. If you wanted something to happen and you knew the outcome, you should have found a way to make everyone happy.

Then I remembered Kaiden. I'd told him a few things, that I remembered my family. Depending on what happens, there would be no way to hide the fact I was willingly abandoning my brother.

But we did say _everything in our power._ This… This was so far above my head, I'd get killed. I wouldn't make anything better. I would only hurt the people that I should have been able to consider my family. But it was pretty much expected of me to tag along… How could I pass up the chance…?

.

I was rather early to the fishing port, because that was where I was meeting the girl I was delivering the package to. Feeling refreshed, the nights sleep allowing me to keep a clear head for the meeting. I was strung out the day before, leading me to freak out needlessly. I was okay. So I waited by the wanted sign, which was actually right next to the large fishing storage. I waited there for about half and hour, when I saw Lloyd and his group walking over to us. and one girl I didn't recognise.

There was still no sign of anyone else, so I worried something happened to the person I was supposed to deliver the package to.

"Ah-! er, there… _you _are." He said, as if realizing he didn't know my name(I sighed. All that worrying about him, it was ironic he didn't even know my name), and the white haired woman, Raine Sage blinked at me, before she turned and glared at Lloyd… That wasn't odd at all.

I sighed, and glared off to the side. "Its Eris." I said, not wanting to sound too weird. I knew the name itself would ring alarms, but… I was sure a single _name_ wouldn't be enough.

"Your name's Eris?" Lloyd asked, sounding surprised. For a minute, I thought he miraculously knew somehow, but my fears were subdued when he continued. "But that sounds really girly…"

I tilted my head. What? What was wrong with girly names…?

"Lloyd. Your an idiot." That was Genis I was sure, giving Lloyd a unamused glance. "Eris _Is_ a girls name."

Then I realized. He didn't show any of the typical restraint a boy would with a stranger of the opposite gender, seeming more comfortable than what was logical. I sighed. "You… You thought I was a boy, didn't you?"

"Wh-what?" Lloyd stuttered, looking at me closer. Then when he seemed to realize, he took to waving his hands defensively. "No way! I knew…! Its just a weird name is all!"

"Lloyd..!" Raine growled, and realizing he was in even more trouble began to freak out more.

"I- Thats not what I…!"

I blinked at him. "... Its okay. Its a uncommon name, and its not like it matters…"

It was different when I _was _twelve and tried to look feminine, to look like a twerp. But now that my hair was short, _I _was short and wore baggy clothes and didn't even truly try to look like a girl, it was an easy mistake if you didn't get a close look.

The other brunnette girl I didn't recognize(I knew she wasn't part of Lloyds group) suddenly stormed over to me, and a couple of the party members eyed her in slight surprise as she got up in my face and peered at me rudely.

I frowned a bit. That time I wasn't wigging out like I did with Lloyd because I was prepared, so I was totally not freaking out when I noticed Kratos watching me in the corner of my eye. I made eye contact with him, then nervously looked back to the girl before me.

"You're Eris aren't you?" She asked(Demanded), placing a hand on her hip. "I was supposed to meet a girl with that name here right now."

I nodded in surprise, and she grinned, roughly grabbing my shoulders and rudely searching through my pockets.

The _outside _ones luckily. My shirt was still zipped up at this point since there was no reason to have it open. Walking around with a crop top wouldn't be ideal anyhow. I slapped her away, and she backed up a bit and glared as if _I_ was the one who did something bad.

_**Natalia much? **_

I couldn't help but agree with the voice in the back of my mind(As crazy as it sounds), as I reached in my back pouch with my backpack supplies and the package in it. That time I was more relaxed, and not put off by the fact she just began searching my body like a cop. It fit it there, since it was rather small. I handed it to her, and said "I'm assuming your Lyla."

She nodded, not opening the package but looking up from it for the first time and glaring at me instead. As if she forgot I was there. I felt mild defensiveness bubble up inside of me at her offensive behavior, and I wondered what was in the box.

The pushy female huffed and turned to Lloyd, seeming to dismiss me without a second thought. "You'll get that letter to him, right?"

"Yeah, yeah." The red clad boy rolled his eyes. It seemed even Lloyds friendliness had a limit. "We'll get it."

Seemingly satisfied, she turned tail and walked away rather haughtily.

Lloyd turned to me, and said "Your name's Eris then?"

I frowned and looked away. I couldn't help the blush on my face caused by nerves. All I had to do was sit around on a boat and then make a retreat. That was it. "Yeah."

"... Thats it?" The brunette asked, looking at me quizzically. I blinked, not really sure what he mean. So I just shrugged, and he let out a 'huh,' but then he moved closer to me and said, "Anyways, this is The Professor-"

"Raine." She cut off, and although she wasn't smiling she wasn't frowning either. I felt the familiar buzz that only comes from a half elf. "You can call me what you like, I suppose. I'm not exactly _your_ Professor."

"-And thats Genis-" Lloyd continued, and said boy smiled a bit. He also had that leafy like mana signature.

"-Colette-" She smiled at me and waved, and I noticed her mana was slightly… off as well, shifted a little more oddly than most. But it wasn't enough that I could actually tell you what was odd about it, but I figured it had to do with the angel transformation. "And Kratos. I have a dog named Noishe, but he kinda goes wherever…" Kratos tilted his head a bit as greeting, and I looked back at Lloyd. I didn't want to look at Kratos too long. That was just _asking _for trouble.

The mystery of Noishe and where he went confused me in the game. I guess Noishe kinda goes where he wants like Lloyd said.

I sighed, I didn't want to be rude or anything so even though they already kinda got the memo, I said "Well… My name is Eris… Nice to meet you."

Raine went to go talk to the boat… person, and the rest stayed with me to to chat, I assumed that it was probably due to never seeing anyone their age during the journey.

"Yeah, we got that." Lloyd laughed, and Colette walked up to me.

"So you're from Palmacosta?" She said, and I nodded. Lloyd must have told her.

"Wow, they have the best schools there!" Genis exclaimed, "Did you go to any?"

I shook my head. "N….no…" I said quietly. I wasn't sure I wanted to tell them I was an orphan, I mean Kratos was standing _right there_. Although he wasn't saying anything, I'm sure he was thinking plenty. How many fifteen year old girls had _I_ ever run into named Eris? No matter how far I was from Iselia, the possibility was obviously possible since I was here. But I guessed as long as I didn't reveal my age..."You either need to be super smart or super rich, and I don't really have either."

"What's Palmacosta like?" Lloyd asked.

"Crowded." I answered immediately, because that was my biggest pet peeve about the place. The amount of people and how big it was. It wasn't as large as the cities back on earth, but it was bigger than I was used to in either life. And the fact it was so different than what I was used to made it worse.

"What did you give to Lyla anyways?" The younger half elf asked, and I shrugged, now starting to get used to these people. Even if I wasn't quite comfortable with them.

"I dunno."

"Wha..? What do you mean you don't know, _you_ gave it to her didn't you?" Lloyd asked, and he tilted his head in question. He was actually making a pretty big deal out of the fact I didn't know what I gave to her. But I guessed that was just a quality of his… he liked to view things as simply as possible. If something doesn't work, then make it work. He had the will to cover for improbability.

I shrugged. "It was from my client."

"Your client?" Collette asked, tilting her head. "Are you a mercenary like Kratos?"

I scrunched my nose, and looked away. "I don't like that word. 'Mercenary' sounds ruthless."

"Well, ruthless is about right." Lloyd looked over to Kratos as if he was trying to make it unnoticeable, but the 'ruthless' mercenary simply rolled his eyes. My brother by blood failed at his 'discreet' attempts.

Raine walked over during our conversation, and stood next to Kratos and her younger brother. "The boat is ready. Lets go."

Lloyd nodded enthusiastically, and exclaimed "Awesome! I've never been on a boat before!"

All the younger ones besides me ran to the boat, and I felt extremely out of place walking calmly next to the older two. Kratos was a bit ahead of both me and Raine, but he wasn't so far away he was detached from the two of us, which was unfortunate for me.

"So you're a traveler?" Raine asked, her cloak moving slightly in her stride. I noticed her looking anywhere but the sea, so I guessed she was trying to ignore the fact that boats were _in _water.

"Yeah." I said answered, shoving my hands in my pockets. "I did it for training when I was younger, and I guess… I never got out of the habit." If traveling and killing monsters classified as a hobby, but then again Kaiden always liked to hunt little monsters outside of Palmacosta for fun with some others when we were young. He always took Giles with him, and tried getting me to join, but I was too advanced for that.

I wasn't fond of talking about my time with Tia so freely to strangers, the life of news spreading like wildfire in Palmacosta spared me from having to repeat it myself.

"Oh really? You look very young though." The elven woman had slight questioning in her tone. But as I looked to her, I noticed a very large(albeit well hidden, but not hidden enough) suspicion showing on her features. "But I suppose you're from Palmacosta… So I'm not too surprised. Genis is advanced for his age as well. " I internally groaned. But I guess if she thought I was twelve, fine.

"I started traveling when I was around seven." I said instead, and she frowned. She was smart, so I knew how transparent I was as of that moment.

"Seven is still young. Did you go alone?" Kratos pitched in with all his holy fairy-man grace.

"No." I responded, shaking my head. Raine kept looking at me, expecting me to add something, but instead I stepped onto the boat silently, the boards creaked in protest, and saw the other teens goofing off on the left side of the boat. The adults seemed pretty content by the bridge when they stepped on, so I made my way over to the right side, and sat on the ledge and brought out a book to read it, keeping my eye out on the sea.

There was a part of me that knew there was something in the sea that was important, that had something to do with the rumors of the sea ranch or the plot of the story, but I couldn't pick out for the life of me what it was…

_**Isn't that where the red headed jackass comes in? In some ruins...?**_

_No, _I recalled. _Thats in the second game. And his name is Zelos._

The excitement died down eventually, and Lloyd was sprawled out on the middle of the boat with his friends surrounding him. Raine was still by the bridge, and Kratos was at the nose of the boat. Several feet away from me.

I actually somewhat _liked _Zelos, so I didn't have any clue where these feelings were coming from. I used to dislike him, but I kind of… grew out of it by the time I turned seventeen.

"I'm so booooored!" The twin swordsman complained, and Genis sighed and chastised him for his impatience.

"Told you this would happen…" Genis muttered when his scolding went through one ear and out the other.

"Shut it Genis!"

"Why don't we play a game?" Collette offered, smiling a bit. Lloyd perked up a bit.

"That sounds fun! What should we play though?"

Collette hummed a bit, turning to me she said "Eris, what kind of games do they play in Palmacosta?"

I looked over to her, and raised an eyebrow. "Depends on what you like to play…" It _was _kind of a dumb question, she made it sound like I was from another planet. But I didn't voice these thoughts, instead ignoring them and listening in on the conversation.

"Anythings better than this!" Lloyd whined, craning his head back to look at me. I knew he was expecting a suggestion from me, and I was honestly surprised at how that seventeen year old boy acted like a child. I'm sure he had his moments, but...

I sighed, trying to think. Me and Kaiden didn't do much back home, we went swimming sometimes, talked on the roof most of the time and did chores together almost never, but that was it. Since I mentally wasn't a child, we didn't really do childish things. In my last life I did though. That made me feel kind of bad, what was Kaiden doing, wasting his childhood on me?

He was already sixteen though, so making amends for that was a little too late.

When I was a teenager(Before), me and my buddies had a gorilla suit, and when we got bored, we would always go to a place we nicknamed Make Out Beach, because couples would drive up there to do what it sounds like; _make out_. So we'd put on the suit, sneak up on cars, then… _Bang bang bang! _and the couple would jump away like they'd been caught by their parents and we'd make monkey noises then run off to scare other unsuspecting couples. We had got that idea from my uncle, and decided when I was seventeen that it would be tons of fun to try with _my _friends.

That wouldn't work here, so I thought harder. Never Have I ever was a favorite. But I stopped playing, because if I lost I never backed out of a dare, so it was easier to just not play than to do dumb things. That had happened twice in my life, people hearing about the first time to see if I really would do it again.

I was a stupid kid. So it was weird to see a teenager like Lloyd. As in, he didn't try and be cool and fit in, he just liked who he liked and did what he did, no matter how childish.

I remembered a few more, but suggesting them wasn't something I really wanted to do…

"Ninja was one." I recomended, interested in watching them scramble about.

"Doesn't the second one involve alcohol?" Raine interjected, raising her eyebrow at me. I blinked, startled. Ninja? Well, it depended on how you played it...

I shrugged and folded my book. "Depends on how you want to play it. I don't do that one though. Drunk teenagers are _not _fun, regardless of the popular belief."

"Wait, what's Ninja?" Lloyd asked, somehow managing to tilt his head while leaning back.

"Its where you get to move once each turn, and you try and 'kill' the others playing. If someone goes to 'attack' you, you get to move to protect yourself. As long as your stomach or neck or head isn't hit, your still in. You start by taking a goofy ninja pose. Try not to knock each other down, but if you do get knocked down, you're out. If someone strikes, you can retaliate." I was simply going by the rules me and my _friends_ played back then, so I wasn't really sure if those were truly the rules.

Everyone seemed to get it soon enough, and eventually they were all standing in a circle. They were silent for a bit, until Lloyd turned to look at me and said "Come on. You're playing too, aren't you?"

I tilted my head, "Um… N-no thanks, I'm not very fun…"

"But you've played it before!" Lloyd argued, "C'mon, please? No need to be shy!"

"I'm not _shy…_" I grumbled, but came over to stand with them anyways. I had chosen to ignore that I was talking to my long lost brother for a bit, so I was fairly comfortable speaking to the red clad swordsman. Everyone was ready to go, and I sighed. "Who's starting then?"

"Um… You start." Lloyd said uncertainly. "I still don't get it yet."

"Okay." I sighed, giving in without a fight. I was playing anyways, so it didn't make much of a difference. I took a epic street fighter pose(Haha) and waited until the rest did the same. I eyed the group, deciding to go for Lloyd first since he had the best reflexes, and going for the others first would be border line _bullinging_.

Lloyd jumped back, and I was forced to stay still. It was then Genis's turn, who went to strike me(Although it was rather adorkable looking), and _I _dodged, just lightly slapping his hand away.

Colette just tripped.

I blinked at her. Seriously? She just… Tripped. Nothing even was there.

She just laughed it off, of course.

Genis was the next to go, because when he went to hit Lloyd, the older just poked him in the forehead. Genis insisted that was cheating, and I sighed. Why did I ever suggest the game...?

So it was just me and Lloyd. At first it was all fun and games, but when neither of us were getting anywhere, it got more… Intense. One thing after another, and it wasn't just strikes and pauses, but attack came after attack and we weren't getting anywhere.

So we just… Went at it, abiding by ninja rules, but with sparring without weapons.

I almost knocked him on the ground at first, but he caught himself with his hands. He then tried slapping my tummy to win the game, but I dodged and delivered a roundhouse kick. He caught it, and when he wouldn't let go, I swung my legs downward, taking him with it. He let go, but I was in control at that point, and he was losing his own. Having less reliance on weapons than him gave me the advantage, so even if his advanced exphere made it unfair, I had the skill to knock him off course. So when he tried to come back up, I simply shoved his face back down and flipped over him, and when I was behind him I finished the job by officially shoving him into the ground with a harsh flat footed kick in the rear.

I could tell he was going easy, but that made it all the swifter to finish it.

"Woah, that was awesome!" He was grinning. "Your pretty flexible, you know?"

I shrugged, trying not to glow in his praise. "Thanks. You did pretty good, too."

"That was fun!" Colette came up to us, giving me a smile. "I went out pretty quick, but it was exciting to watch!"

Genis nodded. "Yeah, although I totally saw your loss coming." He told Lloyd snidley.

"Shut it Genis!"

"Where'd you learn how to do that?" Colette asked innocently.

Lloyd turned to me, and I noticed a small red spot on his forhead, presumably where he face planted. "Oh yeah, that was pretty good. Its different without weapons, you know?"

The rest of the time was like that, them asking questions, and me answering.

I tried not to tell them much about _myself_ and more about Palmacosta itself, but they eventually began asking about what happens in my personal life.

"Children, don't pry." Raine called over, reading a book and I watched her jealously, wishing I could do the same.

Lloyd deflated, and turned back to me. "Hey, you should stick around for a bit in Palmacosta. I mean, you're a lot more fun than you think you are. Isn't it lonely to travel alone?"

I held back a surprised laugh, knowing that it was far from true. I was boring in my last life, so I had no clue what these people were talking about.

It turned to night, and although I managed to escape their prying, It was too late to read. So I was currently crammed in the bridge, using what little light there was on the lit candle, desperately to attempt and finish the chapter in my book.

"Uh, what're you reading?" Max tried asking, eyeing me.

"History on the Balacruf Mausoleum." I answered shortly, still trying to read.

"Oh, so you're a nerd now?"

Needless to say, I suddenly wasn't as desperate to finish the chapter I was on, instead I was sulking at my original spot on the boat. I mean, I wasn't a nerd just because I liked to read… Genis was a nerd. Yeah, not me…

At least he didn't sulk away from people though. Yeah, I am a loser. It was official.

I sat on the edge, looking up at the sky. The stars were incredibly pretty in the ocean, and I had to say the stars were far more gorgeous in Sylvarant than on earth. I remembered in my astrology class, Eris was actually the name of a star. I wished the stars were the same here, because there was nothing familiar about the night sky. Even the moon was unfamiliar, even though it was big, there was no man on the moon or familiar craters.

"I've read that book before." I looked down to see Genis, who was eyeing the book laying on the ground next to my pouch, bag of green tea and jerky. It was rather annoying to wear with my shirt sometimes, so I took it off knowing if anything happened I could survive just fine with only a dagger.

"Y-yeah… History of Balacruf Mausoleum." I repeated again, although somewhat cautious. Wasn't really fond of being called a _nerd…_

"You said you couldn't go to school though." He tilted his head. "Where'd you learn to read?"

_Didn't think he'd care to remember that._ I thought, turning around on my perch to face him. But it was true, there were plenty of adults in Sylvarant that didn't know how to read.

"I've been able to read as long as I remember." I said truthfully. In my past life, there was never a time I hadn't been a reader. I'd actually been a lot of things. Unfortunately, I'd given up many of those things. The most devastating one to me was drawing. But I was lagging when it came to that hobby anyways, so I could survive.

"So your parents taught you?"

I jerked, and stared at him in surprise. One of my fondest memories was of my parents reading with me when I was little, and that was in my past life. But then I remembered that was _Mikayla's _parents, and he was asking about Eris's parents. I sobered up a bit, Genis watched me curiously.

"M...Maybe…" I mumbled, and looked away. "I don't remember much about that though."

The half elf boy tilted his head, but he was smart enough to tell when I didn't want to talk about something and changed the subject.

"Have you ever been to the Balacruf?"

I nodded, and slid down to sit in front of the younger one on the ground, and he followed me. "Yeah… Only once though."

I noticed Raine coming over here at the corner of my eye, and she sat down next to her younger brother.

"Eris… Do you know where any seals could be? I have a hunch the water seal is somewhere near Palmacosta." Raine said, watching us a bit. I was rather surprised she was asking _me_ that, and although I knew what she was talking about and had an answer to back it up, I really couldn't help myself. I also wanted to test how much she was willing to elaborate.

"I knew you were an odd group." I started, trying to hold back a snicker. "Theres more than one." I successfully put on a poker face, closing my eyes 'thoughtfully' "There's usually hundreds on the beach every morning far up north Luin... But believe me when I say they do _not _like being touched."

_**Kind of like you. Are you sure **_**you're **_**not the seal their looking for? Hehe!**_

_Hilarious._

Genis just looked plain confused, and while Raine was for a few seconds, she seemed to get it soon enough.

"No, not the _animal,_ I mean… The seals for the journey of regeneration."

I nodded. "Yeah, I got that. I was just wondering what you _wanted_ me to know. I'm not exactly familiar with the whole regeneration thing. Except the basics."

Raine seemed to understand what I was saying. That I didn't know if she expected me to keep hush hush about Colette being the chosen or not. So instead of sighing or getting mad, she said, "So do you know anything?"

Trying not to seem too suspicious, I said, "Well… It should be in a watery place right? I didn't see anything suspicious at Lake Umacy, but thats a possibility. Although..." I trailed off, wondering if I should tell them the real answer. I remembered the stuff between Izoold and when Sheena joins is the most annoying parts of the game for me personally. Besides the character build up stuff in Tethe'alla, like Regals story and the temples.

"Although what?" Raine asked, looking to me patiently.

"I've never been there before, but the Thoda geyser is a likely place for something like that… Its the most unique water feature in Sylvarant." I told her, tilting my head a bit. "I'd _like_ to go, but I've never really gone in that direction. Also, the Sylvarant Dynasty. But thats less likely, I mean why would a sacred trial be held in a cursed castle?"

Indeed, the Church of Martel said the Dynasty to be cursed. They claimed that they defied the church, and denied the existence of Martel. Although, scholars have never been able to claim any of that true or false, because the records of the argument was destroyed, as well as everything else past four thousand years ago.

Raine nodded, and Kratos walked over. "That seems like a good way to go. Its close." Kratos added, not sitting down like the rest of us. I noticed everyone was here but Lloyd and Colette, and I looked around to see them on the other side of the boat looking at the stars.

"We should rest in Palmacosta for a bit though." Raine said, more of a order than a suggestion. Kratos most likely knew how pointless it was to argue at this point with a woman, so he simply nodded.

I didn't deem it necessary to say anything else, and it seemed like Genis didn't know what to say. Everyone simply sat there, and eventually Lloyd and Colette got their little 'moment'(Wink wink, nudge nudge) over with, and walked over.

"Hey, whats everyone doing?" Lloyd asked, sitting down next to Genis. Colette came to sit next to me, rather close, and I resisted the urge to scoot away.

"We were just discussing a course of action." Raine answered, watching me carefully. I was sitting next to the chosen, so naturally they were wary of any attack from me. Especially after Sheena I was sure anything would have looked worse- now they knew _some_ people didn't like the chosen enough to kill her.

"We're going to be staying in Palmacosta for a while!" Genis exclaimed excitedly. "We can play with Eris longer!" I jerked in surprise. _Play with_? I thought, half amused and half terrified.

"Wh-what?" I stuttered, "Oh… Uh… You don't need to do that…" I was boring, all I was planning to do when I got back was read and sit on my 'hidden' roof.

"You don't need to be shy!" Lloyd grinned. "We like being around you!"

_Perfect._ I thought. _Only me… Only the chosens group!_

"I'm not being shy!" I blushed, and looked away. "I just wasn't planning on doing anything. Thats all."

"How is that a bad thing?" Genis asked. "Thats means you have free time to do stuff with us!"

_Seriously? Are these people teenagers? Shouldnt they be partying and doing drugs and stuff? _I sighed. No different than I ever was in the past then. I didn't know _how _to do any of the typical danger stuff. I stayed home, literally did nothing. My best friends were my little cousins, and boys just didn't go with my 'bro' like nature… I was a best friend, not someone other teenage boys wanted to mess around with.

"O-okay, fine." I said, relenting. "Just don't expect anything fancy."

The three teenagers began talking excitedly, and the adults remained the same. When it seemed I was officially excluded, Raine and I started talking a bit.

"Can you read angelic?" Raine asked randomly, and I tilted my head.

"A… A little bit… But I'm not very good, since I'm more able to understand it than speak it." If someone was else was saying it, or I was reading it, I could understand it fairly well. But _talking_ in the language was a different. Chiron didn't drill me on it, it was more of a week long lesson that was brought up only a few times afterwards.

"I see." She said, watching me carefully. I tilted my head, wondering why she even asked, but she never responded. Instead, we began talking about different things like books, and things in Palmacosta.

Morning came very soon, and I couldn't sleep well in different places, so I simply sat on the edge of the boat, waiting for morning to pass as I shined my dagger and looked at the stars.

I never slept well, it seemed to be an ongoing thing from my last life. It wasn't even in the 'but I want to do stuff' or 'I have work' kind of way. But here in particular, for some reason... The constant buzz of mana always kept me up. Along with discomfort, the electricity like energy kept me awake _enough _to survive. This body was used to lack of sleep at that point, so I could survive a couple of days with little to no sleep. But I was still human, so it was necessary I got at least ten hours of sleep a week to remain alert.

The sun rose, and I watched it. I had seen plenty of sunrises, but somehow a sunrise at sea was different. It was only a couple hours after that Kratos got up, although I knew he most likely never slept, and I slightly turned to look at him as he didn't even try and gently wake his son up, instead immediately resorting to throwing a bucket of water in his face he obtained from the bags in the back.

Lloyd shot up, sputtering, and Genis rolled over and mumbled at the older to 'Be quiet', before going back to sleep.

"Time to train Lloyd." Kratos said, walking to the side of the boat where there was no one but me, who was wide awake and able to get out of the way of something happened.

"Okay… Okay…" Lloyd mumbled, alert but not wide awake. Water does that you you, Tia used to do that to me in the orphanage every morning when _we_ trained, and woke both me and Ann up indirectly.

Lloyd got ready as well, stumbling over his blades and I assumed he had just begun training a while ago, since he obviously wasn't used to waking up.

They began to spar, Kratos shouting advice every couple of minutes, and I went back to shining my own blades. It always took forever, since I had dozens of blades, small or no. I was surprised I could fit them all on my person.

People began waking up over time, Raine and Colette after the first two, and Genis soon after. The latter began making something, breakfast for their group I assumed, and Colette and Raine began talking by the bridge.

Eventually Lloyd and Kratos took a short break, and the former noticed me blinking, surprised I assumed. "How long have _you_ been awake?"

_Not very observant, is he?_

I tilted my head, looking up at him in acknowledgement. "Never _went_ to sleep."

He walked over to me, and he looked… Appalled? Worried? I may have known _about _him, but characters and people were completely different, so I couldn't quite read him. Like, if he was limping at this point in the game, it wouldn't have been portrayed in the game, because thats just too _human_. That sort of thing. "Wha? Why not?"

I shrugged, "I don't sleep well. So I didn't think it was necessary to get to sleep tonight." 

"Really?" He asked again, and sat next to me as he was slightly panting from his sparring. "You just… go to sleep, don't you?"

I laughed, it was the typical 'Why don't you just _go to sleep_' question, but at least he had the decency not to jump to conclusions. Like many other people did. I understood it was hard to understand for someone who could fall asleep the second his head hit the couch, so I simply brushed it off.

"If it was that easy, I'd be getting a _lot _more sleep." I said dryly, shining my blades.

"Oh. S-sorry…" The boy mumbled, but then straightened up as he noticed my action with interest. "You have weapons?" I looked at him dubiously, wondering just where he got his intelligence. _Not Kratos._

"Well I couldn't travel _solo_ otherwise." I said slowly.

"Hey, maybe you can spar with me and Kratos!" Lloyd suggested.

"Uh. No thanks, I think I'll pass."

Lloyd shrugged, "Well if you say so…"

"Breakfast is ready!" We heard Genis call, and Lloyd Immediately shot up, and ran over to the food.

I stayed where I was, and took out a book and began reading.

I stayed like this, until Palmacosta came into view a couple hours later. The other teens and child ran to the edge of the boat to watch Palmacosta come into sight. They were talking amongst themselves excitedly, and the adults waited on the side opposite of me on the boat. I gathered my stuff, taking off my zip up shirt so I could hook my abdominal straps on my upper body below the rim of my shirt, and hooked the pouches in their respective places soon after.

I was just pulling it back on and zipping it up when we pulled into the port, next to tons of much larger, dormant ships. I picked up my bags and stood next to the chosens group waiting to get off. I stood off awkwardly to the side, and waited until everyone was off the boat. Then I followed them off, and walked up the dock our boat got off. The chosens group was talking to Max, probably thanking him before he took off again. I walked ahead of them, and I guessed they eventually noticed me missing because just before I was about to walk up the stairs, I heard Lloyd call out to me.

"Hey, wait up!" I turned around, hand on the railing, and saw the younger ones running to catch up to me. I waited for them(Somehow I thought if I ran, it would send the wrong message), and they caught up soon enough. Its not like I walked too far ahead anyways.

"Whats up?" I asked, tilting my head. I know they wanted to hang out with me for some reason, but I wasn't very good at that kind of thing. So I just assumed we'd see each other eventually.

"I-I don't know, I just kind of thought…" Lloyd trailed off, looking somewhat confused. I felt bad, I knew I was being kind of a jerk, but it wasn't my fault I had a hard time communicating with people outside of business.

_**Its a good thing you met that Renenet lady, otherwise no one would want you.**_

"Do you want me to help you find stuff?" I asked, relenting. Palmacosta was a big city, it was hard for _me_ at first, so I couldn't imagine what it was like for Sylvarant village folk.

"That would make things a lot easier, at the very least." Raine said, her and Kratos catching up to us. I shrugged, and made my way up the stairs.

"Okay… Follow me then."

.

Ending up in the rather large shopping district, the group of Iselia bumpkins(and Kratos, I don't think he counted) stared in awe at the typical hustle and bustle nature of Palmacosta. Even if it had been washed down lately. The three minors looked around in awe, and while Raine looked just a little impressed, Kratos looked like he had seen it many times before.

_He probably has actually._

"This is the intermediate shopping district." I said, waving my hand a bit. "There's everything here… Except liqu- I... I mean potion… That's at the bars only."

We walked through the shops and I told them what each one we walked by sold, and eventually we made it around the travelers shops. We walked a bit into it, and since they would eventually need to stock up, they browsed a bit.

"Eris!" I turned around, and saw a familiar blond haired twenty year old woman speed walking towards me. Rather bull like, and above all, very terrifyingly.

"Katherine?" I murmured, as she came to a stop in front of the group. She grinned a bit, and looked at them quickly before turning her attention to me. Not that I wanted it at that particular moment at _all._

"Well? Arent you going to introduce me?" She not so subtly hinted, nudging me.

"No thanks."

She thumped me in the head, and I stepped back a bit. It didn't hurt too bad, but the point was still obvious enough that she'd do it again for ignoring her.

"Alright… This is Katherine." She waved enthusiastically at the introduction, and Colette waved just as so back, and everyone but Kratos nodded somewhat hesitantly, noting her unwarranted excitement as the mercenary simply tilted his head.

"These people are travelers, Katherine. This one is Colette, Lloyd, Genis, Raine and Kratos." I finished, trying to convey with my eyes that she _really_ didn't want to do that to me. Except she did, so she once again brushed me aside and continued.

"Travelers?" Katherine asked, her grin somehow stretching further. "I didn't know you knew how to make friends Rissy!"

I sighed, looking away from her instantly. Kratos seemed to jerk in some weird emotional reaction(Or something), but when its _him_ its impossible to tell if he actually reacted to anything, and even if you had physical and calculated evidence, and even if God said that he enjoyed pink stuffed animals, you would ignore it because its _Kratos_. And thats what I did.

"If you keep making that face, they'll mistake you for a monster." Katherine scowled at me, and I smiled innocently. "You're just as excitable as those weird pixie things." I told her, remembering the odd monsters that usually took residence near Izoold. Crazy, psychotic and weird was the only accurate way to describe them. Leafy elven creatures, but they weren't elves. Because elves were _people _and those things were monsters.

She rolled her eyes at me, she turned to the rest of the group and said, "We have room in our place, if you want a place to stay. It'll save you money at least, traveling takes a toll, _I_ know!"

My eyes widened, and I turned to the chosens party and said "L-look, you really don't need to do that, I mean, we are very inhospitable people-" The older woman smacked me on the arm, and I jumped away. "Stop hitting me!"

She rolled her eyes, "It wouldn't hurt to be nice to people for once!" She said loudly before muttering to me in a low voice,"But it will if you _wont_..." I sighed, not at all caring if she went through with the threat one bit. She turned to them again and said, "The invitations still open, we have plenty of room."

"On the floor maybe." I mumbled, knowing that the only person who could say no at this point was the victims themselves. Truth was, we had more than enough room since Katherine was studying to be a doctor(And was considered one in this world, even if she was still learning) and needed to space for her clients. Also, she had a lot of money. Tia did a little bit of everything, and doctors made a lot of money, and she did what I did to fill in time gaps.

Raine stepped forward, looking back at Kratos and said,"That might actually be a good idea."

_Wait, what?_

"Palmacosta is expensive." Kratos added, "We can afford one room, but two might take a toll."

"Theres a Inn around our house!" Katherine said, putting a hand on my head. I puffed out my cheeks, embarrassed. "Here, we'll take you there!"

She took off, taking hilarious looking strides and started talking to Colette, who seemed to particularly adore her.

"_You_ live with _her_?" Lloyd asked as he walked up to me, grinning a bit. "Is she your sister or something?"

"N-no…" I stuttered, still recovering from the excitement my roommate caused. "She's my roommate…"

"Roommate?" Raine asked, catching up to us, her brother beside her and Kratos close behind. "You don't live with your parents?"

_Nosy… _I thought, looking at her awkwardly. I looked to the ground and said "N-no, Um… they aren't really _here…_" Way to keep _that_ from them, Kratos is probably one step away from figuring it out.

_So much for staying out of their lives… My awkwardness seems to make a lasting impression… _

"Oh…" Raine seemed to deflate, looking away from me. "I'm sorry… I shouldn't have pried…"

I shrugged, "It's fine… People just end up treating me different when they know…" It was true, that was always half the reason I kept my personal life from people. I wanted people to accept me for who I _was_, and not let anything else make them think differently. But also… Explaining was too much of a hassle. I could never truly explain the truth behind why I died, not truly. Knowing the facts and knowing the truth were different, and I definitely valued one over the other.

"I lost my parents too…" Lloyd offered, and I sighed. That was the last thing I wanted to get into. I didn't want to have a sob story time, I just wanted to ignore it and move on. Just like everything else.

"Its fine, don't worry about it." I said, hoping no one would say anything else. No one did, and everyone remained silent as we walked. We passed by the library with my roof, and I eyed it, wishing I could go up there at that time to relax after the journey. I sighed, and decided leaving them alone with Katherine to be alone wouldn't hurt them _too_ bad.

"I'll catch up with you guys later." I said breaking the silence. "I have to do something really quick."

With that, I walked back towards the library not waiting for an answer. I knew Katherine would just argue with me, and I knew neither of us would relent anyways.

When I got to the roof, I saw a familiar boy sitting on the edge. I placed my bags down, and walked over to him slowly as to not startle him. The sun was up high, and although it wasn't chilly enough to see my breath, it was fairly cold anyhow.

"Apparently Izoold has green tea for super cheap." I said, standing next to him.

He yelped, and jumped about three feet in the air. He almost fell off the roof, but I ran over to where he stumbled and steadied him.

"Y-you scared me! What the hell?!" Kaiden exclaimed, putting a hand to his heart. "Goddess Martel!"

"S-sorry…" I said, sitting down beside him as I knew despite my efforts, I failed to let him know I was there. He eyed me however, a blush spreading like paint over his face. He was probably embarrassed he got scared so bad in front of me.

"Since when do _you_ apologize?" Kaiden asked jokingly, nudging my side slightly.

I smiled a bit, and chuckled. "Just been a really weird week… Thats all."

"What happened? You actually made friends?"

"You know, for some reason people just can't get over that." I rolled my eyes, and my roof companion gaped at me in surprise.

"Wha..? Seriously!?"

I nodded, but then tilted my head. "W-well I think so. I don't know yet…"

"Who are they?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you…" I mumbled.

"Who?!" He pushed, leaning closer to me in interest, at that point in his nosy mode.

"Don't tell anyone, its supposed to be a secret... but its the Chosens group." I said hesitantly, and watched as he simply blinked.

"What?" He said, surprised. "How did _you_ of all people manage to do that?"

I glared at him and he laughed, copying my common act of mock surrender. "Joking, joking!"

He then sobered up though, seeming to think of something. I peered off the edge as he was deep in thought. "... Does that mean your going with them too?"

I blinked up at him. But then I sighing, I looked to the side and I pressed my lips to my face in thought. "Heh. I don't know."

He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. "So you'd actually consider it?"

I bit my cheek. Kaiden was Kaiden- He was a orphan. He had no true external influences in his life and even though he was an idiot, he knew when something was personal and normally kept his mouth shut.

I grunted. "Can't keep a secret from _you_, can I? Well whatever. Lloyd, the boy traveling with them is my brother. So… Yeah. Whoopdedoo."

He was a bit silent. He blinked. "... And lemme guess. Your the only one who knows."

I nodded, I slight grin on my face.

"Well then go with him." Kaiden said, not really freaking out like most would. "Go with _them_. Who knows when your going to get this chance again?"

I laughed a bit. Of course he would say that, I even _called _it before.

Instead of bothering me about it, and knowing it was a confusing subject for the both of us, he changed the subject. We talked a bit longer, but it was about time for him to head back to the orphanage. We said our farewells, and I stopped at the library below me and bought a book about traveler hacks, like homemade healing remedies, and other various things that I probably would never use.

It was on sale.

I made my way back to the house, the sun setting as the cityfolk picked up their things, and got ready to go home. It was rather cool out, and the smell of the sea and the city reminded me of the times I would go to the Oregon beaches with my family.

I fumbled with the key, and opened my door. I took off my boots, and looked up to see the all of the Chosens group sitting on the couch, staring at me. This surprised me, because apparently _all _of them decided to stay at my place, instead of half at the inn.

_Katherine probably begged them._

I looked back at them cautiously, wondering what they were looking at me for. It was odd, a few seemed to be thinking of something very carefully. This worried me, because I didn't know if it was because Katherine did or said something, or another thing entirely. She didn't do anything to Colette, did she?

"Hey… Guys…" I greeted, moving over to them. "Um… so… Whats the plan…? You going to stay here?"

Raine cleared her throat, "Yes. Katherine said the girls can share a room with you, and the boys can take the extra room… Is that alright with you?"

"Yeah, I don't mind."

I sat down on the couch, unwrapping my calve bandages. Lloyd looked like he wanted to ask about them.

"Don't ask…" I sighed, finishing up and tossing them in the trash next to me.

We sat there for a bit, and for some reason there was an awkward air in the room, and I looked around curiously. It was probably my fault they felt out of place, I didn't exactly treat them the best on the ride home.

"So… Did you guys get your things set up?" I asked, eyeing them as I crossed my legs, my knees a couple inches away from Colette.

"Yes. Thank you for asking!" The angel exclaimed, smiling at me. Everyone nodded, and I watched them relax a bit.

"U-um… Thats good… Someone can take my bed, I don't need it really bad."

"Oh, no! You don't need to do that!" I looked at Colette, who was waving wildly. She seemed rather nervous, but I doubted it had anything to do with my suggestion with the way everything seemed when I walked in.

"S-so you guys wanted to do something?" I asked, looking at Lloyd and Genis who was sitting across from me.

The mood changed, and Lloyd grinned, "What do you usually do around here?"

I thought about this for a minute. Well Kaiden wanted to go swimming soon, but that wouldn't exactly work for night time. If Genis was older we could go jump off the pier, but alas, he wasn't old enough. Didn't want to get Raines little brother (Or anyone, for that matter) in trouble for breaking the law(A flimsy one at that) the second they arrived. We could do something exciting the next day, but looking at Lloyd, I decided to let him in on something.

"Theres a place I like to go… You want to see it?"

.

We were sitting on the roof of the library, and small lantern going as I drank some tea. The others were looking at the stars, and I sat on the ledge.

"So whats Iselia like?" I asked, not turning to face them.

"Its way smaller than this." Genis answered.

I turned around and smiled. "Yeah, I kind of figured."

Lloyd looked at me, and said "You know, I think thats the first time I've seen you smile so far."

I dropped my smile, and looked away. "Oh. Sorry about that."

"What? No, its fine! Its just… Why don't you smile more often?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. Why do you smile so often?"

"Smiling is good for you!" Colette said, and of course she was smiling.

"This place is amazing though! You can see all of Palmacosta!" Genis exclaimed, seemingly oblivious to our conversation. I willingly let that slide, and looked at him as he was standing beside where I was sitting. I rolled my eyes and grinned, trying to loosen up a bit.

"Not all of it… Its even better if you climb the Martel Chapel- I mean…" I cleared my throat jokingly, then deepened it to sound mockingly mature. "Thats dangerous, Don't do it."

Lloyd blinked at me, and then grinned along with the rest of his friends, now getting used to the fact I knew how to be friendly. I wasn't quite comfortable with them yet, but it definitely helped I knew exactly who they all were beforehand.

"You've climbed the Martel Chapel?" Genis laughed, now him and Colette walking over to sit on the ledge with me. "Isnt that one of the largest structures in Sylvarant besides The Tower of Salvation and The Tower of Mana?"

"To be honest, it was a dare." I admitted. "But it was still pretty cool. I got in trouble, but the only thing that bothered me was the climb itself."

We talked some more about the trouble I got into, and I even told them about Kaiden, and the fact I had only let three people up here before.

"Yeah, I'm only still friends with one though… I don't really see the other two around much." I said and frowned, "I wish I could though, but me being a human in Palmacosta doesn't make things any easier."

"What does being human have anything to do with it?" Lloyd asked, tilting his head a bit.

I frowned, thinking about the last time I saw Ann, and how scared she was of me. I would give anything to make the world easier on her, I just…

Didn't I promise that? To Kaiden. To do anything within my power to do it. I looked at Colette, knowing that they were the ones who were going to take the first steps in that. It was within my power, but who could fault me for not going with them?

_Me._

"Because this world isn't kind to people who are stuck in the middle…" I said, looking up at the stars. "After I started traveling, I… Got distant from a lot of people, including the people who were with me from the beginning." I shrugged, and turned to the teens. Too soon in the game for that sort of thinking. "But, I guess I can figure it out later."

"People stuck in the middle?" Genis asked, looking at me with wide eyes. "Do you mean… Half elves?"

Lloyd looked at me surprised, and said "You're friends with a half elf?"

"Two." I corrected, and looked at him straight in the eye. "Everyone is mistaking the problem. Its not the half elves. Its the Desians."

"So basicly what you're saying… is you think half elves aren't the problem, its the Desians?" Genis asked incredulously. I felt like I was being tested, so I looked at him without doubt and he looked down at his lap. "What makes you think half elves and Desians are any different?"

"Desians are a group of people who made a choice." I said, crossing my legs. "Half elves are a race. Choices hurt people, not race."

"How can you think that?" Lloyd asked, looking at me. I was shocked at first at his reaction, but then I remembered at that point he didn't understand the difference between half elves and Desians. "We heard about your teacher… She was taken by the Desians."

I blinked. So _thats_ what the whole awkward thing was about earlier. I shook my head. Sure, if it wasn't for my past knowledge, my biased feelings from past _opinions_, I would probably agree. However...

"That has nothing to do with Ann though." I said, now facing Lloyd. "Colette is part of the Church of Martel, does that mean I am as well, because we're both human?"

Everyone was silent, and I looked down. "Sorry… You don't have to listen to me, or conform to what I'm saying. Its just what I believe. I just get defensive because I'm friends with a half elf."

"I-its fine." Lloyd stuttered. "I believe what your saying, its just… hard to get used to… I've never met any half elf other than Desians."

I nodded, and smiled. He was right, it was one thing to be a spectator, but another to be right in the middle of the problem. Then I remembered that he would be, he would be right in the middle of _that_ storm, and frowned. "Don't worry, I get it."

We talked and joked about other things. We stayed up until it got around ten pm, and we walked back to the house. When we got in, the adults were still awake and talking.

"Your back late." Raine said, eyeing the three next to me. I didn't want to get in trouble, I was still somewhat of a pansy in that aspect. Not surprisingly, the older half elf had a very teacherish air to her, and for some reason I always was very cautious and not trusting of teachers. I had some bad experiences in my past life, although I knew teachers as a whole were not bad, I had gone to a school where we did not have very… _understanding_ teachers. They had more to worry about besides some student who didn't care enough to try.

School was not the highlight of my life.

I sat next to Katherine, who was across from Kratos. Raine got up, and told the others to get to bed. She went to go talk to Genis about something in the kitchen where no one could hear them. They grumbled a bit, but thirty minutes later they were in their designated places and mostly asleep.

Me and the adults were the only ones awake, and discussing various things like the travels ahead of them.

"So the Desians have been causing trouble a lot lately?" Raine asked, sounding a bit concerned.

"Ever since the Oracle, the Desians have been showing up a lot more." Katherine said, her voice sounding grave. "Yesterday would be the third time they've come this week! And it's only Thursday!"

I turned to her wide eyed, "You're kidding right? Why were you in town by yourself then?!"

"I can fight you know!" The older woman huffed, and turned away from me. "I'm not useless!"

"But neither are they!" I scolded, glaring at her. "Tia was stronger than the both of us, and she still got captured! If the Desians werent dangerous, I could have gotten her out of the ranch by now!"

"I know their dangerous," She told me, crossing her arms. I could tell she wasn't relenting, so I just sighed as she continued. "But cowering will just make it worse."

Everyone was silent for a few minutes afterwards, until Raine coughed. "Have either of you heard of Marbles shop?"

I tilted my head, and told them no, but Katherine nodded enthusiastically.

"I helped out when their little girl broke her arm a few years ago… Very sweet family."

Raine nodded, and said 'I see,' before changing the subject.

The whole thing sounded eerily familiar, like many things of this world, but I brushed it off, knowing it wasn't my problem.

"We ran into Dorr today.-" I scowled harshly and looked away, and Raine eyed me curiously and continued. "-I heard he started a resistance…"

Katherine glared at me warningly, and I rolled my eyes in silent agreement. I wasn't going to say anything, everyone was going to figure it out eventually. There was nothing I could say to make it better.

"Yes…" Katherine said. "Many of the residence here are very enamored with him."

"We have a meeting with him tomorrow." Raine said, frowning a bit. "He might have some information on the seals. It seems like he would be willing to help."

I sighed, and stood up, mumbling "I'm going to bed…"

"Oh. Well, night Riss!"

I waved my hand, walking past the guest room and into my room, where Colette was laying on the floor with only a blanket. I sighed in exasperation. I knew she wouldn't be able to sleep anymore at one point, so I at least wanted to make her comfortable before then. I knew what it was like to be alone while everyone was asleep, like being in the twilight zone, like you didn't even exist anymore.

Like no one cared if you were dead.

"Look, I know you're awake, now get off the floor, and into the bed."

She turned to me, her eyes sparkling in the dark, reflecting the lights outside. "No, I'm fine…" She chirped in a whisper.

I walked up to where she was laying. I honestly just wanted to lay down and think for a bit, and there was no way I was letting her sleep on the floor. So I grabbed her blankets, and rolled her off. She squeaked, and made a loud thud. I felt bad, but this was going to happen either way, so I decided to get it over with as soon as possible _then_ be polite about it.

I sat her up, and grabbed her hand, and she bounced as she landed on my bed. I flopped on the floor as she stared at me in surprise, and I simply rolled over, pulling the blankets over me and coming to a standstill.

When I didn't hear her move, I rolled my eyes and commandingly said, "_Good night_."

I finally heard her moving, slowly, and heard the final thud of her laying down and the shift of covers. "G-good night…"

I was still awake when Raine walked in, and I realized there was no blankets set up fir her. I groaned, and sat up.

"Eris? Why are you still awake?"

"Don't sleep well." I said dully, opening my closet, and pulling out a bunch of blankets. I remembered I had a perfectly good couch, and I shook my head wondering _why Colette decided to lay on the freaking floor_, and I just threw the blankets on the couch.

I walked past Raine, and said, "Night Raine… you can sleep on my couch…"

I flopped back on the floor outside the blankets, but I got hot _very _easy, so I wasn't even going to bother getting back in.

I heard a squeak of the mat as the older half elf flopped on the bed. It was silent for several more minutes and no sound was made.

"Eris…?" Raine called out in the dark, quiet, but loud enough for me to hear below her.

"... Yeah?"

"I… Never mind… Good night Eris."

"Night."

.

A/N

So yeah. I think the ninja thing was really dumb, but I kinda needed something to fill the space... I'll come fix it later.

.


	11. Chapter 10- Misguided Ghosts

**Chapter 10**

**Misguided Ghosts**

"You can't make decisions based on fear and the possibility of what might happen."

"Someone care to classify, A broken heart, some twisted minds... So I can find someone to rely on, and run to them... To them... Full speed ahead."

Misguided Ghosts

**A/N**

**!**

**I know there will be plenty of questions regarding this as we go on, so I'll say this now- *******_**I'm not overestimating Eris's strength.**_ **********

**My reasoning is right here for those who care enough about the subject ot read.**

**There are priests who go on the journey for the chosen, and they expect a **_**chance **_**at survival. I don't think it'll do to have the chosen killed before they finish, in Yggdrasils eyes. So for **_**now**_**? Eris will make it without an exphere. She'll start falling behind eventually,(Brutally, even) but there's also something else- Notice how **_**ridiculously **_**powerful Lloyd is at the end of the game? Like, seriously. Defeats a couple of 4,000 year old angels, Nebilim, Nifelheim, and to top it all off, the sword dancer. An inanimate being whose HP is at 90,000 by the time he's at full strength. And I know Anna's exphere was special and all(And yes, extremely so, enough to make Kvar go mad and power hungry, not to mention losing sight of what was realistically available to him in terms of status in cruxis), but it still wasn't complete. And yet, Lloyd surpassed all cruxis crystal power by a long shot. Mithos lived for fourthousand years, and although Kratos was weakened in that final battle, he was a **_**war**_ **general. That alone gives him the kind of experience that isn't available to anyone of Lloyds and Anna's time. So I have a question- Is Anna's legacy the only thing that made him strong, besides training himself? Kratos is a freaking **_**angel**_**. Obviously that would have affected Lloyd somehow. Other than the fact Lloyd was recognized as a member of cruxis when entering Mithos's castle, Layer or whatever it was, he got **_**wings**_ **at the end. Mithos knew he had the cruxis crystal, but was **_**still**_ **surprised. That means it takes more than a stone to do what he did. If that isn't prove genetics didn't have a part in Lloyds strength, I don't know what else to say. I guarantee, Eris isn't going to get wings or take Lloyds spotlight or anything(Where on earth would she get a cruxis crystal? And in her emotional state of mind, she doesn't care enough about the well being of the world. She hasn't even **_**thought**_ **about the destruction of Palmacosta, not as much as she probably should anyway) but… Yeah. I'm going to leave that to you guys to kinda chew on. **

**There's also another thing I'll be playing on, and its my reasoning for a lot of the questionable things going on. I've been asked about it, a few things regarding it, and it kills me it won't be revealed until Tethe'alla because its just so… Painfully part of the story. Part of **_**Eris**_**. Much of my bolder decisions will be based on this. **

_*******__**So to summarize**__**-The Chosens journey wasn't made to be impossible for normal mortals, I acknowledge that Eris alone can't be as strong as an exsphere, Lloyd has Angel genetics(At the very **_**least** _**in my story), *Therefore, it **_**is** _**possible for Eris to realistically survive. At first anyway. Unless she does something stupid. *Eris won't become too powerful without an exphere. *Many obvious loose ends are regarded, and have a purpose. If not, I will address it, fix it, and probably thank you.**_

**Anyways… Like I promised, Review acknowledgements!**

**MagatsuIza- **You know whats funny? I thought the same thing. XD I understand though… My life is spent on my email, watching, _waiting_ for a fanfic to update so I can read it… No matter how terrible.

**Guest #1(December 2nd)-** Actually, Lloyd did _not_ put up the posters, interestingly enough.(Spoilers if you don't know) They were put up by the renegades or desians, looking for Lloyd either because A) He has Anna's exphere, or B) Because he's Kratos's son. Buuut, I'm 90% sure it was the desians who put up those posters. :) And… The others? Define the 'others'. Sounds ominous. P

**Kah-** Anticlimactic? Definetly. XD Everyone seems to be sensing some romance, haha. And you look forward to Kaidens character? Well, you got your wish. Especially if I get to a sequel, if I do what I currently have in mind. But just as a kind of thing, I haven't planned a thing for Eris, romance wise.

**Slulldom-** Baby, I love your reviews! Haha, well, you'll get plenty of that because… Double update! :D

**Shiro-Sumi- **Love your username. And curious about the voices? Good. I threw a fairly big bone regarding _that _right here. Not big enough to give good answers though, but enough to make sense… At least, I hope so.

**Kurotiger- **Well, good news, ITS HERE! And a DOUBLE UPDATE! Huzzah!

**IHaveNoIdea8- **Aren't you just a beautiful human being? XD Yeah, She was actually making her way around the northern part, which takes _forever_. Boats aren't coming in from Izoold to Palmacosta at this point in time- Lloyd and crew just got lucky, in all honesty. And with the Desians running amuck to scare the chosen, I imagine it would get pretty slowed down. Well, I could have done it the other way, where if you play the game, and the group can go up the northern part and its WAY harder, but there's a limit to how much bad luck Eris can have! And yeah. A lot of SI don't really brush up on the sage sibling relationship. I like to kind of do that, because… Well. They're essentially all they had left for the longest time- Eachother. So yeah. Raine has met some who doesn't discriminate, but hearing Eris's story about Tia(Not realizing her non discriminating attitude is mostly because her memories include a world where racism was considered bad in her society, and with no half elves, racism against them is more obvious to her, if that makes sense? Surely, if she ever were to find out Raine was touched by it, she'd probably get guilty kinda knowing that particular fact about herself). Actually, its kinda funny how you describe her feelings towards being mistaken as a guy is spot on. Actually, its kind of a cross between my feelings. NOt about myseld, I don't look like a guy, mind you(Even though I dress like one sometimes :P), but… Heres the story- I draw all the time. Naturally, I draw Eris too. And at first, when setting up the story, I drew her _especially_. So a friend looks at the drawings(I draw multiple angles of her on one page) And she goes, "I notice that you really like drawing guys". XD So I totally understand it. Thats where the joke comes from.

Its no secret. Kratos is no fool. Haha, I might do a side thing in his point of view. But… Eris has been lying to everyone her whole life. How can she know when someone discovers her, especially being as good a liar as herself(Better, because deep down Eris is just a delusional little baby)? She gets a little too confident, underestimating the power of deduction. And as for Lloyd? Dammit. Shuddup. You're robbing me of my money. XD Nah, its not too big actually. He's still a dummy. Well, you'll see.

But yeah. As for Lloyd remembering her, Kratos hasn't changed since Lloyd was a little boy, and it hasn't struck a particularly strong chord with him. Like, there was no 'Ahah' Moment where Lloyd realized he might actually have known Kratos somehow(Though, I know for a fact deep down Lloyd knew who Kratos was), but… Out of this chapter and the next, I'm sure you'll piece together what'll happen.

Also, YES. Colette Collette. I put it on auto correct, but Google docs is slow. I'll probably go back and fix it...Definitely double checking everywhere with her, too.

Yeah, I KIND of addressed her desires about going and meeting Lloyd, but also about not wanting to, a while ago, but it was short and unnoticeable. So I was sure to elaborate in this chapter(Since it had to go there anyway), but I don't mind kind of summarizing- She doesn't know what she wants. She picks out tidbits, but there's nothing solid she knows about herself- Remember the typical 'Am I Mikayla or am I Eris' drama she keeps putting herself through? Actually its because of this nature of hers, I was thinking about naming this story 'the indecisive', but if I focused my story too much on her not being able to make decisions, it'd get WAY too confusing. This is the teen mentality kinda getting to her. Her knowledge and her heart are telling her different things, to get cheesier. 'I _want_ to meet them, it'd be cool, but its troublesome…?' Or 'I'm over it. Its done. But maybe its really my fault, so I should just mope around, maybe…?' Again. Indecisive. I'm pointing it out, because later on, it gets really important. I'm hoping people kinda see the shift when it does happen, but… Yeah. I don't think its working well, so I might switch to directly acknowledging this indecisiveness sometimes(Most of the time), as to not confuse everyone but myself. :D

And… Ah, yes. The Zelos Affect. I think I might just make that as something, because its 100% accurate. XD

**Guest #2(December 7th)-** Hmmm…. I dunno, will he? O.o Eris is kinda a butt munch, he might just say 'Nah. No way that red haired Reddish eyed punk is my kid.' XD nah, not even going to bother hiding it- Yup. He'll find out on his own. Not going to say when though. (Maybe in a side story in his POV)

Anyways, don't drink and drive, be safe, don't kill people, uphold the law and never, ever yell beaverwhore at your parents in a fight.

Enjoy!

.

It was early morning, and the group had gone to talk to Dorr. I was currently fixing the roof until noon for Katherine. She was acting extremely... off for some reason, so she sent me to fix her roof to have some alone time.

I was mildly irritated, but I guessed it didn't matter too much. It was _Colettes _fault. I know anyone would kinda pause at that information, like… _What_? Well. Let me explain.

A few kids got their ball stuck on our roof, so without telling anyone, she told them she'd get it as long as they told no one she was the Chosen. They agreed, went on the roof and the second she put her wings away…

She tripped. Of course. In a unlucky way, for a supposedly 'lucky' tripper. Because where she tripped was into the small windmill of sorts on top of our house. Breaking it.

I almost laughed when I heard, not thinking that it was worth the effort to spend fixing it. Everyone on our road had one, the architect thinking it to be cool, or necessary, or whatever to have a dumb windmill on every other roof. But Katherine thought otherwise, and also being in a bad mood, made me repair it. The worst part? The windmill didn't do a damned thing except make our house look pleasant somehow. Didn't make wheat, didn't power anything, _nothing_.

I was up there for a few hours, when I saw the chosens group walking closer to us, and I continued to hammer away.

When they got within sight, they somehow managed to spot me on the roof, and Lloyd called out to me. "Hey! What are you doing up there?"

I put my stuff down, and peered over the ledge. Some would say it was dangerous. I said it was a completely okay decision, for one without an exsphere. After all, it wasn't as dangerous as it looked. Well. For someone who fought on a daily basis anyway. When I made eye contact, I tilted my head. Colette looked about ready to apologize, so I cut her off before she could, sending her a little wink. The status of the windmill thing wouldn't be spoken of. By me at least.

"Did you get what you needed?" I asked instead of answering, hanging my feet over the edge.

Raine shook her head, not seeming _too_ bothered somehow. "No. Do you mind telling Ms. Katherine we have somewhere to be for a few days?"

"Alright." I said, and tilted my head slightly, hiding a frown. _They're leaving me? _

Well it made sense. It was going to happen eventually, I mean it wasn't like they wanted me along anyway. I completed my checklist-I saw Lloyd, I met Kratos(Despite going back and forth between decisions, it was over with. So _what_ if I met them earlier than I wanted to? It was done, couldn't I just… Move on with my life?) but for some reason… I wasn't satisfied. I thought I would be, Lloyd turned out okay. Kratos is… Semi okay. Why wasn't I content?

_**You could always make some cheesy excuse that your honorbound to go with them. Maybe then you would actually be worth something, **_

"Some jerks were impersonating Colette!" Lloyd exclaimed rather obnoxiously, as if he couldn't hold in the news(He probably couldn't, recalling how excited he got over learning how to play a dumb game like ninja) and Raine smacked him chastisingly. I looked to the chosen, and frowned.

"Let me guess. You guys were accused of being imposters?"

I knew it was the Dark wings. But-

Wait. I was sure _met_ them, somewhere before, right? The Dark wings... Wasn't that…?

"Something like that." Genis said, interrupting my thoughts and waving his hand around exasperatedly.

"Well… Good luck I guess." I rubbed my neck awkwardly, knowing that if I didn't tell them they were welcome back any time like I was expected to, Katherine would wring my neck. "And… If you guys come back… You're… um, welcome to stay with us anytime."

Although the younger teens looked happy at the invitation, the most surprising thing was that _Raine_ was the one that looked _grateful_. Like, something I said made her feel especially happy.

"That means alot, coming from you." Raine smiled, and I tilted my head. What even was up with _that_?

Oh well. Raine was confusing.

"U-uh… Its true though…"

Everyone went inside the house to gather their stuff, and I climbed back up on the roof to finish the job I was tasked with. I was hammering away for about fifteen minutes, when they stepped out the door and gave their rushed farewells and thanks, and they were on their way.

Gone.

I was stuck in my own thoughts, and x amount of time had passed, when I was once again, taken away from my job of fixing the windmill. But living in Palmacosta with Katherine as a roommate, I eventually began to expect the lively interruptions.

"So she put you to work so soon after you got back?" I looked down from my perch, where Kaiden was looking up at me, eyes squinted from the sun and a lopsided grin on his face. He had a spear on his back, and was donned in the Palmacosta Militia gear. Giles was with him, and I blinked. The boy had changed, he was actually a beautiful creature.

In a non creepy way. Like, in the majestic being sort of way.

His hair was longer, with two strands of his hair tied(I was tempted to say low pigtails, but that wasn't masculine enough). His outfit was very elven, and if I didn't know any better, I'd say he looked more like a full blooded elf than Genis or Raine did.

"Yup…" I called down to Kaiden in response. "And where are you going to all dressed up? A date?" I called back, half joking.

"Something like that." He called up, "But I'd rather go with you!"

I snorted, and laughed. "Sure, let me put that in my Worst Ways To Ask A Girl Out notebook."

When he just laughed, and I heard Giles mumble "Told you so," I rolled my eyes. But with his put out look, I seemed it necessary to smile and chuckle a bit more as well.

"So whats the mission today?" I asked, mildly curious. If something happened, I wanted to know exactly where he was so I could come and save his ass.

"Most of the Militia is out on training exercises." He answered, adjusting his armour awkwardly, obviously not used to it yet. "Since the quota has been exceeded apparently, the Desians aren't going to be around for a while. So they're putting me on guard duty at the gates!"

I stopped hammering for a second, and looked down at him incredulously. He knew what I was about to say next and snorted, and although it was a sad subject, it was also a very strange one. I voiced it anyways, regardless of whether or not he knew I was thinking it.

"The Desians have a _Death Quota?_" I asked disbelievingly, looking up at the sky. I was burning up, the roof was not a fun place to be when it was sunny. No matter how nice the wind _or_ the view was.

"Apparently." He drawled. He then tilted his head, and made puppy eyes. "What? Not even going to give me a hug good lu-" I wasn't going to listen to him finish the sentence, not wanting to be the victim of teenage flirting. I took out one of my bag of just... _stuff_, pulling out the least dangerous one and grinning to myself, knowing he couldn't see me.

He was cut off when a loosely wrapped bag of powder was dropped on him, puffing out in a comical cloud of dust. I looked over the railing as he sneezed rather harshly, and blinked in surprise, eyes distinctly popping out in contrast to the black and brown ground spices and powder. I heard Giles laugh at his misfortune, as the blond glared up at me.

"Good luck!" I called out sarcastically, resisting the urge to laugh at his put out look. He sighed dramatically, shaking his head, he offered me a grin. He seemed in an especially good mood, and with Lloyd taking off without me-

Well. Even if I expected it, I still needed _someone_ smiling a bit to help.

"Why wasn't I expecting that?"

I shrugged at him, not bothering to answer. He shifted his large sword on his back awkwardly, apparently unaccustomed to it, before waving goodbye alongside Giles.

I waved him back, as he walked off, his destination the Palmacosta gates for guard duty.

I managed to finish up by the end of the day, sooner than expected since the chosens group didn't stick around like I was half counting on. So… I just decided to do nothing, the weariness getting to me.

I stepped inside the house slowly, and was surprised to see Katherine on the couch instead of off doing something like I thought she was. I didn't even realize she came back to the house.

I took off my boots and walked over to the blonde, and sat across from her casually. I was about to say hello, but a simple white envelope on the counter held my attention. I looked back up at her, noticing it said 'Eris' on the letter. Instead of explaining, Katherine nodded to me and made a gesture to read it.

So I took it in my hands and opened it quickly, having an inkling of who it was from. I unfolded the letter carefully. I hoped it was from a certain adopted girl in Luin, but I made sure not to let my hopes go up. But I knew for certain it was, seeing the ink scrawl confirmed both my suspicion and hopes.

_Dear, Eris_

_Natalie… Well. My mom now, talked to me about it. About Tia I mean. She said she "was an inspiring person" as you said. But… I wonder if that was it? Its rude to say, I know, but that description just wasn't satisfying. I just wish I could meet her… _

I sighed. She was asking about Tia still(uneloquently, might I add, but I'd probably do the same thing), but I guessed that was the only logical reason of writing back to someone like me. Well, except a few other reasons, but none stood out much. I continued reading anyhow.

_There were some people who have been being sheltered in came here a few days ago, and we're trying our best to hide them. Apparently, Tia almost made it out too, but she was weak from being in there for so long… That place, the ranch. She was captured, and the nice lady who tried helping them to escape… Told me she died after her exphere was removed. That she turned into a monster… The lady though. I don't remember her name, it's strange, managed to get something, but Tia couldn't get out with the others. She got recaptured._

My eyes widened. Tia made it out? Where… When? What was I even _doing_ that entire time?

I just hoped… I hoped it wasn't when I was passing by. Passing by _Luin_. I knew I didn't want the answer though, so as I took a deep breath, I looked back down at the words somberly. Where was I…? Oh, right. Tia… recaptured. Lady.

_The lady has something for you. We have a notebook, but apparently there was something else too. Even in her dying moments, she loved you a lot. I don't know why, to be honest. Not to be mean, but there were so many people she loved, and she chose you to have the last pieces of her. _

_But I suppose I would have to meet you, before I can really ask that. I know it must hurt, but please, _please _come to Luin. You explained everything you could in your last letter, but there's still so much I need to know. "She was inspiring" is too little._

_Curious as always, Sarah_

My heart seemed to stop. I knew she was just curious, and young. Not thoughtful in her words. But... That didn't make it hurt any less, especially since it wasn't wrong at all.

'There were so many people she loved.'

_And she chose me_. I chanted to myself, closing my eyes. Like a curse, like…

Before I did anything dumb in front of Katherine, I threw the letter to her and stomped to my room. I made it just in time for me to hit my forehead on my door as it shut, and begin to breath heavily as a constricting feeling invaded my chest.

I supposed that no matter how many times I told myself she was dead, that there was no way for her to be alive, the uncertainty of her capture still left room for hope. I _couldn't_ believe she was dead, there was no way she was dead… But she was, wasn't she?

She was my teacher… I supposed my hope was very misguided. Was I even allowed to hope anymore? I was supposed to be _dead_.

_How can I believe she's dead? I wasn't there, and she still cares about me? I didn't see her die, how can I be one hundred percent certain she was dead?_

No. I couldn't think like that. She was dead. Just like Anna. Tia was dead, just like Anna, just like I _should_ have been. She was dead, just like my cousin, just like I should have been before being reborn. Was rebirth getting to my head? _I _made it out alive. I made it out of death alive. I was a lucky case, I was sure. At least, I hoped I was. I never got a sense of end though, was that just driving me insane? Never any closure. No goals. The only hope I seemed to have crushed when I didn't even know it was there. I felt like I was barely touching the ground. Like the world was just dragging me along. What did I do to deserve…?

I knew I was dead.

But there was a bold voice telling me I never died.

_**You carried the weariness over. You're tired from living longer than you should have. That shouldn't be possible, unless you never **_**actually** _**died, of course.**_ It said, sounding suspiciously more and more distinct from what _I_ really sounded like, and more like…

My eyes flew open.

More like Mikayla.

I shook my head, taking a deep, shuddering breath. I was breaking down. I was going _crazy_. I was classifying my memories as someone else's, sure, I did that before, but that was because the two memories were so _different_. Luckily, as time faded my memories, it became less painful.

But maybe they weren't _fading_…?

Eris never existed originally... Did she…? Or was there even an 'original' plot line to begin with? Did any of Tales of Symphonia even exist?

I slapped my cheeks. No! It exists. I saw it. I knew about Dorrs death before it was going to happen. I knew Lloyd, Colette, Kratos, Raine and Genis before I saw them, _met _them.

I was just doubting everything to fuel my panic. At that point, everything was a _mess_. I guess I didn't really accept Tia's death- Not truly. I had forgotten so much about her, trying to drown it out.

I guessed a small part of me expected to get her back.

I slumped on the floor, my forehead dragging across the wood slowly before I stopped on the ground, thumping against the soft carpet, as I hunched over. Wishing the new angle would fix my mind- Get rid of all my doubts.

Or even better, my memories.

I had slept for fifteen hours in that same spot.

It was fitful. Full of nightmares, all chanting the same thing; _Who is Eris? _

_She wasn't meant to exist._

_**What did you do wrong?**_

In other words, my foreknowledge was driving me _crazy_. The worst part was I didn't have an anchor. Something to snap me back to reality.

I was fairly certain I wasn't insane. I mean, I was as sane as all the garbage I was put through allowed me to be. I was just… Done.

_I hate myself._

So I left my room in search of that desperately needed anchor, and what I found was Katherine waiting for me. She stood up the second she saw me, and eyed me curiously.

"Riss… Were you _asleep_?"

I looked off to the side, feeling my face drop, realizing how drowsy I really was. I nodded tiredly, stepping into the kitchen and searching for the cupboards. The older woman followed me and sat at the counter, still watching me carefully as I grabbed some bread and meat, and made a sandwich.

It was afternoon, don't judge me.

"Are you alright?" Katherine asked cautiously, as I sat next to her and took a rather large bite of my lunch. I watched her as I chewed, her brows furrowed worriedly and I swallowed.

"Yeah." I said, taking one bigger mouthful, and said as decently as possible while chewing, "It just a lot to take in…" At that moment, I couldn't tell if I was talking about my memories or the letter.

"Yeah, I figured." She said, watching me. She let me eat for a few more minutes, and it didn't take me long to finish.

As I was washing my plate, she called out to me in question.

"Are you going to Luin?"

I shook my head without a second thought as I walked, and she followed me.

"'No'?" Her voice was quiet at first. But it was calm before the storm I knew, and she started up again. That time, with a harsh glare, and a convicted voice to back it up. "After that letter, Tia's sacrifice, and your not going to Luin?!" Katherine raised her voice, the sound cracking with emotion. I felt something snap within me, and with the outburst I suddenly felt like I was cornered. All the precautions I took to keep myself steady, to avoid getting hurt, none of them worked. So I was going to start pushing people away again.

"I don't know, okay?!" I shouted back, and she took a step back in surprise, but then stood up straighter and frowned. I continued anyway, irritated. "I did everything I could to prevent losing people I loved, to prevent getting hurt, I _don't know why she chose _me _of all people_!"

What was worse, I didn't know if the people in my past were actually people _I _loved. Mikayla loved them. Did I love them as well…?

Same vice versa. Did Mikayla love the people I- Eris loved now? Everything was so screwed up. So screwed up… _What is happening? I can't even tell if I'm happy or sad anymore._ I thought it was okay, meeting Lloyd. I thought I was fine, I was healthy, but I guessed wrong.

I flopped down in my chair, hands over my face, for the first time in front of people since I entered this world I showed her just how much I was _done_, and she sat down in front of me limply as I brought my knees to my chest.

"She adored you… She loved you so much. She was close to so many people, and she chose _me_." I choked, lifting my head from my eyes, and taking the gauze from the side table and wrapping it around my calves, hoping for a distraction from the pain I was creating for myself. I stared at them, the familiar act calming me just a bit. I continued on, sounding blunt, because explaining _hurt _too much. "And she's _dead…_ so I'll never figure out why she did."

_Why she chose me over you._

_Why she chose someone who wasn't even supposed to exist in this world._

None of us said anything for a while, long after I finished taping up my calves. I didn't ever look up though, I just stared at my zip up shirt on the coffee table, my exposed toes curling awkwardly. I tried thinking about how annoying the thoracic belt was with the little hitch on the strap whenever I strapped it on my person. I tried thinking about how stubborn Kaiden was. I even tried thinking about my usual struggle of what I should do about Kratos and Lloyd. But no matter how annoying it was, how sad how irritating, I could only truly think about how I wasn't worthy of Tia's affections. Of _anyone's_, not Katherine, not Kratos, and not Lloyd.

Not Anna. Not… My mom.

_Katherine should get the notebook._ I thought to myself, pressing my balled fists to my sternum harshly, as I curled in on myself. The pressure made the pain more bearable somehow. _It should go to someone who went through more than I did. _

"Eris." I waited for her to say more, without turning to her. "Eris. Look at me."

I looked up to see Katherine's eyes soft but stern. She kept eyes contact with me and scooted forward slowly in her seat.

"Eris… Tia loved you, and I don't care if you feel like you deserve it, or even if you never loved her back." Katherine said quietly, and I watched her in misery. I knew exactly where she was going, but didn't want to think about it. I winced as she continued. "This was Tia's dying wish. My last living relative's _dying wish._ And if you can't respect that… Well I really can't respect _you_ anymore."

What she was saying was that my feelings of self doubt was selfish, and refusing to go to Luin and accept her final gift was selfish as well, and I knew she was absolutely right. I was making the decision to go based off of _my _feelings and fears, and ignoring the fact that this was _Tia's_ wish, regardless of anything to do with _me_. I knew I had held off long enough, but the fear of walking through Luins gates terrified me.

I imagined myself in Tia's place. If it was me, I would want my student to have it. I knew what it was like to love someone unconditionally. Even when it didn't make sense, or worse, they never even loved you back. It wasn't about being in love, or anything of the sort.

I had someone in my past life that I loved unconditionally. She didn't understand it, and She did everything they could to tear me apart because of it. It didn't make sense, she did _nothing _for me. But to this day, it didn't matter. If she was here, right now, I would do _anything _to help her. And I did the hardest thing possible for her; I did nothing. Because I knew doing _something_ would just make it worse, and all I could do was pray she would get better, find the strength to be good on her own. Of course I made mistakes as well, I did get angry every time she would try and bully me after things started going downhill. But I was more sad for her than angry at her.

Because love was the absence of judgment.

But was I even worthy of that myself?

I was Tia's student. And there was something about us as teacher and pupil that made her feel like I was important to her. It didn't matter whether I had a place, or if I made her suffer, or happy, or sad, but because she _loved _me. I didn't know why I was incapable of understanding this when I was the exact same way. There wasn't really a _reason_, and it wasn't romantic at all. You just _knew_ them.

Now knowing how she felt, not understanding it, I _wanted _to go for her. Because I knew she would do the same for me.

I would push aside my self doubts. I took a deep breath. Yes, going bat shit insane was not an option. It was a panic attack, not insanity. I felt cornered. I was going to be _fine_.

I would ignore my thoughts. Or more specifically, the ones that sounded suspiciously like my old self.

Katherine was watching me silently, waiting for an answer. We had conversations along these lines many times before, but none quite like the one we were having. I took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly.

I was calm.

Before I could say anything though, Some one burst through the door, and I recognized it as Giles, someone it seemed I hadn't seen in forever. He was panting, sweat lining his forehead.

Me and Katherine both stood up. "Giles?" My voice hitching in question.

He took one more gasp of breath. "The Desians… are in the plaza!"

Katherine gasped, but not in _shock _or anything, and I tilted my head. This had happened dozens of times in our lifetime, and not once did the calm, level headed half elf boy run through my door like his house was on fire.

"That's not it, is it?" I asked freshly. Yeah, I was still recovering from the emotional shock from earlier, but… But I was alive. _Calm_. Well. Sorta. While the Desians invading was scary every time it happened, it took a lot to actually shake me up when it came to physical well being.

But the news was just enough to throw me overboard. Luckily, I had found an anchor, a goal- make it to Luin, and do things right.

"Magnius is with them… and…. They took Kaiden!"

.

A/N…. Honestly, if you didn't call _that _one, I'd be shocked. But honestly, Eris would forever avoid desians if she didn't have a reason to fight them. With her 'I feel how I feel, I don't really care to justify it no matter how immature' attitude. XD

Right now, I'm just trying to go through all my chapters, and make them good so for my plot, I'm shooting in a clear direction. This story has been stored with twenty chapters waiting to be posted, so if something seems contradicting I'm really sorry. I feel like I cleared the biggest roadblocks in things that don't make sense in this chapter.

To be one hundred percent honest? I was really nervous about posting this chapter. I read over it about ten times, changing a bunch of stuff because... Well. Its important.

But, I guess if it sucks, I have a double update to make up for it.

See you next chapter!

.


	12. Chapter 11- Eris Sire

**Chapter 12**

**Eris Sire**

"With great power there must also come great responsibility!"

…

Spiderman is my favorite.

**A/N**

**Double update! Because I literally have no life since Drama got over with, and I'm a loser who strives only for minimal achievements(If you couldn't tell already) Happy early Christmas! (Just in case I don't update again beforehand)**

**Also, just to get a sense of perspective… This is a little over a day and a half after the group left. And who knows what they are doing?**

As soon as the words came out of his mouth, I was getting my gear together and leaving out the door before anyone could say anything to stop me.

I remembered, both from experience and in the game, that the captives at the entrance were taken separately. If I went after Kaiden alone, he would wind up just like Tia, a memory. Magnius was with them this time, from what Giles said, it would be the first time in a long while. It would be the second time seeing him in person, for most of the people of the city. So this was definitely(Hopefully, if I didn't screw up) the time the chosens group rushed back to make sure Palmacosta didn't wind up like Iselia, not that it ever could.

I wasn't going to just watch everything unfold anymore. I gathered my bearings, after getting all the crazy insanity of my life off my chest, I was ready. I would do what others couldn't. I would act on my knowledge of the future. I would stumble, I would forget my resolve(As per usual), but I would never let go of it. I would find a way to stick with Lloyd and Kratos. I wouldn't think of a way to _lessen_ the burden. Instead, I would stop anything unnecessary.

What was unnecessary though?

I don't know. I hadn't stopped to think about it yet.

But for _that moment-_ Kaiden. I'd get him. Alive, preferably. Even if the Chosens group had it taken care of the ranch just fine on their lonesome, I had to go. Kaiden was there.

Lucky for me, I was familiar with a certain group of people who were most definitely heading to the Desian nest. It may have been a trap if I remembered right, but the fact was they succeeded either way. Even with multiple options, all of them available in the game were success.

Thats what I kept trying to tell myself, anyways.

Kratos was with them, and they _would_ end up freeing the captives without a doubt… Well, sort of. But nothing really changed, I avoided contact with them so far, the plot _should _go according to plan. They _could_ do this with only them, but I wasn't about to sit back and let them do the work without me. I was conquering my fear, I was going to succeed where I failed with Tia, I was going to Luin right afterwards and I was at least scratching the surface of what it took to make up for my mistakes.

Of course, the cold hard truth was that I was scared, of course. But who wouldn't be? Losing their loved one to the ranch, it was… Hard. The same could happen to me, and I was going straight into the enemies base. But losing one more person seemed just a bit scarier, and although I felt just a bit cornered and extremely irritated with the situation, I simply tried to think of it as a adventure to block out the realistic fear- It was easy, when at first invading the ranch was just that, before hand- Another adventure, one more boss, one more step to beating the game. So for that moment, I would pretend that's all it was. I knew it wasn't, but treating it as if the outcome was absolute, like no fatalities would come out of it because the _game said so,_ it was easy enough.

I ran across the bridge and into the town square, the rushing flowing water seeming overly tranquil for the situation at hand. I tried to be taller, to see where I knew they would be. I saw a old woman standing on a large wooden platform, neck tied in rope. Not pixelized. Completely _real_. I ran into the center, as the Desian on top of the executioners table next to Magnius announced the women's execution charges; For defying them.

I was close enough to watch a brunette girl run to the center and protest rather loudly, but the tangible panic made it hard to focus on the voices. I saw Magnius close in on a small boy I was familiar with him, he was one of the poor boys in the orphanage. He came in just as I left, his name was Henry.), and I knew that although it would expose me too much for my liking, I didn't want to wait for the group to save him and hope for the best.

Adrenaline. That would be my excuse for doing something remotely useful with my pathetic life.

I didn't remember exactly what happened here from my memories of the game itself, and I knew just how much the pixilized story washed down the pure chaos of literally everything in this world.

I took out three of my cheapest throwing knives laced with mana(Of the same nature I was training with when Ann came- It was sparky), knowing that even my best dosage try wouldn't hurt him too bad, and threw it.

It whizzed through the air, and hit him in the arm, the electric current letting out a high pitched scream, much like a fly would around trash. Magnius was momentarily distracted, searching for the person responsible(Me. Yikes). I used that opening to shove the kid back into the crowed and stand in front of him defensively, my eyes turning to a powerful stare.

It might have even looked cool, if I didn't have to blow a strand of wild red hair out of my face(Cross eyed, of course).

Magnius took notice of me, and was about to shout something, when a foreign, yet familiar, voice screamed "Stop right there!"

I watched by the corner of my eye as a sharp looking… air thing… Chakram! That was the name, Chakram moved across the sky, almost scratching the ground for a second, and hit Magnius. A strange wall of manna came up as I heard a distinct cry of 'Demon Fang!', as it cut harshly into the ground torward its victim. It left a shallow wound, and at that point the half elf was once again, looking for the assailant, and I was immensely grateful because I was trained to _fight._ Not defend powerless orphans.

I scooted back a bit more, further away from Magnius and making sure Henry joined me. We both spotted Lloyd and Colette, who was standing defensively as Raine was speaking to them.

"...You! You're wanted criminal #0074… Lloyd Irving!"

For the record, the worlds definition of 'criminal' was completely backwards, to _everyone_. Even some of the people of Palmacosta gave Lloyd some wary looks, despite him doing a good deed, and regarding him as if he was a true criminal. No wonder Tethe'alla was so dominant, Sylvarants rules was defined by the laws of the Desians rather than a political stance of the people. And Dorr of course.

Magnius, now standing up straighter as he seemed to brush off the fact he had been impaled in four different places(I was too busy running to Lloyd to see how he got them, but from Lloyds stance I assumed his Demon Fang again?), turned to the wanted 'criminal' fully. "Well, now! So you're the boy with the exphere!"

Magnius cackled as Raine moved closer to Lloyd in a subconscious gesture of protection. "Hahahahaha! This is perfect! After I take that exphere from you, they'll make me leader of the Five Grand Cardinals!"

He sobered up a bit, settling for a lopsided, demonic grin. He pointed lazily at the group I stopped several feet away from. "Get them!" He ordered loudly, not moving at all from his cocky posture or looking at any of his goons.

The Desians went into formation, and one quickly cast a fire spell. I watched as Genis ran in front of the group and cast his own defensive spell, and when it went out upon contact with the barrier, Genis smirked and swaggered away, proudly said "Amateurs…" And disappeared from my sight. I almost laughed. That was... Very Genis.

_Very Genius._

When the Desians kind of stood there dumbly for a few moments, as if they expected it to be over so easily, Magnius rolled his eyes and screamed, "Dammit, you worthless idiots! Enough of this!"

He smirked deviously and turned to the elder lady on the wooden platform. "I'll take care of this woman _first_!"

The sadistic half elf signaled for the execution, and one of the lower rank desians walked over to pull the lever.

I heard Colette cry out, and just before the woman could be hanged, a chakram flew out and cut the rope in a flash, allowing the elder woman to fall to the ground with no harm done. The angel had acted just in time to save her.

"What the?" Magnius growled, stomping his foot like a stubborn child.

_He's not very bright is he?_ I thought, as I watched Kratos jump into action swiftly and slice at the Grand Cardinal through without effort, and naturally Magnius cried out in pain being slashed.

"Let us respect the wishes of the chosen." The auburn haired mercenary said, sounding as if he was ordering the man to stand down. Which he most definitely was.

Upon hearing the chosen was present, the citizens of Palmacosta began to gasp and murmur among themselves excitedly, but none dared to move in the presence of one of the Five Desian Grand Cardinals.

_So of course, no one moved or does anything to help._ I thought, scowling. _They know Colettes going to die, too._

The angel herself walked out into the middle of the chaos, and everyone went silent as she said, "Yup! I'm going to fight for everyone's sake!"

_**But none for hers. **_ Came the low, almost sleepy voice in the back of my mind, and I tried to ignore it. It wasn't like a audible voice, more like impressions of thoughts made from another mentality.I ignored it, on the account I. _was. Not. Insane._

Deep down, I knew exactly what it was though.

Everyone seemed to go crazy at the declaration, everyone commenting on her perfection, how kind hearted she was, etc, etc… But I knew they didn't love the chosen, but instead they loved the fact that they would receive a flourishing world at the cost of her life.

At her suicide.

I chose that point to run over to the group, Taking only one dagger out quickly. Magnius was down, so I managed without any real trouble to make it.

"I want to help." I said simply, and Lloyd and Genis looked to me in surprise.

"You can fight with a weapon?" Genis asked.

"Yeah, people can't really seem to get over that." I said, unzipping my jacket slightly so I could get easier access to all of my gear and weaponry.

Zippers actually existed in Sylvarant(Probably Tethe'alla too), they were just really hard to find in the more rundown places in Sylvarant, and they weren't as 'fashionable' as buttons. Lloyd eyed my weaponry questioningly, but decided not to comment as we all felt a upcoming fight.

"Damned little… Enough of this crap!" Magnius called out, and I lowered in a battle stance- Ready to dodge and strike. I knew I wasn't as fast as Lloyd, but I was definitely more flexible, and could maneuver more. "I'm leaving them to you! Get rid of them!" The large half elf slowly began to disappear, and I resisted the urge to freak out. _They can do that?! I want to do that!_

But alas, we had to fight people. Approximately nine of them. "How dare you lay a hand on lord Magnius! You're all dead!" One of them called out, and they rushed toward us as we ran toward them.

I reached the loud one, and cut him down fairly fast, not really eager for a all out brawl with more enemies than necessary, as I mumbled, "Trust me, if we had any other option we would take it..." Easy banter was a way for me to focus, and to not hesitate in killing. Because if you _treat_ them like unfeeling monsters, you won't treat them like _people_. Sacred people who deserved to live. I, at least, knew I didn't have trouble killing _monsters_. So if I applied that thinking to the Desians, I could fight them and regret _later_ rather than freeze in the middle of a fight.

I was whipped from behind, the sudden and sharp sting making me cringe just a bit before I jumped as far away from its reach as possible, and slid to a stop as I noticed Lloyd take the opportunity to bring the assailant down.

I ran over to the Desian the twin swordsman was going after next, allowing him to be the bait that time and me being the one who finished them off. It was a odd thing to get used to, working in a team made things a lot more… Easy. Although we weren't perfect, because I was new to the group, I still remembered what it was like to fight along somebody. More specifically, Tia.

_Focus._

There was a smack as I was whipped one more time, and I jumped back out of reach again, but shot forward right before slitting his throat just a moment later. Thay was the last one, and he fell to the ground. I stepped over his mess, trying not to look. I didn't _enjoy_ carnage, after all. But... I could deal with it. As long as I didn't step in it.

"You guys are whipping people." I said seconds before he died, impaling him once more when I thought I saw him breathing, to keep him from getting back up somehow, if not to put him out of his misery. "Doesn't that embarrass you at all? I know it makes me kind of bothered."

I had to say, fighting in town with a bunch of people watching felt odd. Instead of the lonely silence that followed after a victory, there was chatter. And in the childrens cases, some horror. But... Only some. Because it was Sylvarant. So of course, the slaying of the big bad Desians was no different from slaying an evil dragon. So for the most part, the Desians weren't human to the people of Palmacosta- They were monsters that were destined to disappear anyways. With the Chosens 'help' of course.

I felt the urge to walk away and go back to being unnoticed, but Lloyd came over to me before I could and said, "Wow, you're as good with a blade as you are in ninja!"

The rest of the group followed him, and I began to get nervous at the attention. I sighed at him bringing up the dumb game from the boat. "T-thanks."

"Thank you for your help." Raine said as she walked over. "You didn't have to."

I shook my head. "No, I did. It was _you_ guys who didn't have to. So thanks. I couldn't have made that as... Smooth as it was without you."

_I actually wouldn't have made it at all without you._

The brunette girl from earlier walked over to us, supporting the woman on the execution platter. She thanked Lloyd, very _specifically_, and invited all of us to her house. I didn't get the option to say no, so I ended up at her house along with the rest of their group.

.

I found out her name was Chocolat, and the older woman, Cacao was her mother… and I joked to myself that their father was named Hershey and their last name was Kisses.

Bad joke, but least I figured out what all the rumours about some 'kind hearted chocolate' was coming from.

"Thank you so much for saving my mom!" She exclaimed, sitting on a bed with her older relative. "I don't know what I would have done if they murdered her as well."

"'As well'?" Genis repeated in a questioning tone. Lloyd tilted his head.

"My husband volunteered in Governor General Dorr's army…"There was a moments pause. Chocolat looked off to the side,frowning sadly. "...And was killed in a battle against the Desians." Cacao said gravely, and I jerked remembering Kaiden.

"K-killed? He wasn't taken to the ranch?" I stuttered. Was there a chance I misheard Giles? Did my blond friend suffer the same fate? He probably fought his hardest, he wasn't dead was he?

_No. I heard right. _

_**Calm down.**_

"No, he wasn't." She smiled sadly. "… But my mother was." She continued her story, shaking her head.

"It was grandma that originally founded our shop." Chocolat added, her annoying voice added. "We have to protect it. Not just for ourselves, but also for grandma's sake. For when she returns."

There was a moment of silence. I understood _that_, after Tia was taken, the majority of the reason I kept up training and not killing myself again was for Tia's sake, in honoring her memory.

"I'm sorry, but I need to get going soon." Chocolat murmured, crossing the room to pick something off a shelf. "It's almost time for the next asgard pilgrimage."

I tilted my head, as she walked past me. "I don't remember there being a martel church in Asgard… I thought they worshiped ancient deities?"

"Thats why they pilgrim there." Raine answered. "To teach and help the people who do worship Martel, rather than the deities that are believed to reside there. One of the teachings of the church is salvation comes from pilgrimage, a journey."

I let out a wordless 'oh', and Chocolat continued. "I work at the Church of Martel travel agency. But it's not like I believe in Martel or anything."

I resisted the urge to high five the annoying girl, and Chocolat's mother gasped and admonished her for her insensitivity.

"I know, I know!" Chocolat said haughtily. "I'm grateful for the _chosen_. But Martel didn't protect Dad or Grandma. Even this time it wasn't Martel, but the Chosen that saved mom. How can anyone believe in a Goddess that sleeps while we suffer?"

For me, it was less of the Goddess sleeping problem, and more of the whole 'Lets be nice to the chosen for now, but throw stones at her when she puts her life on the line and fails' deal. Marta was human, but gosh was she annoying. I remembered her from the second game, and she got on my nerves for the first half of the game.

Almost as much as Chocolat.

_Chocolat the Kiss up. Haha…_

"I understand…" Colette said sadly. "But I still think Martel exists."

"You think?" Chocolat repeated, almost daring the Chosen to rephrase it.

"I'm sure of it!" Colette said, sounding sure of herself. "She exists inside you and me!"

Talk about foreshadowing…

I mean at the end Martel literally lives inside Colette.

"Well if the Chosen says so…" Chocolat started, and I flinched at how stupid and fake she sounded. "Then I'll at least try to believe."

Way to stick to your guns, I thought sarcastically. _Kiss_ up.

I knew I was being unfair. And usually I was a very understanding person. But people who simply compromised their beliefs for anyone else for whatever reason really pissed me off, even if it was to switch to what I believed. 'Change your mind for yourself, not for others' was how I thought. You're only _fake_ if you aren't true to yourself.

Not to sound like a typical teenage female, but Chocolat was fake to me. But... Then again... Did I even care?

No. Not really.

"Are there people who really want to go on this trip after everything that happened here?" Lloyd asked, sounding incredulous. I knew he was pretty neutral in his beliefs in that he accepted Martel, but it didn't seem to dictate his life in any way. But that was a _game_, so who knew? Maybe he was just too young to care.

"Its after events like these," Kratos pitched in, "That people both with or without faith feel the need to go on a journey in search of salvation." It sounded like he was saying that from experience. Either that, or it was rehearsed. From _what_ in his three thousand years of life, I had no way of knowing unless he told me himself.

Seize an opening when you have it, I guess. Or something like that, I was never truly an opportunist.

"That pretty much sums it up." Chocolat supplied, smiling. "Thank you all very much!"

With that we were gone. I decided to follow the group casually, knowing that I did not want to miss the boat to the ranch. If I missed that, there was no way I could find anyone else to go with me, since it would be exploded. I needed to make sure that Kaiden was alive and safe personally.

"Those fakes are totally copying us." Lloyd suddenly brought up, and I eyed the group curiously. Fakes? I would laugh if he was talking about Chocolat.

"I suppose that would make their ignoble leader Lloyd…" Raine supplied, and I suddenly remembered what they were talking about. The people who stole the thing from Dorr… Er, well. Not stole. I wasn't sure _what_ they stole exactly… I didn't remember every single detail of the game, okay?

Genis laughed mockingly, "Yeah, and he was just like him!"

The victim of the conversation glared at the younger half elf, embarrassed at his own expense.

"And the girl must have been Colette." Raine said thoughtfully, fueling the conversation. "And the magic-user would be me."

"Oh then… the one that looks like a big ape then is…" Genis started, in a deadpan tone as he trailed off, but Colette finished for him.

"Genis?"

"No! Its gotta be Kratos!" The boy protested, and angry blush on his face.

Kratos simply tilted his head, and didn't say a word. But his expression said it all.

"They must have got it all wrong. Kratos is obviously _not_ an ape." I added quietly with conviction, and everyone turned to me, Lloyd grinning at my input and most of the others giving differentiating looks of mild bewilderment at me defending the man.

What? I talked. Sometimes. Well, I played _ninja_ with them, wasn't that 'social' enough?

"He's obviously a _lion_." I managed to say silently, but conveying my enthusiasm over deciding what Kratos was through my tone of voice, as I took to looking to the man in question. "I mean, look at his hair! And color too! I bet he roars in battle!"

Genis and Lloyd laughed, and the two adults simply sighed.

"You're right! But…" Colette tilted her head. "Come to think of it, he always yells… Umm…" She paused, thinking hard to remember. "Oh yeah! He yells 'Give them no quarter!' , and then starts fighting. Its very fun!"

I stared at Colette. _Fun_? Its very _fun_ when Kratos fights? Oh boy. Bet she can't wait until the Tower of-

I almost cringed, and didn't think about it anymore. Too soon. _Not _funny, not in the least.

"Is it a red head thing?" Lloyd asked curiously, before grinning at the thought. "Eris, you have messy- er... red hair too. Couldn't you be a lion too?"

"I've never seen one in real life... " Raine murmured, looking at Kratos thoughtfully. As if him looking like a lion would give her answers. I sighed, beginning to answer. I was cut off, lucky for me.

"Also... How is that 'fun' Colette?" Genis asked, ignoring Raine and Lloyd, regarding Colette statement instead. crossing his eyes exasperatedly, voicing my thought exactly.

"Yeah! Its not fun! I almost died!" That was Lloyd, and he came to stand next to me coming to the topic Colette and Genis were on. "You saw him fight, right? Thats how he _trains _me! Every morning too...!" I looked downward, getting nervous at the excitement my words seemed to cause.

"I wonder what it'd be like, to have a lion as a pet?" Colette asked, the subject derailing again.

"You'd probably get eaten." I answered, sighing. "... I wouldn't know. Ask Kratos." I figured I'd go with it, it was kinda in Colettes nature to make every conversation... Different, if I could judge. What was even happening?

Everyone paused.

Lloyd tilted his head, trying to discretely look at Kratos, much like he did in Izoold. He didn't say anything for a minute, but then whispered to me with a goofy look on his face. "... Sounds about right."

"Wait, Kratos is a pet?" That of course, was Colette.

I sighed, finding the conversation hard to even follow. Looked like that was... going to be an ongoing thing.

"Why would you get eaten?" Raine asked truning to me as we walked, and I noticed Genis was laughing. I shrugged.

"I-I dunno." I stuttered. I didn't want them to think anything strange. Cultures are weird like that. Like, if you make fish lips at someone here, its supposed to be insulting. strange, but when I figured _that_ out I thought I remembered Genis always doing it in the game during skits."Because they're _ferocious_? And eat meat. I think."

The three teens laughed for some reason(What? That wasnt even funny...), and I looked away. "Fine, I'm not talking anymore!"

At that point, I was blushing furiously. I used to have no problem being laughed at, but now that I was supposed to be tough and strong, having something made fun of was embarrassing. It wasn't like I felt as if I had anything to prove, but being a traveling arm for hire, you couldn't be viewed as a _child_. So reacting to teasing couldn't work.

Not that I was good at resisting it.

After that, they started talking about the animals they _did _have, and Lloyd told me about his dog Noishe... Again, I think. I couldn't remember if I was supposed to know about it yet, so I simply nodded and listened.

We stopped at my house, and they began to discuss a course of action. They were invited to stay at my place of course. And for once, I was glad.

I panicked. I needed to be able to go with them, I didn't know if I was going to get another chance.

_Just ask. _I told myself, taking a deep breath as I stood in the kitchen. _Say at least until they stop at Luin. That happens _after _the ranch, right?_

I walked into the other room where they were, as they were discussing who was going to go with who to gather what in the morning, and I cleared my throat.

"What is it?" Lloyd asked, tilting his head.

"I-I wanted to ask you guys something… A favor, I guess."

Raine sighed, and crossed her arms. "I'm sorry, but… we have our hands full. But ask away, I suppose. Don't be surprised if we say no."

I sighed, and I tried to keep a poker face, knowing they were watching me. I looked at Raine, and spoke. "Please, let me accompany you guys on your journey."

Raine actually looked surprised, as she opened her mouth and I cut her off, wincing when I realized how rude it was to do so, but continuing anyway. "At least until Luin… Theres something I need to do there, and it's really important I don't wimp out."

I was being honest. It was one thing to run away from something when no one was watching, but another to know someone was watching. Then they knew you failed.

"Is it a job?" Lloyd asked and I shook my head.

"N-no…"

Raine looked around, and when everyone but Kratos nodded(He didn't agree with newcomers if I remembered right), she turned to me.

"Its fine if you tag along, but in order to trust you… I want you to tell me why you're going there."

I took a deep breath. I knew I could trust these people… So what if they thought I was soft? I would prove to them I wasn't as whiny as I looked. Not that I usually looked like that.

"I got a letter the other day…" I started, jumping down on the chair. "It said there was something… I mean… It was confirmed someone very close to me died in the ranch, and it turns out she left behind a couple of things she wanted me to have… But I've been avoiding the place for years. So it's my first time having to handle going back there since…" I shrugged. I knew the teens knew about Tia, and I assumed the adults did as well.

"Your teacher, correct?" Raine said, and I nodded.

"Well I suppose its fine if you come with us… It would actually be helpful if someone with your skillset came with us."

I tilted my head in question, and she elaborated. "Infiltration. Its essentially the same thing when dealing with seals… and from what Ms. Katherine told us and what we've seen, you at least have some experience."

I nodded, smiling and said "I'll do my best."

.

When everything was said and done, Kratos deemed it ready to change the subject. "We head out at seven a.m. Sharp. No one be late."

With that, everyone went to bed, but that time at the same time. I made sure Colette didn't take the floor again, and when she argued that Raine hadn't had a bed yet, I sighed and let Colette take the couch, but _not_ the floor.

I walked back downstairs and wrote a note to Katherine. She had taken off on a request, she was staying the night at someones place and healing one of the people injured by the Desians earlier that day.

_Katherine,_

_I decided to follow your advice. Yes, I will go to Luin and get Tia's stuff. But in return, I beg of you, please, please, pleeeeaaaaaassse stay safe! Honestly, do not go anywhere alone as long as the Desians are around, don't poison your food, be careful with sharp objects and do not kill yourself. I will burn your bobblehead collection. And put it in the ocean. It wont be hard, _

_From, Eris_

_Ps, If you touch any of my books or trinkets I've collected, I will hunt you down and gut you like a fish._

With that, I stood up and stretched and placed the letter of the kitchen counter. I walked out, and bumped into a familiar auburn man.

I jumped back about five feet in surprise, and he raised an eyebrow. He simply walked in the kitchen, and grabbed his sword that was on the _counter_ for some reason. Luckily, Katherine wasn't here. Handsome men be damned, _no_ one leaves weaponry on _her_ counter! I sometimes laughed that weapons on the counter was an actual problem. I was yelled at constantly for leaving my knives out in the open.

He watched me for a moment, and as I was growing increasingly uncomfortable. He finally said, "You should probably change up your weapon arsenal… You're dagger looks pretty old. Even if its well taken care of."

I blinked. After Tia died, I switched out the dagger she gave me for a new one. Her's was _especially _nice, I didn't want to waste it until the time came. But as for my used one… Well, metal could only last so long after being constantly used. The handle was extremely loose, so I could understand where he was coming from.

"You can come with Lloyd and I tomorrow." He conceded, walking out of the room. "We're in charge of the battle supplies."

"Okay…" With that, I was alone again, and left wondering just why lion man was so uptight that night.

Probably because we told him he was a pet, but I haven't known him long enough to discern feelings.

.


	13. Chapter 12- Expired Liquids

**Chapter 12**

**Expired Liquids**

"... Lets start a band." -Johnny Joestar to Gyro Zepelli.

**A/N**

**Sorry for the long, Loooong wait! I've just been so into Jojo's Bizarre adventure lately, its hard to get into… BUT, luckily I have so many chapters outlined, so posting this wasn't too unbearable.**

**Also, I went and changed some things. Also, there's sorta a thing I did on my author page for this. Another story, filled with information that will probably never be mentioned in this story. Its called Only What The Goddess May know… I didn't really bring it up, since it pretty much says I'm planning on making a sister story to this, then a sequel. But I'm not sure how its going to work yet… **

**Also, I went to Newcon PDX! Whoop! As spider girl and little mac. Spidy on the first and third day, Lil' mac(Genderbender) on the second. I have photography of it actually. Which is good, cuz I took like, no selfies. haha…. Its on Costume Media, its a page on facebook. fairly certain it's open to everyone, if not, well… I'm sorry, haha...**

The following morning, I was walking with Lloyd and Kratos in the outdoor shopping district. It was cheaper than the actual stores inside the city, so most travelers like them(And me too) usually came there. Raine, Genis and Colette was off getting food, and saying farewells to the church… _people_.

Apparently after that, they planned to go to Thoda Geyser and find the water seal. We were getting ready, and I was looking through the Daggers they had in stock.

I hadn't done it in a while, but Tia had taught me to be very picky about my weaponry. Lloyd was groaning about how I was taking too long, and Kratos simply had to deal with his whining. The only way to do that though, was ignoring him.

I was ignoring him as well.

I needed a good weapon, because believe it or not, I was terrified of the ranch. It was absolutely necessary I did my best, and I couldn't afford to settle for anything less with Kaidens safety on the line.

At least thats how I felt.

The truth was, tricking myself into thinking if I had the best I would be the best was the only way to do it. A materialistic perspective yes, but I was lucky I had the ability to cater to my nature, as I was incapable of changing it.

I eventually settled on two daggers that were simple, sharp, dark and crescent shaped. I stuck one in my belt pouch and the other in my larger pocket in my zip up.

We met back up with the group at the house once again, and before setting off we made sure everyone had their stuff.

I had a bag laid out the night before. Mostly different things, things that would be easy to carry. I was alone mostly, up in my room. But when Katherine came up to me with an awkward cough and handed me a box, I blushed, completely forgetting the most obvious thing about being a female.

She gave me a box of… Well. Feminine products.

Which existed, mind you. If there was someone to make them, there was a way to buy them. Same vice versa.

But I had completely forgotten- I was almost sixteen and I had not even started. Which was fine, I guessed, but… Still. Last time around, I started in middle school, so…

But then again, I was still growing. I knew it wasn't _unheard _of, but…

When Katherine left, I looked down at my body almost self consciously. I was worried, was I growing _too_ slow…? I didn't eat much I guessed, but I didn't eat much in my past life either, if I remembered correctly. Was there just something weird about me? I didn't remember Anna being short, and Kratos was far from it. Although he wasn't extremely large, he definitely wasn't short.

Ehem. Anyways. That was in my bag, along with other things awkwardly enough. So. Yeah.

.

"Thats not all your bringing, is it?" Raine asked, eying the small bag I had in my hands. Most people had that reaction, and I almost wondered why it was never brought up sooner. I _did _have my traveling gear with them on the boat, but maybe they never noticed because supplies were not necessary.

_**Probably because they thought you came from a **_**ship** _**to Izoold, not around the Luin trail.**_

I shrugged to Raine, and waved my hands in a non caring gesture.

"No. I was taught to travel light." I told them, eyeing their bags. They didn't carry sleeping bags either, but most had jackets with pockets to walk around in, while I was pretty much bare(except for my pouches). They also carried small bags. Genis… Poor Genis had all the supplies.

They seemed to accept it easy enough, so there were no further questions.

And then we set off.

It was really odd, even though I felt like I wasn't _officially _part of the group, they were still my companions. I kept up well enough, although I felt like I was lagging quite a bit.

It wasn't really fair how skilled they all were, I had been working all my life in this world to assure I would be just as good and better than any threat, and I was _still_ barely keeping up. Well. _Barely_ wasn't the right way to put it, but for some reason I just expected to be just a bit… _Better _than them.

As we were walking, Raine and Genis filled me in on the process. Two people were in charge of a meal each day, and now that I was there it was an even number. The two siblings were paired together, then Lloyd and Colette, and Kratos was the odd one out.

I was paired with him by default.

Also, they decided night shifts by Raine and Kratos's decision each time.

So basicly I would figure it out as I went. It couldn't be any harder than traveling solo, where I couldn't sleep until I reached a town.

When we stopped for the night, It was Lloyd and Colettes turn to make something to eat. The rest of us went to set up camp, Raine and Genis setting up the campsite, Kratos gathering supplies, and me throwing around Holy water everywhere around the campsite for the night to keep monsters away.

It was a pretty light atmosphere, if I had to say so, but I realized it was probably because none knew what was to come. So I played along. It was easy, since, y'know, I've had to deal with foreknowledge of hopelessness my whole _life. _

I finished up, and we eventually ended up settling down as expected.

"What's in it?" I asked quietly as everyone was eating, holding the left over holy water. Me already having scarfed down my own food. as it was just sandwiches and water, nothing extravagant. But you couldn't really expect anything less.

"Its just water…" Genis said, tilting his head. "Holy _water_."

"If water could keep away monsters, don't you think there wouldn't be so many starfish monsters all over the place?" I asked, looking up.

"Its blessed by the Church of Martel, so its not normal water." Raine retorted calmly, having finished up her meal meal as well and now just sitting quietly as she read.

I looked at them incredulously, noticing absentmindedly Kratos was no where to be seen. Then I looked down at the Holy Bottle in my hands. I snorted as I thought to myself, _No, holy _water_, but its blessed by the Church of Martel_... _Hah._ I turned my sights back up at Raine, raising my eyebrow as if she just issued me a challenge and uncorked the bottle. There was still a bit left.

"Wha- Your going to drink it?!" Genis squeaked, and I shrugged, bringing it to my lips.

"Its just water, _right?_" I challenged, swinging the bottle back and forth between my fingers. "The worst that can happen is I start sparkling from the holy… _ness,_of it… Uh… Right?" I eyed Colette curiously. If it was blessed by the church, then chances were she would know the contents of the bottle. I didn't really _want _to die or anything, so I had to make sure there was at least a _chance _ of survival.

She laughed nervously, and Lloyd leaned forward in interest as well.

"I kind of wonder too…" He said, watching me intently. "What are you waiting for? Drink it!"

"Eris, what the point of taking the risk?" Raine sighed, as if she expected better of me. Which made _no _sense. I mean, I was just a goofy fifteen year old brat, right? I just brought down the bottle in response, and took a small sip of it. I immediately recoiled and gagged.

"Not water!" I coughed, jumping up and spitting it out. I threw the bottle down, pretty sure the rest wouldn't spill out with how little there was left.

Kratos walked back to the group on the further side of the small camp, and stopped short when he noticed me gagging. He kind of tilted his head as he watched me, and I couldn't help but scowl in embarrassment. Irritated at how the church lied about the so called 'blessed' water and its unexpected contents, I stood up straight and walked over to the bottle, picking it up.

"If its not water, then what is it?" Genis asked the group, and I walked over to the fire, holding the bottle out far away from me, and a small drop slid from the top.

Upon contact, the water _burned_ and disappeared. Everyone was silent, and the only person who really reacted was Kratos who sighed, and made his way over to the larger log where Lloyd and I were sitting.

Well. Where I _was _sitting. The jerk took my spot.

I was silent for a moment longer, disbelievingly, before I snorted. "Holy water has _alchohol?_"

Genis gasped, and Lloyd tilted his head. "What? Seriously?!"

"So you just drank alcohol… underage?" Genis asked in a deadpan tone.

"No, no, its blessed by the church, its _totally _fine!" I defended dryly as I looked at the bottle, hoping to find a contents list again. I could have sworn I tasted something else... "Besides, I'm pretty sure its not the kind you get drunk off of… I _think_… I don't really know much about alcoholic beverages."

"_Is_ there alcohol you can't get drunk off of?" Lloyd asked, but answered by no one.

"I was starting to get worried..." Raine commented, sighing. "You made it sound like you were a consummate alcoholic."

I turned my sights to her, and rubbed my neck. "N-no, actually I'm not very fond of that kinda thing, so usually I avoid it. But I _have _tasted it before…"

Tia had had some on one of our travels, and I was curious so I asked to taste it. She let me, and I regretted it and never tried it since. In my past life, I was so straight edge(Being religious and all), but after dying without closure, it didn't matter anymore. So I tried it. And didn't try it again- Until the Holy Water incident.

_**The 'Holy Water Incident'... How ominous… haha. **_

After that fiasco, everyone settled down and began slowly going to sleep at their own pace.

I volunteered to take the morning night shift after Colette, and since no one _wanted_ it, I had no trouble claiming it.

I woke up at midnight, and never went back to sleep. It was Lloyds night shift, but I didn't really feel like talking with people, so I stayed on the ground, just rolling over on my side, my hands curling under my bag. The fire was almost going out, offering no extra warmth. I decided it was allgood though, it was actually fairly warm out that night. Sylvarant was much colder than Washington or Oregon, and since it rarely snowed, unlike Tethe'alla, if I remembered correctly, I assumed it had something to do with Efreet.

I tuned into Lloyds breathing. Kratos was on the other side of the sleeping figures, so I couldn't see him, and since he probably wasn't even sleeping at all I couldn't hear him either. I breifly wondered what it was like for him to have companionship for a while, then ultimate lonliness for fourteen years, then suddenly find his family again. Was it… Overwhelming? Hurtful? I wondered if he knew, or even more so that if I told him... Would he care... ? What would he do?

But… I had to admit, being with people during traveling was very nice. It sucked being far away from people, all alone in the middle of nowhere. So I guessed the change was not unwelcome, no matter who my companions were.

.

The next day, we made it to the House of Salvation. I was _so_ ready to kick back and relax, but unfortunately the second we got there, we were approached by a soldier from the Palmacosta milita.

"Chosen one! Everyone!" We turned around to watch the large, green clad soldier approached us, and I suddenly got the feeling there was going to be no relaxation time.

"What is it?" Colette asked him when he finally came to a stop in front of us.

"I have a message from Dorr." He said, and I rolled my eyes. _Great. _"He would like you to temporarily cease the journey of regeneration."

"What is this about?" Kratos asked, crossing his arms. He didn't sound in the least bit impressed, and neither was anyone else. Except for me, but that was because I realized what was going on. I forgot _how_ it all started, but if I wasn't mistaken, it was at that point we would go to the ranch.

"A Church of Martel pilgrimage has been kidnapped by Desians." He said gravely, and I stood up straighter. _Is this…? _"In the light of this, Dorr has decided this is the time to gather Palmacosta's forces, and launch an attack on the human ranch controlled by Magnius."

"And why didn't we decide to do this when Magnius was defenseless _inside _Palmacosta? Where was Dorr?" I asked. But then another thought crossed my mind. _Wait wait, was this guy following us the entire time? How come we didn't see him?_

Raine cleared her throat, and it was decided my turn was over.

"Also, how is that related?" Genis asked, and I felt the urge to pat him on the head. It made my observations and scepticisms seem natural. If _Genis _could jump to conclusions like that, that meant it would look alright for me to do so as well… Sort of.

"We would like you to rescue the kidnapped tour guide in concert with our attack." The soldier claimed. I couldn't believe he didn't see what he was saying… But no one else in Palmacosta did, so who could blame him?

"Who is this kidnapped tour guide?" Colette asked.

_Who else _could _it be? _ I thought dryly, keeping a poker face and my mouth sealed shut with a scowl.

"Her name is Chocolat."

With that, all hell broke loose.

"Chocolat?!" Lloyd exclaimed in shock. I mean, it was _quite_ distressing.

"Oh no…" Raine murmured, and the only ones who seemed unaffected was me and Kratos, most likely for different reasons.

_Chocolat gets herself recaptured anyways… _And although I tried to keep up with my hatred, I couldn't help but feel bad for her. I could only imagine how much she's going to try and beat herself up afterwards, after everything was said in done. 'Why didn't I throw a tissy fit _after_wards?!'

Joking aside though. I knew what it was like to react harshly to something, then realize how foolish and pointless it was later. It was embarrassing, but mostly, it was isolating.

"Chosen one…" The soldier pleaded, "Please help us."

"Lloyd, lets help them." Colette said resolutely.

"Yeah, okay." Lloyd conceded, and I let out a large breath out of my nose. The ranch…

Raine sighed, but not exactly in disappointment. "...Somehow, I thought you were going to say that."

"Of course!" Lloyd said determinedly, as in _why would you even think otherwise?_. "We can't just leave her!"

"Thank you! Neil will inform you of the Details once you reach the ranch!" The soldier exclaimed gratefully.

.

They had the decency to have a carriage to take us there in less than a day. I guessed that was also how they had caught up with us so fast. We were crammed pretty tight in there, and I volunteered to hang on the outside of the carriage as it moved to make more room.

So thats what I was doing, on the outside leaning inside through the opening so I could talk to Lloyd, and Kratos looking like a ruffled up little chicken from the wind.

In my head at least. I knew I probably looked like _trash_.

"Eris, are you familiar with this Neil fellow?" Raine asked suddenly. I tilted my head.

"Well yeah. I've never actually seen him, but I'm willing to bet he's way better than _Dorr_." I scowled at the name, but jolted as the carriage hit a bump, and held on extra tight to preserve my life.

"How so?" Kratos suddenly pitched in, and I was surprised to hear him actually talking to me. It almost felt like I was being shunned...

"Mostly just that a lot of fishy things have been going on since his wife died." I said, shrugging one of my shoulders. "There's too many to list, too small. But the most recent is that he sent all of his _experienced _soldiers out for training before the Desian attack. Dorr of all people should have known that it was the _death _quota exceeded, not the capture quota. If there even is one. Besides, the risks are too high."

"So its more a matter of his intelligence than his allegiance." Rained concluded, closing her eyes thoughtfully.

"No." I corrected. "I think his methods as a leader are very… contradicting."

_**The aphorism of the question, 'If a king kills his subject for fallacious reasons, does that make him the traitor?' Your questioning his integrity as a person, because if a leader leads you where you don't want to go, you're the one at fault for following him. **_

_Unless he's a liar. Then you can't be blamed as much for not knowing what you follow. _

The fact of the matter was anyone can be followed, and if your king leads you to hell, it doesn't change the fact he still lead you. So no one can fail as a leader if they're honest; only as a person. But Dorr _isn't _honest, he lied to use the people of Palmacosta. So despite opinions, despite anything else… To simplify, Dorr was bad, we need to get rid of him. The end.

"Thats an interesting way of putting it." Raine said. "But you still didn't answer the question."

I tilted my head, shifting my arms. The cart was vibrating on my ribs(Which were _way _smaller than my last lifes, even as a middle schooler), and it wasn't very comfortable. So I shifted a bit away from the railing.

There was no question actually _asked_, so I wondered just what she was wanting me to say. Was she asking me what I thought Dorr was up to? Who I liked better?

Then I realized, she was asking me who to _trust_.

I knew there was a soldier that could listen in, so I worded my next sentence extra carefully. Disliking someone as a leader was one thing, claiming treachery was a whole other concept, with much different consequences. Before I said it in a very interpretive way. Only someone who knew where I was coming from could get what I meant. I knew Raine was smart. I knew she knew that I knew, by the way her gaze switched from probing to a more patient gaze.

So instead of making Dorr the subject, I focused on Neil.

"Neil cares a great deal about the people." I told them slowly, watching as the ranch came into view from a distance through the carriage window up front. "And he's trustworthy, but incredibly gullible…"

_Neil wouldn't hurt a fly, you can trust him to treat us well. But he trusts Dorr, so don't take everything he says absolutely seriously. _

Raine nodded, as Kratos just sighed, and I hoped they at least got the gist of what I was saying.

.

We stopped a ways from the ranch, and there were several times where we had to jump behind a branch to avoid getting seen. The closer we got, the higher ranking Desians there were.

"L-Lloyd…" Genis whispered as we were hiding inside some branches. He looked rather nervous, and I watched from a few feets distance where Lloyd was eyeing the younger half elf in acknowledgment.

"Yeah, we've seen this before…" Lloyd whispered, his Desian butt kicking mode on. "So Iselia's wasn't the only Human ranch…"

_If only it was, _I thought impatiently, as several more Desians passed too slowely for comfort. I gulped- it was nerve wracking. Too familiar to the incident with Tia. The trees, the situation, and the shrouded ranch...

"I don't want to see anymore victims like Marble…" Genis whispered determinedly, and I flinched at the noise as I prayed to any God out there that _no Desians could hear us_.

It was some terrifying stuff.

"Yeah, we don't need anymore victims." The red clad boy agreed, squinting determinedly as the Desians finally passed us fully. "Let's go Genis!"

We jumped out of the bushes, getting ready to sprint to the next one.

"Chosen one, please wait…!"

I jumped about three feet in the air, whipping out my dagger faster than you could say 'Magnius's Magnet', and pointed them threateningly in the direction the voice came from.

Lucky Kratos was there to pull my arms down so I didn't startle anyone anymore than I had, and proceeded to tug me into the bushes, where Neil was standing in wait, seemingly nervous.

"Neil!" Lloyd exclaimed, and I wondered just where they met the man. Like, ever. "We heard Chocolat's been kidnapped!"

"Yes, I wish to speak with you regarding that." Neil whispered, glancing around nervously. "Please, come this way."

We followed him further into the brush, where there was a small clearing good enough to hide in _and _see the entrance to the ranch. We all kneeled in front of Neil (Hehe), and listened in.

"It doesn't sound like you have very good news for us…" Raine started, looking onward gravely.

The Palmacosta adviser sighed, looking at the group sadly. "I would like you all to go ahead and leave the Palmacosta region."

The whole group, me included, all had their own reaction of surprise.

"But if we do that, what will happen to Chocolat?" Colette fretted, looking to Neil in deep worry.

"Yeah!" Lloyd added, now everyone feeling safe enough to talk in semi-normal voices. "We were supposed to work in conjunction with the Palmacosta army to save Chocolat, right?"

"No, thats…" Neil started to protest, and I heard Raine sigh in a emotion I could not name. Like a _just as I thought _type of thing.

"So it is a trap." Kratos concluded, and crossed his arms, as he closed his eyes in thought.

"... Of the several possibilities, it looks like the worst one came true." the other adult said, pinching her nose.

"Kratos! Professor!" Lloyd cried out in shock, "What are you talking about?"

"It was a mystery that the Desians would simply leave a city with an army alone." The mercenary stated, Raine standing by him as if to back up what he was saying.

"Yes, exactly." Raine said, tilting her head. "Choosing not to crush the seeds of a rebellion means they aren't much of a threat."

"Not saying I disagree with what your saying," I piped up, thinking this over. "But they've done plenty of things to our militia. I... have a friend that was actually taken to the ranch a few days ago, and he was a guard. The militia itself can't be blamed."

"But Dorr is the leader, and he hasn't been touched." Raine replied, now looking to me. "You said so yourself how odd it was Dorr was nowhere to be found, and not to mention his decision making. I'm not saying the whole militia is responsible."

I now nodded, knowing exactly where she was coming from. It was the fact our efforts had not been crushed that was suspicious, not that the whole militia was in on it. I was… Glad she understood. I was bad with words, and I knew Raine's words would do better to make him feel better, since he'd undoubtedly feel guilty. I was sure she would let me steal them to comfort a friend...

"They are left alone simply because they have no power." Raine continued with her original thoughts, addressing the group as a whole. "Or, perhaps… because they are beneficial."

"... It is as you say." Neil backed down, looking incredibly guilty. "Dorr is working with the Desians to lead the Chosen into a trap."

"Why would he do such a thing?!" Genis asked, as if he couldn't comprehend anyone trying to hurt the chosen herself.

"He didn't used to be like this!" Neil said, as if he was actually defending the bastard. "He always thought of the well being of the people in the city!"

I scrunched my nose. Even before his wife died, I had convinced myself he was a traitorous jerk, so it took a lot for me to accept in tht moment that Dorr might have been a good guy beforehand.

_I would have pitied him in my last life._ I thought, looking away from Neil. _My old understanding and love was one thing that did not carry over._

"Even five years ago, when he lost his wife, Clara, he swore to fight against the Desians." Neil added, and I balled my fists tightly.

How could he still believe that? Did he honestly still have faith in Dorr?

_**We can't tell him not to.**_ _**Its not like **_**we **_**knew Dorr every step of the way.**_

Everyone idolizes him. Why were people so cruel? Favoring people who don't deserve it. Ridiculing people who don't deserve it… Why were people like that? How can people misunderstand something so terribly?

Honestly, I didn't know why the subject affected my so terribly. I didn't care about anyone in Palmacosta. Other than a select few, so…

"Then why…" Colette trailed off sadly.

_So then why did he give up with so many people to support him? _How _did he give up?_

"I don't know." The Governor advisor answered. "...At any rate, entering the ranch now would put the Chosen in danger. Leave Chocolat to me and be on your way. Please regenerate the world as soon as possible."

Right. We'll just… Regenerate the world…?

"... Indeed." Kratos said, and I wondered why he sounded so hesitant. "It would be best to abandon the situation here for world regeneration."

I soon figured out why he was so hesitant to say that, as the Chosen herself immediately turned on him, pumping her fists up and indignantly. "No! We can't just ignore this!"

"Colettes right." Genis added, being the more level headed of the three teens. "We can't leave things as they are now. Palmacosta might be destroyed like Iselia! You think so too, don't you Lloyd?!"

Before Lloyd could answer, Raine interrupted. "Yes, what you say is true. But I still wish to side with Kratos. If you don't want to see cities destroyed, you should avoid contact with the Desians."

Normally, I would agree, because… By all means, make _less _trouble for yourself, not more! But of course, I had a very dear friend inside the ranch, and I tagged along because I wanted _in _on their little adventure, not to talk them out of it.

So with only slight hesitation, I crossed my arms as if to brace myself. "Do you really think desians can just disappear?" I asked, steeling my voice. "Desians are people too. No matter how… Cruel they are," I had almost said evil but decided against it. "I don't believe they can just disappear." I started loosing my gusto once I noticed people were actually listening to what I had to say, so I looked down in discomfort. "I-I mean... How can we ignore the damage leaving a problem like this alone can cause?"

"Yeah, its not right." Colette backed my statement, doing her little bounce of disapproval. "Regenerating the world and saving the people in front of us are not exclusive to each other! Thats what I think."

In the game, the designers expect people to immediately back Lloyd up on this. Because _duh,_ you're the hero, you're supposed to save everyone you come across!

They never really explain where the adults were coming from. The point of the journey wasn't to make an image of self sacrifice, or make the chosen look good. That kind of thing doesn't matter when you're sending said image to her death.

The point was, there were thousands more lives being lost in separate ranches. Sure, you made some people pretty grateful by destroying _a_ ranch, but there will be more desians to take the destroyed ones place. Yeah, you made a _difference_, but time wasn't money in this world. Time is _life lost_, and the best way to fix the problem was to get rid of it all at once as soon as possible.

And I would do the same thing, except I know half elves don't just _disappear_, and with my knowledge of the future I could testify to myself(Not aloud of course, what could I use other than make opinions?). Tethe'alla would suffer, so there was no way to really destroy them all at once.

"If thats how you feel Colette…" Raine said, looking at her with respect, and a bit of… pity? "Then we do not have any right to stop you. The only one who has the right to make decisions on this journey is you, the Chosen One."

She then turned to Lloyd. He hadn't said anything in this entire conversation, which was rather surprising. "Is that alright with you Lloyd?"

_**Wait wait wait… Didn't she just say only Colette had a say?**_ The sleepy voice came, and I slightly nodded my head. I agreed with the unknown voice in my head, what was the point of asking Lloyd? It was already decided by Colette.

"That was my intention from the beginning." The brunette stated determined. "Remember what I said? I'm going to destroy them all."

I almost laughed at that. He said it with a completely straight face too! I knew he _would_, but… at that point in time, to everyone including me, it was a hard thing to believe. Ranches were so ingrained in this worlds culture, even _I _got used to it. And he's just going to get rid of it? If I didn't know the future, I'd call bullshit.

"Still…" Neil interrupted(Even though no one was saying anything, but at this point it felt like he didn't belong there.), but Genis beat him to the punch.

"Its all right. Colette is saying this is what she wants."

"...Now then," Raine started, since we already established that _shit was going down_, "We have two courses we can take. The first one is to go on and infiltrate the ranch and rescue Chocolat and the other captives. Now that things have come to this, if we leave the ranch alone, it will surely result in a second Iselia. Our second option is to confirm Dorr's true motives. If he has planned a trap, then he knows the lay out of the ranch as well…. Lets let him talk for a bit."

"What are you going to do to Dorr?" Neil asked, somewhat worriedly. Even though Dorr was a traitor and an egotistical jerk, the younger man still cared for him a great deal.

"You'd better not ask that." Genis said, both serious and joking. "Raine's punishments are painful…" The mentioned half elf swiftly smacked the younger in the head without batting a lash.

"Thinking logically," Kratos added, closing his eyes. "Dealing with Dorr first is the correct choice."

"Why?" I asked, tilting my head. "Sure, seeing Dorr first can get us a map or something useful, but Its not really worth it. I have plenty of methods of getting in and out. The Desians are a bigger threat than Dorr, aiming for Dorr first will give them a heads up that we know its a trap. It's like painting a big red target on our backs."

"That would be a good idea," Raine drawled. "Except the Desians already think we're coming. The only thing they don't know… is how much we know. And in situations like this, information is more valuable than any strategy."

I wanted to smack myself in the head. Of course, how did I forget they were already expecting us? In that case, they were right. Magnius was trying to take us out, if we knew something they didn't expect, we could outsmart them from the inside. We only had one shot, it would be the hardest obstacle either way, might as well prepare. But…

"How many lives will be lost if we wait it out…?" I asked myself quietly, wondering of Kaidens situation. Did he go without a fight? If not, he definitely was injured. But what kind of injury did he sustain…?

"What do you think Lloyd?" Colette asked.

Lloyd regarded us all carefully. Then he suddenly exclaimed "Let's go attack!"

I was honestly surprised. With what Raine said, it would have been better to go back to Palmacosta. Although I was incredibly relieved as well. I didn't want to leave Kaiden hanging any longer than necessary, and I worried going to Palmacosta might push me past the breaking point. If I was confronting Dorr, I'd lose my cool. There was a part of me that directly blamed Dorr for Kaidens current situation. And Kaiden was in danger about fifteen minutes away from me, in a building right there. Leaving it would tear at me. And working up the courage to go back? I didn't think so.

"Who cares about their trap?!" Lloyd continued, currently fired up. "We're going to save Chocolat. Now!"

"You got it!" Genis exclaimed enthusiastically. "Count me in!"

"Me too." Colette added, notably more mellow than the previous two. "I'm sure Chocolat is scared and lonely by herself."

"I don't want to agree to this…" Raine sighed. "But it looks like I don't have a choice."

"...If thats your wish. Lets go." Kratos concluded, and the group nodded.

But Lloyd jolted, and everyone looked to him curiously as he seemed to remember something. He turned to me, and I looked back curious to what he had to say.

"Are _you_ alright with this?" He asked, and I pointed to myself in a _are you talking to me_ gesture. He nodded, and said "A lot of this is going to be on your shoulders, since you probably have the most experience with breaking into places and stuff."

I blinked at his perceptive nature. But at the same time, it kinda irked me what with his choice in words- 'breaking into places'...? Made me sound like a delinquient. But then again, I guess it didn't matter. So I shrugged awkwardly. "W-well sure, I'm fine with this… Actually, this is better for me personally."

Understatement. But it was true.

Curious as he was, he didn't ask _how_ it affected me, simply squaring his shoulders. "Alright! Lets do this!"

.

_**Title**__\- __**Misinformed Infiltrator**__\- She knows the basics of _what _she's doing... She just doesn't know the _details_._

_Weapon- Dragon tail Dagger set *_


	14. Chapter 13- Red Lights Mean Boom Boom

**Chapter 13**

**Red Lights Mean Boom Boom**

"When you suffer an attack of nerves you're being attacked by the **nervous** system. What chance has a man got against a system?"

**A/N**

**Yeah, I'm really sorry for the wait. My charger broke, and so I've had to borrow my moms just to get this one out. I haven't given up! She's a writer too, so the amount of time she's on her computer? She's bothering me to get off mine as we speak. So, I have no time for acknowledgements, but I hope this is satisfying. **

**Enjoy!**

Neil pleaded to come with us, and although I wanted to tell him to go home or something, Lloyd seemed especially empathetic to Neil's plea, and let him come.

I was still pretty shaken by the fact that I was going to be infiltrating a _ranch_, so I told myself that I couldn't defend him, if I tried, I'd simply get in the way. So I wasn't going to protect him, it was not something I was ever good at. That's what I said to make myself feel better anyways.

"We'll be barging in from the front door, so we better make sure we're prepared." Raine said, before we completely left the clearing. We didn't have time to walk back to Palmacosta, so we simply made sure to distribute items and make a buddy system. No one would be separating, but just in case.

It was decided Raine and Colette stick together, due to the fact Raine was an adult and both could work well to protect the other, Lloyd and Genis, then me and Kratos…. Again.

All for strategic reasons too complicated to explain. But Me and Kratos were basically paired because I skilled enough to _defend _any one, being my offense was my defense_,_ and Kratos could manage on his own. No matter how strong I was, there was only so much _I_ could do to keep someone away from a healer or a caster. Which was fine, since as a magic knight Kratos's spells weren't taxing or long to cast anyhow. Also, Kratos was really _strong_, if I wasn't here, he probably would have been by himself anyhow. So really? I was being _babysat_. But it was better than being abandoned and left to my own devices, so I didn't complain.

The last thing we wanted to do was alert Magnius of our exact location so soon, and while he was bound to figure it out fairly quick anyhow, might as well milk what little advantage we had by getting in as far as possible while minimizing the little heads up of our position. I could feel the nerves buzzing underneath my skin, and as I sat in the trees waiting to strike, the memory of my past folly was almost tangible.

I was in the trees. Desians below me. Plotting to strike. Although there were no hostages, it was familiar enough to make me shudder. I tried not to imagine Tia being down there, or hostages. I would be fine. No one was at stake but me.

_I'm fine I'm fine, no ones getting hurt today._ I took a deep, shuddering breath. _This isn't the same._

It took several deep breaths to get over it, and when I did, I swiftly took out my invisible vertigo powder. It wasn't colored, so thats why it was considered invisible.I had made it specifically in preparation of infiltrating the ranch, and had plenty of more tricks up my sleeve... If I was calm enough to remember any of them when it was actually needed that was.

I wasn't _attacking_ the guards, I was actually over the front gates and peering at the small enclosure where the human cattle pushed giant boulders around all day. The plan was to toss the powder in there, make a ruckus, lure the other guards and take out as many in one go as possible before storming inside the ranch itself.

I tossed in quite a bit, In fact so much it covered the entire outdoor area and I used my whole supply. More Desians came in to see what was happening, and only several minutes later there were about fifty dizzy half elves swooning in the enclosure, and as the powder was gone, the fighters of the group(Kratos and Lloyd) and me swooped in with covered mouths to make sure we didn't accidentally inhale too much, and took them out swiftly.

Neil and the others came shortly after, and we nodded in acknowledgement of their presence. Their utterly _useless_ presence.

Anyway, when we were all together, we ran into the ranch. Unlike the game, there wasn't any puzzles, and while there was the sorcerer's ring, it was more for camping convenience for killing people.

Like camp fires. And burning vampires. Actually, we had never burned a vampire, but I was sure if we had to the sorcerers ring might have helped at least a _little_.

The familiar white walls surrounded us, and although it normally would have been an odd contrast to the outside world, I had been expecting the sterile, white, futuristic environment of the ranch. The others hadn't though, and it took a few seconds to get Lloyd and Colette's heads back in the game after the initial surprise.

"This is like the Triet ranch," Lloyd commented, catching up easily as he was one of the fastest, but still pretty lagging due to his talking. "But for some reason it feels a little different..."

Actually, it reminded me of a hospital. Of course it was lacking the obvious things, like the fact the ranches were torture facilities, and hospitals mostly were not.

"Maybe its because Triet was in a desert, and this one is a forest." I said, knowing that probably wasn't it, but I couldn't exactly say 'That's because it isn't even a ranch'.

Lloyd just shrugged, deciding to save his breath for running.

The mana in the Palmacosta ranch was actually very… odd. It was like a mixture of every possible type of mana, density wise, speed wise… And the only thing all the mana had in common was it moved clockwise, which was the general rule for mana anyway, so the fact there was so much mana seemingly condensed was nauseating, and almost gave me a headache.

We eventually cleared a room with a giant box in the middle. Raine said it was a refresher, and we all kinda stood in front of it. She said it was supposed to replenish Mana(Which no matter what anyone says, even humans can run out in a battle, magic or no). I remembered in the game it was supposed to refresh _health_, not mana. But we did not require TP for simple things like demon fang. But a small amount of mana and physical energy was required for it. And for people of elven blood mana was needed even more, less so for humans. Even if some thought mana and physical energy were one and the same.

When it was my turn, I hesitantly pressed the button.

I shuddered at the feeling, it felt like I took a vacuum and ran it all over my internal organs. Like sticking it up your nose, but _everywhere_. Except the vacuuming was mint flavored. Like toothpaste. Like that even made sense.

"What's wrong?" Raine asked worriedly as I resisted the urge to dry heave, instead yelling "Blek!" and scooting as far away from the cursed machine as possible.

"That's disgusting!" I muttered, nose in the floor as I gagged. "That's not a refresher... All it does is give you unnatural Mana and a minty aftertaste..."

Everyone was staring at me incredulously, Kratos included, and I rolled around on the floor in a corner in absolute disgust.

I didn't care if the floor was dirty. At least it was _natural. _I just wished that my insides felt the same way.

"Minty aftertaste?" Lloyd asked. "I didn't taste anything… And mana is mana, Right?"

"Yes, but mana is a lot like color…" Raine said half halfheartedly, more focused on observing me and the machine. "Eris… Did you actually _feel _the mana?"

I nodded, trying to make it look like I wasn't intentionally keeping it to myself_._ I knew I might as well tell the truth, being as dismissive as possible as to not make a ordeal.

I sat up, now the minty mana starting to match my natural mana, and I looked up at Raine. Kratos was watching me along with everyone else, and somehow that made it even worse.

"Yeah, I know its not normal for humans or whatever, so no need to remind me…"

"But you also said taste…" Raine said, watching me intently. "You can _taste_ it as well?"

"We don't have time for this…" I muttered, remembering just where we were at. I still needed to find Kaiden, so I decided to use that as an excuse. "I'll answer questions later…" I shuddered as I felt another wave of the replenisher mana pass through me. "Bleh… lets go already."

Although Raine was curious, she decided not to press the subject.

We searched the ranch in silence, sometimes running into a few or several Desians we had to fight. I was starting to get used to fighting with the chosens group, but there were still times where I would accidentally clash with Lloyd or Collette, being the closest people to fight like I did. But we smoothed it out fairly well, winning with minimal casualties. The nervousness was leaving my system as I got used to the fact I was in a ranch, and because no one was getting mortally wounded. I was still worried about Kaiden though, and sometimes I would think I saw signs of prisoners, but it seemed they were all locked up. Probably because of the ambush; Because of us or the Desians plans, I didn't know for sure. Eventually, I heard Lloyd groan, as him, Genis and Raine stated their similar dislike for the ranches.

There was an solemn silence in the light that we knew the terrors humans were put through in the ranches. This place had a direct relation to the general suffering of this world as well, so I assumed the group felt like I did in the fact that speaking light heartedly just didn't match to mood the place made. It would be the same as going to a temple and joking around with your friends, it didn't match the mood and it was almost disrespectful, whether you were religious or not.

Eventually, we ran into a few obstacles. We needed things like card keys, and passes. We figured it out after fighting a gazillion Desians, that the high rank ones had some useful things. Like… Key cards.

We never got separated, and it was incredibly easy...

_**I'm going to be the bigger person and say the cheesy line we're all thinking. **_ There was a whisper in the back of my mind. _**This is **_**Too **_**easy… **_

Probably had something to do with the fact it was a _trap_. Neil already _told_ us that.

It wasn't until we were in the place for forty five minutes that we finally found the prisoners. I was relieved, because honestly Neil was super slow, and I couldn't just bolt out of harms way with him around, and the place was scary enough as it was. I knew it was selfish, _I _was the scared one when Neil was the most defenseless guy in our group, and he _volunteered _to come.

Again, why was _Dorr_ in charge?

"Its the captives…" Genis said, and it took all my might not to take off down the corridor in search of my friend.

"Please, lets save them." Colette asked, and Raine nodded.

"Yes, when you consider what'll happen, you can't just leave them here like this."

"Shall we split into two groups then?" Lloyd turned to us and suggested, a tilt of his head. It was a pure question, and I could tell at this point in time Lloyd was not quite the 'leader' just yet, but he still had quite a bit of weight in the group.

"No." We turned to Neil as he walked forward. "Please leave this to me. Members of the Palmacosta army will be coming in soon. I'll remain here, join up with them, and free these people." Then as a afterthought, he said "Please take care of Chocolat."

Lloyd nodded, "Okay. We'll leave it to you then."

Luckily, _count my stars and sing joyously_, we actually _waited_ until all the prisoners were free. I was incredibly relieved when no one said anything as I left, and began frantically searching through the group of soon to be escapees.

There was a very large group, around sixty captives, so it took a while. Eventually, Lloyd figured out I was searching for someone, but I overheard Raine telling him to leave me be. Which was definitely fine, what if I didn't find him?

I had just about gave up when I saw a very familiar blond head. I pushed past what few people were left in the room and made my way over to him desperately.

"Kaiden!" He turned around at the sound of my voice, and I saw his eyes widen.

"Eris?" He walked closer to me, rather slow, and I wondered if he was injured as I ran to him. And at first he appeared to be one hundred percent healthy, if not for the somewhat weary grin he wore.

I froze about five feet away from him when I realized what was off.

He hobbled the rest of the way toward me, and I didn't say a word. I just stared at him in shock.

"H-hey…"He grinned a bit, us meeting each other halfway.

"You… You're arm…!" I exclaimed in horror. Sure enough, where his arm should have been was simply a stump. It was wrapped and sloppily healed, although a bit bloody. I worried it was infected, although it was obviously taken care of enough to let him at least survive.

"Its no sweat, I _am_ still here. Well…" He wiggled what was left of his arm, which was barely more than a shoulder. "Most of me."

I resisted the urge to bang my head against a wall, or(And) run away with Kaiden in tow. I was stuck in the horrors in my head, thinking of all the things I had done wrong that could have led to this when we were interrupted.

"We need to go…" I turned to Neil as he placed a hand on Kaidens good shoulder, rather gently. "I'll take care of him."

I saw the whole group minus Lloyd walk over to me in the corner of my eye, but I simply glared at Neil. I tended to be a bit protective of what little friends I had, and after all that worrying, then coming to see something that mortifying, I was extremely hesitant to let Kaiden out of my sights so soon.

"I promise." Neil reaffirmed said, strongly that time rather than soft.

I watched him for several more seconds, looking to Kaiden. The blonde boy was frowning slightly. He met my eyes, and smiled hesitantly. "I would insist on going with you, but... I'll help Neil handle the captives." When I didn't respond, he grinned even bigger, getting a twinkle in his eye that honestly didn't belong with his bloody arm hanging by his side. "I'm a soldier, It's my job. I'm a big kid, I can take care of myself!" I turned my sights back to Neil, an intentional glare aimed toward him.

"...I'll hold you to that." I said hesitantly, as the man helped the unbalanced blond walk forward. I knew he would do his best, but I also knew that accidents happened with things like escaping captives. Kaiden was also off balance, suddenly losing weight on his left side making it noticeably hard to walk. I swallowed.

I didn't move as they walked past me, worried that if I did I would immediately flock to Kaiden and Neil, clucking like the mother hen I felt like. I stood ajar from the group as we helped make sure everyone left the room, and it wasn't until all the prisoners were gone, the last one leaving being a little boy, that we decided to take off again. But after realizing how hurt Kaiden had got when I wasn't around, it just… Reminded me of how usless I was with everyone else I ever cared about.

I watched Lloyd as we walked, my brother. I was reminding how useless I was to all I cared about- What was I doing? I didn't want to be his sister, but he was still my brother. _I _wanted to protect him. I would watch out for him, I knew just how much danger he was in. He had plenty of people to look out for him, sure. but…

_I want to do so as well._ I thought to myself. _Because… I feel guilty still. We arent siblings anymore, but… I still care. _I didn't feel worthy to take care of him. I couldn't even do so with my own friends, so family? I failed in the past too. I would fail here too, wouldn't I...?

We were all fairly silent, and it took about thirty more minutes of wandering around until anything eventful happened.

Unlike the game, there were _not _dozens, and _dozens_ of portals, so the first one I saw was when we walked into a room where there was a very familiar brunette in the room.

"Lloyd, look!" Genis exclaimed, and Lloyd squinted his eyes rather dramatically to see what the younger was pointing at.

I jumped when Lloyd suddenly and unexpectedly shouted "Stop! Let her go!"

So of course we were dragged in a very boring and swift battle, with the red clad boy charging straight ahead.

The only thing that really happened was I got a kind of large gash on my lower arm from a whip, and although it stung like hell, I was fairly tolerant of it.

It helped that I cut the other guy up far worse.

After the fight, I was still catching my breath as Lloyd energetically walked up to Chocolat.

"You came to rescue me?" The girl asked, and I could actually _feel _her crush on Lloyd. In her mana signature.

"Yup!" Colette said, and although she wasn't as fond of the Chosen as she was Lloyd, she was still plenty ecstatic. "Did they hurt you? Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine chosen one." Chocolat assured them, _them _meaning I didn't really care if she was referring to me(I'm a bitch… I know.). "Everybody, thank you so much!"

"Ah, don't mention it!" Lloyd said casually.

At Chocolat's blush, I didn't bother resisting the urge to mutter, "Don't mention anything else either…"

Kratos stepped forward finally, gracing us with his input and speaking for the first time in ages(Minus his weird battle fatality comments, but whatever). "There is no time to be celebrating. We must still take care of Magnius."

"Assistant Governor-General Neil is escorting the prisoners to safety." Raine added, looking directly at the younger brunette. "Our job is to secure the control room and assure a safe escape."

"Dorr finally mobilized his plans, didn't he?" Chocolat said rather proudly.

It was as if glass was shattered, everyone flinched. I knew no one had the guts to tell Chocolat the truth without hesitation, and since we had no time to waste, Lloyd simply lied and said "Uh...Yeah."

"I'm not sure if its in the control room or not, but in the back is a platform that leads to a room with sparkling lights and other magical looking things."

"Not heaven I'm guessing." I muttered again, ready to get out and check on Kaiden. The more I waited around, the more freaked out I got. It seemed only Kratos heard me, because I saw him roll his eyes.

"I'll show you the way."

After a few thanks, she walked over to a circular device and we followed. I sensed a rather odd hum of mana coming from it, and I recoiled immediately.

"Seriously? Another one?!" I complained, as the others walked by me, only the younger ones giving me a sympathetic glance. One by one they stepped through, and just as I thought I could run off and avoid the thing, I was lightly pushed from behind and going through the portal against my will.

I felt my Mana being bended and jerked like clay, and as I tripped through the other side, I resisted the urge to dry heave. It was even worse than the refresher itself, because it least that didn't physically touch me.

I noticed it was Raine and Kratos who were behind me, and I wasn't willing to place a bet on which one lightly moved me out of the way. I simply glared at both as they walked by.

"So the forsaken Chosen and her entourage of vermin have finally arrived."

"For...Saken?" Kratos said slowly, almost as if he was confused. And he was, because Colette wasn't ordered to die. She was _The _Chosen among Chosens.

We watched as a circular contraption lowered at a slow pace, then utrned around to reveal the demonic half elf himself.

"You've got it mixed up Magnius." Lloyd shot back, rather cocky I might add. "You're the one thats forsaken. Your time here is up."

We heard a _whoosh _sound and I felt the familiar sucking of the processed mana, and we turned to watch several Desians of multiple classes come in the room through the portal and stand in front of their Cardinal.

"We're surrounded!" Colette exclaimed, as we all tensed in anticipation.

_**You're in a Desian ranch, you're **_**always** _**surrounded! **_

Magnius laughed rather obnoxiously, and said "Just like a stupid vermin! I know your every move."

"Thats quite the throne you set up for yourself." I said, barely reining in my irritation. Couldn't they have picked someone who didn't use the same insult _every _time? "I have to say it'll be a pleasure knocking you off of it. Especially when we show you how little control you really have."

"You vermin talk too much." Magnius said, scowling. But then he seemed to remember something, and he grinned sadistically. "If you think you've outsmarted me, you're _dead _wrong. You don't think I know about the inferior beings trying to escape?"

Ignoring the fact that 'the inferior beings' was about the _lamest _thing to call someone, I felt panic bubble inside me. My mana coiled nervously, as there was a projection on the screen. We watched as the doors closed, trapping all the prisoners and _Kaiden_, the limper in the front of the group.

"How did Neil get in there!?" Colette exclaimed, rather alarmed. I remembered tech like this was an uncommon concept in this world, so they most likely thought the prisoners were _in _the screen. I didnt care to play along, I knew exactly what it meant.

"Thats a projector." Kratos responded, and I was glad for his stable nature. I knew that _I _was barely holding back my panic. "A product of magi technology."

Sure enough, there was the artificial mana humming from the projector itself, which was sitting a few feet behind Magnius.

"Its a device that displays images of people and things that are far away." Raine explained, her voice growing more worried every word. Then, she finalized, "We were displayed here as well."

"Oh no, they're trapped!" Genis exclaimed, just now noticing the lack of options at their disposal.

Magnius simply laughed, unaffected by the grim situation he created. "A wasted effort! Everything you've done is meaningless!"

_What? We haven't even started anything yet._ I tried not to panic, as long as we stopped Magnius in time, Kaiden should be fine... It was the only way to save the prisoners.

"How so?!" Lloyd asked, the only one in the room not faltering. "We can rescue everyone as soon as we take care of you!"

I nodded in agreement, the older boy having taken the words right from my mouth.

"Big words from someone whose futile actions caused the disaster at Iselia!"

Lloyd immediately deflated, and I could feel the current of shock at the reminder from where I was standing. I remembered Chocolats presence, I didn't want to waste time being too discrete, so with a huff I walked over to her and made sure to stand in between her and any Desian. I remembered what happened, and although I regarded her with distaste, I didn't _hate_ her. She could be a brat in Palmacosta, the ranch wasn't necessary.

Screw _her_ pride, how much can a annoying little girl have anyways? I won't let her be petty and hurt Lloyd.

"Th...That was…" The red clad hero stuttered, at loss for words.

"I know." Magnius said rather smugly, as if he just came up with a brilliant idea. "How about I recreate that incident using the vermin of the projector?"

"_Que te jodan!_ You _do_ realize vermin are actually one of the most intelligent creatures on the planet, right?!" I snapped, so unexpectedly I reverted to the language of my past life. Luckily we were in a sticky situation, so I didn't expect to be asked about it later. _Que te jodan_! _is not used in this world. Hopefully they think its just a verbal tic rather than habit… _

Ignoring me, Magnius continued. "Watch. I'll unleash their expheres and turn them into monsters!"

I froze, distinctly remembering what that was like. I hadn't seen it since my mother of this world, Anna, was killed, and the fact the same thing happened to my teacher made me that much more fearful of what was to happen.

"No! Stop!" Lloyd shouted, having the same train of thought as the rest of us.

"Come on now, I'll be more than happy to turn them into monsters. Just like that old lady you killed."

I tensed next to Chocolat, ready to grab her at any given moment.

"Just like Marble!" he shouted, and I felt the girl next to me freeze, her mana jerking in both shock and recognition.

"Marble?" She asked quietly, and everything else seemed to pipe down as well. "You don't mean…"

"Oh but I do, my little Chocolat." Magnius said with a lopsided grin. "Dear old Granny Marble was sent to the Iselia ranch, where she was killed by Lloyd. I heard she met a pitiful end!"

Lloyd said nothing, and I put a gentle hand on Chocolats shoulder in anticipation.

"Just like you're about to, Although I wish you were intelligent enough to make your end satisfying!" I said, hoping to make Chocolat realize who the real murderer was, the real enemy.

"It wasn't like he said!" Genis said to the girl next to me, and I watched her as well. "Lloyd tried to save her! But the Desians turned her into a monster, and-"

"Lloyd killed her!" Magnius boomed, interrupting Genis.

"No…" The girl said in despair, starting to back up. I kept my grip firm, not letting her move.

"Don't do anything stupid Chocolat." I whispered, standing closer to her. I wasn't about to hug her, but I didn't want to scare her off either.

She turned at me, a clear look of rage and hysteria written on her face, and screamed "Leave me alone! I can't be saved by my grandma's murderer! I'd rather die!"

"No need to worry about _that_!" I snapped, tightening my grip. "The Iselia Desians are far away from here, and it doesn't look like _Magnius_ is getting up to save you!"

She started shaking. I gently tugged her away from any Desians. "If you truly think Lloyd did it… Then _I'll_ be the one to save you instead…" I said hesitantly. I didn't really want her to consider us friends, but my earlier thoughts still hadn't faded. "Let me do this… At least so you're mother has someone left to count on!"

"Dorr will save me…" Chocolat said, a bit stronger. "Leave… Leave me alone…!"

I tightened my grip to the point I was sure it was painful.

"Don't throw your life away!" Colette called out desperately.

_**She's one to talk.**_

"I'm sure Lloyd will let you pummel him until he's black and blue after this if it makes you feel better, but you need to know Dorr wo- can't do anything." I told her. "If tying you up and paralyzing you keeps you from ending up like my teacher, my friends, _your grandmother,_ then I'll do it. I don't really care about your short term comfort. _Or_ your ego. Not that you really need one. Your annoying anyways." I honestly added the last bit out of spite, and although it wasnt doing much to make her trust me, the threat I made was valid enough to overpower that. I wasn't lying, I should have probably just knocked her out right there, but it then the person watching her as we fought would be held down.

She didn't seem to care about what I said at the last part though, as she began sobbing. I yanked her behind the group, where she would be out of harms way. I made sure to keep an eye on her for the rest of our stay, using one of my lighter doses of sleeping drugs without her knowledge to make her _chill the fuck out_. Cheap maybe, but I didn't really care because I didn't even like Chocolat... Unwarranted dislike maybe, but I didn't care.

Lloyd charged at Magnius, but the Desians surrounding us intercepted him. I allowed the group to handle it while I held on to Chocolat, waiting for her to calm down.

"Why do you care?" She asked finally, looking at me. "Its not a uncommon fact you don't like many people. Me especially."

I wasn't aware people talked about _me _in Palmacosta, but since Tia and Katherine knew pretty much everyone, it shouldn't have been a surprise.

"But I know too many people who like you _especially_." I told her, slowly loosening my grip on her arm. The Desians were busy anyway.

When they were defeated, Magnius let out a couple of crude curses to leave his mouth, "Dammit! How can you allow these inferior beings to defeat you!?"

The fallen Desians that were alive simply groaned in response.

The Grand cardinal then moved out of his chair, taking his rather large weapon out. He stalked closer the the group, "Fine! I'll take care of you myself!"

I knew with his style of fighting, It would be a huge advantage to have both Lloyd and me(Us being the slipperiest) in the fight together. I turned to Raine who was on the other side of the group.

I called out her name, and she turned to me quizzically. Then she seemed to understand what I wanted to ask, and jogged over to stand next to Chocolat.

"I'll heal from here." _I'll look after her._ I nodded.

"Thanks." I glared at the brunette, and scowled. She did the same to me, getting over her moment of submissiveness. But she glared less venomous than I, probably tired, because I wasn't exactly giving her any reason to love me. "Sit. Stay. They aren't going to _touch _you."

I laughed at the face she made. "That's not funny!"

I didn't respond, simply running back into the fray.

Magnius was talking about elven blood or something when I stood in front of the group, ready to charge alongside Lloyd again. It was easy when I was at an advantage, and I had face him alone before, although only shortly in Palmacosta. I had back up, an advantage, and Magnius was just plain _stupid._

He stepped forward, as me and Lloyd immediately went to taking down the Grand Cardinal. We took turns being a distraction, and I got nicked a few times, luckily being able to dodge just in time. Although we were the ones doing the most work, Kratos seemed to do the most damage as he transitioned between spells and attacking directly.

Healing spells were weird, because although it was much like the refresher, it wasn't unpleasant. It was warm, gentle, and didn't leave a artificial sucking feeling that made me want to vomit.

In fact, the first time it happened, I almost fell asleep right as Magnius's Axe almost hit me. It woke me up, and I immediately threw a smoke bomb in his face as a jerk reaction, Lloyd jumping in as he took the distraction as an opportunity to strike.

The second time I was prepared for it, as I was watching Raine from the corner of my eye. I had to remember to ask her to call names as she healed so I was prepared.

It was plenty _annoying_, but the battle wasn't hard for anyone, me especially. Until a desian managed to cast a spell, despite his weak state.

At Lloyd.

Instead of saying anything, I simply moved. I was quick enough, the spell being slow enough due to the opponents weakness and managed to pull Lloyd out of harms way and near Genis. The older boy looked slightly stunned as I gripped his shoulders worridly. I tried not to show my worry though, as I asked "Did the spell catch you?" He shook his head and I managed to leave him to take out the desian who attacked the teen in the first place. It wasn't easy though, I wanted to stick by Lloyd and make sure nothing like that happened again.

Genis finished Magnius with a spell, surprisingly enough, and the large desian fell to the ground with a painful thud.

"Ugh…" Magnius groaned, as he fought to stay conscious from our rather uncoordinated onslaught. "How could a superior half elf like me…"

"It's because you are a fool Magnius." Kratos said, exactly what The rest of us were thinking. He finished it oddly though, stating, "Cruxis has accepted Colette as the Chosen."

I had to say, I was incredibly impressed with his choice of words. I wished I could lie that smoothly. I wasn't a _bad _liar, but once you figured me out, you knew exactly when I was lying.

Kratos was saying Magnius was under no orders to attack Colette, whether he knew it or not.

"... What?!" Magnius hissed, his injuries not allowing him to make his voice boom arrogantly like usual.

"Thats right!" Lloyd said, "Colette is going to regenerate the world! We're not going to lose to someone like you!"

"So… You're… Then…" Magnius stuttered, "I was deceived...!"

With that, he promptly passed out, and we all kind of just stared at him for a minute. When we were sure he wasn't going to pull off a Pacific Rim move and suddenly wake up and rip out our hearts, we all turned our backs to him and looked at each other.

Raine walked away from Chocolat, and Colette walked over to her, engaging in conversation. Lloyd was uncomfortable with the brunette, so he just stayed with me, Kratos, and Genis.

Raine was tinkering with the machine in the back to my relief(She was canceling the trap, saving Kaiden), as we talked.

"So… who was that guy?" Genis turned to me, and I tilted my head. I forgot who he was talking about for a second, then I remembered.

"Oh. His name's Kaiden." I told him, eying Colette and Chocolat discretely, although I'm sure they noticed. Not that they commented of course, despite the fact I was obviously worried over someone I hated at that moment.

"Is he your boyfriend or something?" Lloyd asked, not sounding hesitant or remorseful at all at the comment that would normally be embarrassing.

"Um. No."

"Ouch, sounds like this Kaiden guy is out of luck." Genis said, and I laughed lightly.

"Haha, yeah..." I said awkwardly, smiling a bit. "He's friend zoned at the moment."

"Friend zoned? Does that mean he doesn't stand a chance?' Genis asked, and I grinned sheepishly.

"Er, I'd say its more of me not being interested."

"His arm was missing…" Kratos commented, and I barely suppressed a flinch at the reminder. "I'm assuming that's new?"

I nodded. _That's new_? Although he didn't look casual about his statement at all, he didn't have to say it like Kaiden got a new _book_ or something...

Before I could say anything, Raine called us over.

"This should allow the people imprisoned in the ranch to escape." She said, clicking away. No one, including me was quite sure what she did, but like everyone else I assumed she unlocked doors. I relaxed a bit, knowing that Kaiden was basically safe.

Kratos leaned back a bit, hand on his hilt. "What about the expheres implanted in them? Without key crests its only a matter of time before they go out of control."

"Can't we just take the exphere's off of them?" Genis asked, and I jerked in surprise.

"Are you crazy? You've seen what happens when you do that to a human!" I said, trying to keep my voice at a decent volume.

"...Its dangerous to attempt to remove a exphere lacking a key crest. I would imagine only a dwarf could handle it." Kratos continued, ignoring my outburst instead eying me oddly.

"Then we can ask Dirk to do it." Colette piped in.

"Yeah, lets contact my dad." Lloyd chimed, looking to Kratos for the approval that he wanted from his idol. Not that he'd ever say it aloud...

Raine turned to us, her typing having stopped and I noticed a red warning sign on the screen of the Magitech computer. "... We can work out the details later. Right now, I'm going to program this place to self destruct. Ready?"

There were multiple reactions. Enthusiasm, shock, resignation, and acceptance.

"Are you serious?" Lloyd stepped back in shock, and I looked away, suppressing a grin at the tangible shock that passed through the teens.

"Woah! Thats like a invitation for war against all desians." I commented, stepping a bit closer to watch what Raine was doing over the screen.

"Raine, if you do that-" Genis started, but Raine interrupted.

"At the very least, we'll deal a major blow to the Desian stronghold over this region. If we're going to strike them, it should be thorough and decisive."

"Raine…" Genis pressed, and the elder sister simply sighed.

"Remember Genis. We're not like them… We're different."

She was actually looking at me rather intently, and I looked around to see if it was actually _me _she was staring at. When I looked back to the woman, she was looking to the computer as she pressed a few buttons.

_Odd._

I jumped, ready to bolt as red lights went off. Red lights to me meant _intruder_ and Intruder was another word for infiltration and infiltration was for infiltration artists, AKA _me_. So it was a normal reaction for me to run whenever red lights flash in enemy territory.

"I've set the self destruct timer for ten minutes." Raine said, turning to us. "Lets hurry and evacuate."

There were no more words needed as we ran out of the room, Chocolat hesitantly following as we were ready to get out of the place, leaving Magnius alone to die. If he hadnt killed himself yet.

.


	15. Chapter 14- Dead Man

**Chapter 14**

"For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind."

**A/N**

"Your terrible, leaving without saying anything, really? I have half a mind to kick you out to save myself the worry!"

"Hold on, I left you a letter!"

"A letter? Oh right, I guess that makes it all better then."

"It does...?"

"Of course not! You just left, not even giving me a chance to say a word?!"

I lingered at the edge of the couch, trying not to make it obvious I was using it as a shield of sorts, Katherine on the other side scowling at me. The rest of the group in various places around the room. We had come back after dropping Chocolat off on the way. Neil was currently standing ajar next to the singles couch in what could be in respect, but it seemed more for the same reasons I was. Katherine was just miffed by his presence, but it wasn't like her to remain that way for long. It probably helped that she considered bothering me to be a bigger problem.

"I helped the hostages…" I offered somewhat weakly. I didn't want to mention Kaiden at that moment. I didn't save him the way I wanted to save him, which was bring him back in one piece, so I chose to ignore it for the time being, which was pretty selfish, I knew, because Katherine would be the one in charge of Kaiden.

"Yeah, I know." She drawled, looking away from me. "He's up in the guest room… _I'm_ healing him." She said, implying that since I was incapable of healing abilities, I was useless. I knew she meant it as a joke, because she didn't understand what it was like to find Kaiden like that. So instead of reacting harshly, I just ignored it and asked, "So anyways. My decisions aside, I'm sorry for leaving," I wasn't sorry exactly, so I decided I should probably be more sincere and I added "For leaving and not saying anything that is."

She looked around at the group. She seemed very unsettled. WIth everything that's been happening, a some shift in moods were to be expected, but troubled wasn't exactly what I was looking for. We had taken care of the ranch, even if Kaiden was extremely injured, we had made it back. All of us. In other words, 'unsettled' wasn't the usual reaction to all these things. Sad, mournful for Kaiden, Mad at me, relieved the threat was gone for good, and for certain.

I began to ask her what she was thinking, but she beat me to it. Frowning, she said quietly, "I guess I just… Well. I honestly wasn't expecting you to come back." No one was being chatty exactly, so everyone else waiting for everything to settle down also heard this.

I looked to her surprised, even though I probably shouldnt have been, as she watched me rather seriously for such a sad admission. "After all that talk about getting away from here I just thought you had finally left for good. Its not too far of a strech to think that, right?"

"... Yikes." I muttered, coming off a little bit more insensitive than I had hoped to, leaning over the chair. I didn't want to worry her, I wanted to keep the mood light. I _was _being rude, but I wasn't sure I was in the right state of mind to handle someone elses feelings like that. _Terrible. _ "Gosh, you're making such a big deal out of it, I wouldn't leave without grabbing my stuff, then you'd know either way, right?"

She huffed, and looked away. "Your awful!"

"Anyways," Raine inturrupted, the first to do so since we arrived(And Katherine _Attacked me_) "Eris said it was alright, but I wanted to check to make sure if it's alright we stay here for a bit longer? We have some things to discuss."

Katherine nodded, "Of course, didn't I tell you it was alright?" She began to get up and leave to give the group some privacy, but before she did she turned to me. "Eris." I turned to face her to show I was listening. "Be careful, alright?"

I shrugged.

.

We rested for a hour, but Kratos rushed us out of the house to confront Dorr. He was concerned the man would slip from our fingers and escape by the skin of his teeth.

We walked through the doors, and as soon as we did it was as if we had stepped in a cursed morgue. It was silent, _deadly_ was awful, you could hear your footsteps echo and for each echo it was like something else was stepping even closer. It was ominous.

I immediately began to get paranoid. One time, when I was sixteen in my last life, be and my friends liked going to 'haunted' places, and doing, in general, _really _stupid things of that nature. One time, we got a ouji board, and we were dared to play it.

To conclude, we burned the game and I have been mildly superstitious ever since. And the Palmacosta governors building was designed to look old, and rickety, for cultural reasons probably. So the silence made it that much creepier.

"Theres no one here." Lloyd said, his voice cutting through the silence like a hot knife and butter. It seemed he didn't feel the sketchy mood in the room. Something, _something _was off, but most of us couldn't seem to pinpoint what the deal with this place was, even me who knew something was waiting, I just couldn't _really _remember what, and I wasn't sure why the upstairs, covered in the glow of the late afternoon sun, was so creepy.

So most of us. But not all.

"I think I hear voices from below…" Colette said, seeming nervous and just as jumpy as the rest of us.

"Really?" The red clad boy said, as he cupped his ears to listen, as if it would make a significant enough difference. "I don't hear anything…"

Colette shifted nervously, and I suddenly recalled her Angel Sickness deal. A eye for an eye type of thing, and I realized what her transformation was literally trading _humanity for convenience_. I sighed, understanding her immense discomfort at Lloyd not hearing anything like the rest of us.

"... Wait," I interjected, looking down at the basement. "I hear something too. I know there are rumors about a basement, but I'm not sure whats down there. I think the stairs are in the hallway by the entrance."

Colette seemed to relax a bit more, thinking her secret was one hundred percent safe. I felt bad for knowing, but I wouldn't say anything unless asked. I could only support her and do my best and deal with the repercussions later… At least that's what I told myself. I had my moments. But Colette was hurting herself, and I was indirectly supporting her, but…

Another thought crossed my mind… We were going into the _basement._

"Yes, there's a basement." Neil confirmed, "And your right, its at the end of the hallway down the right wing."

"In that case," Kratos said, and I saw him looking to the direction basement stairs warily. "We should head down to the basement."

"Yeah." Lloyd agreed, and the group started to move to the stairs.

It took only a slight hint of hesitation on my part for Raine to stop, as she noticed me jerk awkwardly as I debated on whether or not I should move, but had second thoughts.

"Eris? Is something wrong?" She asked, looking a mix between curious, tense and concerned.

The entire group heard this across the silence, and stopped to look at me as well. I felt the cold chills run down my spine, as I tried to look away from the stares. I noticed Kratos watching me expectantly, and I wondered if he was getting impatient with me, but it almost looked like he was expecting it.

I looked back at Raine, and I noticed I was tensed defensively. I sat up straight, and tried to look like I was ready for anything, despite the heat on my face and chill down my spine. "It doesn't matter, we don't really have much time to spare."

Although it seemed they were thrown off my the setback, they seemed to forget it as they began to cautiously walked down the stairs and Raine placed a firm but comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Don't worry, theres nothing we can't handle." Raine said, as she lightly pushed me forward. I didn't want left behind, so I complied easily enough, sighing because now Raine knew about my slightly superstitious nature.

I was soundless as usual, descending down the stairs. Genis was in ahead of me, and Raine behind me. Neil was in the far back, and he hadn't said a word. I figured he was thinking of the soon to be confrontation. I looked far ahead to see Kratos at the very front, for which I was _very _glad. If something jumped out, it could _have_ the seraphim. I could deal with things I was expecting, but descending down a dark set of stairs?

He was immortal anyways.

We finally made it in the room, hiding behind some large crates before continuing just to be safe. There was little room where the others were huddled up, so I silently climbed up into the boxes just below the rafter ties, crawling forward and peering behind the stacked crates that hid us.

What we saw was essentially what we were expecting. Dorr. He was standing in front of some drapes on the wall with Killia and she watched, oddly calm for a child, even to anyone who wasn't suspicious of Dorr like we were, for in front of them was a rather high ranking Desian. I listened in, risking creeping closer. Sylvarant didn't have quality boxes, instead, old wooden boxes, so I knew I would have to coordinate my steps as Chiron had taught me as to not make noise.

"... Return to her original form?"

I watched as the Desian in questioning stood tall, and said "Not yet. You still haven't paid us enough Gald. You've been paying less and less." Not surprising, even if I had forgotten a lot of details from when I played the game.

_**As always. It helps to know the future doesn't it?**_

"This is the best I can do!" Dorr exclaimed helplessly. "The tolls, the municipal taxes, the offerings to the church of Martel... there's nowhere else to squeeze money from!"

That made an understandably bitter feeling rise in my stomach. He was saying it as if people were cattle. And the worst part was he was in a position to do it and get away with it. Who was in the position to get him in trouble? The people trusted Dorr too much. It was more trouble than it was worth to inform everyone honestly, but luckily that wasn't my decision to make in the long run.

"Well, I suppose this will do." The Desian conceded 'kind heartedly'. "For today. I'm sure Lord Magnius will remove the demon seed, depending on your next contribution."

I looked down to see the group slyly come out of their hiding places as the Desian left out the back door, and both Killia and Dorr sensed this and turned to them surprised. I wanted to remain my position so it would be possible to keep the upper hand, But the cons outweighed the pros, so it was better just to stand by them.

"Whats the matter?" Lloyd asked mockingly, "You look like you just saw a ghost."

_Don't even joke about that Lloyd…_

"Um. Lloyd," Genis started, sighing dramatically. "Thats a really cliche'd line."

"Shut up Genis!"

"What are you guys doing here?!" Dorr exclaimed, too distracted by the current turmoil caused by our appearance to acknowledge the bickering teens. "Neil! Where's Neil!?"

The mentioned man stepped forward from behind us, incredibly disappointed in his superior's actions I was sure.

"Governor-General Dorr… I can't believe you've been working together with the Desians."

"So that's it… You've betrayed me!" Dorr said, and I felt a twitch of irritation.

"Hold on, you can't pin this on Neil." I said, trying not to bite out my words as I stepped next to Neil in an act of support. I didn't _want _to be angry, but I couldn't help it, but I could help the way I presented myself to the Governor-general traitor. "We're here for answers."

"...Governor-General." Neil said gravely, glancing at me as he spoke less enthusiastically to Dorr. "The chosen destroyed the human ranch for us. Please stop this foolishness..."

I didn't say that even if he takes back all the things he's done, apologises, and suffers all the torment he was responsible for, nothing would ever go back to the way he used to be.

I heard the young girl behind Dorr gasp. Not in surprise though.

_She failed. And she's glad?_

"What?" Door said in agonising horror, his eyes widening. "What have you done?!"

I couldn't help but feel a bit of pity. I remembered plenty about expheric monsters, and the fact the same thing most likely happened to Tia almost made me pity Dorr. But when I looked at Neil, at his tangible disappointment in his superior, the pure love for Dorr and _his_ people, I felt my heart harden. Dorr couldn't hide behind his mistakes and pin it on anyone else.

Before I could ask, Dorr cut into my train of thought as he exclaimed, "You… Destroyed Clara's hopes of living!"

Lloyd didn't seem to understand how odd that statement was, only Raine and Kratos appeared to brace themselves.

"I don't know who that is, but we saved every person at the ranch." Lloyd tried to comfort, despite his resolute disposition.

"... Saved?!" Dorr exclaimed in shock, but much like Killia, it wasn't a sort of shock that the Lloyds words called for. He laughed bitterly, as he said, "Th… Thats funny! Alright then… Just try saving Clara!"

With that he walked to the drapes behind him, and I stepped closer to Raine, who was behind me. Clara was something I remembered, but I didn't know myself well enough to guess how I would react, and seeing something that practically symbolised the worst of changes in my reborn life.

"Save my wife!"

He pulled down the drapes, and I flinched back. I felt, _horrible_. I recalled certain things. Details. Anna regained herself one last time before everything disappeared.

Kratos reached out to me after I fell, Lloyd was in Anna's arms.

I did wind up having a scar on my chest, from that fall, that was painful.

But I knew, nothing was as bitter as losing a family member to a monster, that you pray, is a regainable shell of their past self. I supposed Dorr must have begun to obsess over the possibility of regaining Clara.

I only remembered the horrors of the events as I stared at the imprisoned monster before me as she, Clara… _it _groaned in despair. I wondered absently, if Kratos felt anything towards Dorr after this like I did. Clara and Anna wound up the same way, and it was awful. I wondered if he was thinking about Anna.

I wondered if he was trying not to.

I moved back further, taking a deep breath in what may have sounded like a large sigh even more as Kratos gasped.

"Ah!" Genis exclaimed, gasping. "Wh...What's that monster!?"

"She's crying…" Colette murmured. "She's crying out in pain… You mustn't call her a monster!"

I noticed how her mana coiled up, unorganized and twisted with odd and almost artificial mana. Unlike a normal persons mana like Lloyd Genis and Raine, whose energy all flowed in one direction and organized and untangled. The only similarity between her and a normal person being the ball of energy around her heart was spinning clockwise like ours was, even if it was spinning faster than the norm.

It was hard to describe, but her mana was pulsing, as if trying to break free.

I clenched my fists, and looked away from the woman turned monster. Instead trying to focus on Dorr. Although I… _Pitied _him, he left her to suffer in a body she didn't belong in, how was that fair? I could only imagine how she felt, trapped inside the mess she was. But I also knew, Dorr wasn't strong enough to kill her. Freeing her wasn't an option. It was. Too terrible. But I still couldn't help but cling to any excuse I could to despise Dorr instead of find similarities between him and people who were far better.

"You don't mean…" Lloyd trailed off, as Dorr looked up to us coldly.

"Thats right." He said, not at all sadly. It was angry, cold and callous. "This is what's become of my _wife_, Clara!"

"So thats why you told everyone she passed away." Raine said, remaining calm. I was glad she was, as I found myself turning to her slightly, hoping her security would rub off on me.

"...I don't remember her ever being in a ranch, that information would have been announced, if not leaked or rumoured." I spoke lowly, my voice thick with evidence of my torrent of emotions. "How did she ever get an exphere to be removed in the first place…?"

"My father, the previous Governor-General, was a fool." Dorr growled, giving the monster behind him a dirty look. I felt malice spike in the pits of my stomach, and I noticed Genis was shaking. "Because of his defiant stance against the Desians, they killed him then planted the demon seed in my wife as a warning."

I didn't remember any of this… I remembered Dorr's father's death. Not Clara. I also thought Dorr was the first to be given Governor-General title, but guessed his father did as well.

_Can't expect people to tell a small child stuff like that. But how did I miss Clara?_

"If I cooperate with them…" The man continued, interrupting my thoughts in a desperate tone that time, "They will give me the medicine to save her!"

"But that means you're betraying the people of this city!" Genis said, disbelievingly.

"Who cares!" He retorted, not tactfully at all. "It was the only way to save Clara! But it's all been for nothing-"

"It was all for nothing anyways." I muttered.I crossed my arms, sighing. There was a part of me that wanted to forgive him, and a part of me that wanted to make him suffer forever. So I decided to ignore any opinion on the man altogether, instead thinking of his wife. "How do you think Clara feels, supporting the people her made her this way?" I couldn't bring myself to call her a monster. "They made her suffer. So you give up, right?"

"This isn't about _giving up_, it was about returning things to the way they were! I had to watch Clara rot until she turned into this _thing_, and you've ruined the only chance I had left!"

"You're not the only victim here!" Lloyd added, looking to Dorr with an expression that begged for Dorr to explain, but I knew there would be no good answer to satisfy any of us. Dorr was a man who used his own people and went against the morals of his father, his wife, and ignorantly believed it was the correct decision. That his wife, would allow that if she was cured. "I'm sorry about your wife. But think of all those people who believed in you, only to be sent to the ranch! Any of them may have wound up just like your wife!"

I immediately thought of Kaiden at that, and I found myself just tiring of Dorrs antics even more. He could have turned out just like Clara, Tia, and Anna. What would I have done? I wondered if I would have been strong enough hto keep moving, despite the fact there were people who lost far more loved ones than I.

"Silence boy!" Dorr exclaimed arrogantly. "Stop acting like your justice is absolute!"

"Where do you get off?" Lloyd growled. I remembered putting a lot of thought into that one line, but I didn't have the heart to care how awful Dorr was anymore. He made my loved ones suffer, and I was not the same person I used to be. "Don't even start spewing the word 'justice'! I hate that word! If you wanted to save your wife, you should have resigned your position as Governor-General and searched for a cure, or help, or whatever! Your a worthless jerk who couldn't give up his social status even for his own wife!"

Even though I agreed with the basics of what he was saying, I could see his anger clouding his perception of Dorr. I was angry too, but I knew what happened when people only accepted fact, and rejected the truth. "There's more to it than that Lloyd." I said, looking at him at the corner of my eye. He didn't look back. "Dorr obviously have a few screws loose, and it doesn't change what he did. But we can't just jump to conclusions about the past."

"Lloyd." Colette agreed with my slight protest. "Not everyone is strong enough to stand against the Desians!"

_Strength is a choice_. The me of the past, was a good person. She was actually wanted to love and help people no matter what, and learn as much as possible about everything. But I chose to change, justifying my weakness with my rebirth. But I chose to become weak, because I was sick of being selfless. I wouldn't get rewarded here. I had a hard life, but I still kept moving.

_**Maybe you're just building yourself up to ease the guilt.**_

_But I still chose to become weak. _

"Colette…" Loyd said, looking at the angel. He seemed to lose some of his energy, but not all of course. It was Lloyd after all.

"I'll find it for you!" Colette said, "If there's a medicine for your wife, I promise to find it! So please…"

"... There's no use." Kilia finally spoke up, her voice heavier than its usual tone. It was more heartless too, and I felt chills going down my spine. Deja vu with these people was inevitable, but unlike most this was foreboding and I couldn't remember what was about to happen. "There's no way to remove a demon seed once it has sprouted."

She walked toward her father in a way that was very familiar, and I recognized the way she was moving too late.

Dorr fell to the floor, a bloody knife in his back.

"Kilia…" Dorr choked. "What are you…?"

"What are you doing!?" Lloyd finished for the weak man on the floor.

"How could you do that to your own father!?" Genis asked, watching the repulsive events unfold, Raine and Kratos choosing to watch the events unfold.

Kilia giggled. "Thats a laugh."

We watched as she transformed, into a purple horned creature, and I felt her Mana shifting. I noticed one condensed piece of Mana in her chest, not visible to anyone else, and it seemed to let her shift, as well as stabilizing her mana as she did so.

It wasn't a exphere, but it eerily similar. If I had to guess, it was what allowed her to shape shift, or processed power. I hadn't seen anything like it before, even comparing them to expheres was a _bit _of a stretch. It was much like the creature in the cage next to her, but with a similar aura as a half elf, but more stable mana flow.

"I'm a servant of Pronyma, leader of the Five Grand Cardinals who rule over the Desians." The not so Kilia said in a shrill voice. "I was merely assigned to observe the new human cultivation technique developed by Magnius. Theres no way a superior half elf such as I could have a fool of a father such as this!"

"A… Fool of a father?" Colette repeated, an odd, almost mournful, look on her face.

"Just look at him!" Kilia said deridingly, "He didn't even notice his own daughter was dead… He was too busy chasing after a medicine that doesn't exist, in order to save his monster wife!" She began cackling, her grotesque features twisting around her face.

"You…!" Lloyd said threateningly, grasping his swords and charging without any further questions. The rest of us followed with only a moment's hesitation, worrying for Lloyd above all else.

"How could you?" Colette said, mortified as she threw her chakram precisely, Kilia dodging.

We kept this up, as she stuck to dodging most of our attacks.

Until she teleported that is.

"What?!" I yelled, "She can teleport!"

No one answered, instead focusing on either casting, healing, or making openings for the melee fighters to attack. I did a bit of both, but Killia's movements were too unpredictable, and every time she casted I became hyper aware of the mana in use and became distracted.

In other words, I was having a little more trouble than I should have been.

Luckily, there were always patterns in the way magic users cast, and even luckier, Killia was using a _lot. _Every time she casted, she used a _lot _of excess mana, making it… Smoke? Every move she made, the Mana emitting from the stone in her chest would smoke and twirl in the direction she would move.

I found myself able to guess where she was moving according to this, So as she dodged, I would be right there to meet her as she jumped away with a dagger in hand. But unfortunately, it happened so fast I could hardly aim at a fatal spot. However, the easier it got to predict her every movement, the less she was able to cast dark spells. But even then I did hit, sometimes it wouldn't go through due to her thick skin, and not in the metaphorical way.

The more time went on, the more everyone adjusted to fighting her off. Lloyd was doing especially well, doing the most damage out of all of us, because every time someone landed a hit Killia would flinch to defend, and Lloyd was fast enough to take full advantage of it.

Eventually she got frustrated enough to where her Mana would spike so much it was as if it exploded, and she would temporarily go somewhat unstable as several white bone like things stuck out of her body.

The first time it happened, I was in the middle of attackin when it suddenly extended out to pierce through my side. It wasn't too deep, thankfully, and Raine managed to heal me with first aid fairly quick after that.

"What was that?!" Genis called out, and I would have answered if I wasn't dodging a barrage of attacks from Killia, who was very frustrated.

"You- can not-" She screetched between hits, as I dodged, forgoing blocking in favor of not breaking any bones, "Win this!" With that, I was forced to completely dodge to the side, as her bones extended and hit the ground with a crackling crash.

Lloyd came up behind her, expecting her to stagger, but it seemed she was no longer that vulnerable and turned to throw him to the side mid swing. Kratos came up the other side, and made piercing strike, which she again dodged.

_Overlimit apparently._

So basically, we just kept dodging until her little tantrum was finished.

But I did manage to slow her down, and the other's were able to bring her down with coordinated attacks, Kratos doing much of the work and even if Lloyd was making the _most _ strikes, Kratos was making the most powerful and efficient ones. I made sure to stay away from Clara and Dorr who was breathing heavily, not wanting any unexpected surprises.

Although Killias strikes hurt a _lot_, it didn't hurt as much as I thought when I was hit with dark sphere every so often.

It was what it sounded like, I was locked in a sphere for several seconds, and the magic intensity built up before it spiked my Mana all at once and threw me off. It was rather painful. It didn't seem she could spike any internal mana though, just the mana bleeding off like steam.

It was as I jammed two of my knifes into her shoulder blade, that I heard Colette shout "Angel feathers!"

I struck right in the center, where the stone was, with a loud crack. Iwasnt sure if it was the stone, the chakram hitting, or her bones, but either way it did the trick. Kilia let out a cry of agony, and I jumped back as she fell to the ground. "Lord… Pronyma!"

"This can't be…!" She said, and I watched as she arched her back toward the cage beside her. "Fine… Then… I'll set this monster free and let it kill you!"

She slowly began to dissipate on the floor, gushing out ooz(I was dropping the notion that Killia was human, elf or half elf), as she began to open the door that was the only thing between us… And Clara.

_Wait, she literally _disappears _though? I thought that was a game thing. _

It wasn't a clean one though, there was stains left from her blood and although her mana left just fine, there were remenants that were not carried off, such as bones and blood(Clear goo really) that had already left her

No one could do anything as the monster… _Clara_, walked out of her prison, limbs dangling limply, the body being in a uneven and mutated condition.

"No, not again!" Lloyd exclaimed apprehensively, horrified at the familiar situation put before him. "Do I have to kill yet another innocent victim?"

The shell of Clara let out a painfully grating roar, as she lifted her appendage limply in preparation to do damage. Namely Colette.

"No! Stop!"

She was too far away for help, so we watched in amazement(And yes, _fear_) as Clara seemed to pause, arm still set in preparation to swing. She then let out a weak, agonizing cry as she turned around and hobbled in the other direction with a shriek.

Being faster than our comprehensive abilities, she managed to get away through the open door that the Desian from before left ajar as we stood there with what I was sure was mixed feelings. No one wanted to hurt her, she hurt no one, so what was the point in chasing her? Other than, she was capable of hurting a lot of people, but she wasn't exactly our priority right then, Dorr was. The majority of us was in shock, wondering why she didn't hit Colette. Was it because she was the Chosen? Did the soon to be angel stop her somehow? Or…

How did _Clara_ regain herself enough to run? Did… My mom, Anna, do the same? She did didn't she? I remembered vaguely, she had managed to regain herself much Like Clara might have just then, to save Lloyd, right?

I looked over to Kratos, he was pale, and it took knowing the story to figure out that he was bothered. No one else would tell I'd assume, since he appeared as undisturbed as ever other than things, I admit, I looked for.

"W...Wait!" Genis cried, vainly trying to run after the escaped monster, Colette going to follow, but we all knew it was too late.

"Is Kilia really dead…?"

The pair stopped at the sound of Dorr's hoarse croak, and everyone turned to look at the man on the floor. He was bleeding out. I felt the familiar candle like flicker in his mana, the feeling of a man dying. I pressed my lips together, feeling remorseful, but also content with his selfishly induced death.

_**You know what they say… Kick a man while he's down, because then he'll never get back up.**_

_Pretty sure no one says that. _I thought, distancing myself from the events around me as they spoke to Dorr.

"It seems your real daughter is fine…" I focused back in at the sound of a easy to spot lie. It was Lloyd, who was smiling at Dorr. I frowned. Lying… Lloyd lied to the traitor to protect him. I wasn't sure if he deserved the truth or the lie, both were equally terrible. Lloyd must have gathered that, from the way he could barely look at Dorr in the eye.

"I… See." The man coughed, the life visibly draining out of him, and the warmth of personified mana leaving him ever so slowly. "You… Your name… Is Lloyd?"

"... Yeah."

"Professor Sage!" Colette cried, "Please help him!"

Raine grimaced, as she kneeled down with her staff at the ready. I watched as she began to work.

Channeling your mana to heal basically looked like little bugs that latch on to a single area of mana to trigger healing. For flesh wounds at least. But since Dorr's life was already slipping away, the little 'mana bugs' seemed unable to grasp the man's energy through the skin, like it was dispersing from a solid, to a liquid, to a gas. So there was nothing for the 'bugs' to grab and mend.

I had seen death before, my first being Anna. However, the first time I had ever _killed _anyone was soon after Tia died, and I was traveling to Asgard. I was ambushed, being by myself, so I, underestimating the danger of traveling alone, fought back.

Most were unconscious, but I killed two that day. I expected to feel horrible, like I had committed some grand sin I could never come back from. But it didn't. It was as if I was used to it. Maybe it was because I had memories of dying myself, because I had seen it so much, I _don't know_, but the point was I felt nothing.

I was scared about this lack of care, but I wasn't about to question it. It was better than a moral panic when I didn't need one.

Raine seemed to realize that Dorr was dying as she was healing too, and she stood up abruptly and turned away, the two children in front of her watching hopefully. But the message was clear; Dorr was a dead man.

"Please… Make sure the escapees are alright…" Dorr gasped as his life began to fade. "And if you find a way to save my wife… Please help her return to her original form… I don't want my daughter being alone."

I wondered why he thought he had the right to ask us these things. Which was awful to think, because he was _dying_, but I guess I'd like to believe I could trust the people around me in my dying moments, no matter what I did to deserve it. And I also knew… _Clara_ was not like Dorr.

She was kind. I remembered the stories Tia told me. Tia would have saved her, so I guessed it was up to me to take that responsibility. I figured, it was better to act for the dead since they arent here, and since I knew what TIa would have done, I had no more doubts about what I _should _do.

I could already imagine it. The only thing we had to do was untangle the cords of mana, then it would revert her to a non comatose state when it came to her being. She was literally trapped inside the coils, that was her core. The reason it was spinning so fast was because the faster it spins, the more mana gets exerted. She was like a star though, once she ran out of mana she was dead, but that would take so long there was really no rush.

The coils prevented any mana getting out, and if no mana could reach the outside she could not be controlled. This was why it was necessary for this world to have mana, why no one could survive without it. You're mana literally dictated who you are. You aren't a consciousness, you _are the mana itself._ So if you lose mana, you lose yourself.

Not even I could live without it in this life, even if I lived in a world where we didn't need it in a past life. These people werent like earth people, my old life was gone and all I had left were fading memories.

There was a whole science behind it, but in order to save Clara by untangling the cord's I would need years and perfect control. Yes, I could touch mana, but it was _far _easier to do so with my own, since my mana couldn't hurt me. But doing it to someone else, or even _something_ else ran the risk of mixing mana, which was poisonous. It wouldn't work like healing artes, It was risky, _very _risky for me to do it, and I wouldn't be able to stop ever in the light that it would kill her.

I couldn't do anything, and it hurt because I could see the problem and I knew how to fix it, to a degree. I just didn't have the means or skill.

"...Okay." I looked back at Lloyd, who was standing over Dorr along with the other teens. "I promise.

Surprising us all, a tear ran down the dying mans face. "Thank you…" He said quietly, and I noted his mana was almost dispersed. Usually people died much quicker than this, but I guess Dorr had a good hold on his life to finish his words. He held something up incredibly weakly, a card it looked like, and when Lloyd took it his arm dropped with a loud thump, and his mana left him all at once.

I could practically feel the wind like mana of his life passing over me swiftly. It wasn't disgusting, like hugging a dead man, because it was fresh and alive, as if he was still alive. It wasn't _dead_. But it _was _gone.

I wondered where the mana was going, did he disappear? Or was he as unlucky as I was?I vaguly wondered, if rebirth was in everyones fate, or just some? I wondered if death itself could make mistakes?

"Governor-General Dorr!" Neil cried, falling in front of the man. His eyes were closed in remorse.

"We should get out of here…" Raine said, probably thinking about how bothersome it would be if we stayed too long.

"I'll take care of this…" Neil said, looking up at us. "Wait for me upstairs, if you don't mind."

"Don't you need some help?" I asked, "Dead bodies are usually pretty heavy." He shook his head.

"... Lets go then." Lloyd said quietly, and with that everyone followed me up the stairs.

.

We were waiting for about thirty minutes in the lobby in silence, the mournful air gradually dissipating, when Neil came through the front Door instead of the back. I figured it was because he took care of Dorr's body, but I didn't want to think about it too much.

He stepped behind the councils desks, looked to us.

"... I'm sorry for all that's happened." he apologized, a small, sincere smile on his face. "Thank you for your help."

"What are you going to do now?" Raine asked, not commenting on his apology.

"I think the first step is to get together with those who hold power in this city and reorganize the government." Neil said, and I grinned.

"Thats good." I decided to express, and Neil looked at me. "There are people in this city that are going to need your help. Your smart. You saw what was happening in the nick of time." I tried to encourage him, it would take a lot of work to fix all of Dorrs mistakes. .

"You're right…" The man let out a breathy laugh, smiling a little bigger. "It's going to be quite the ordeal."

"Well, all I can say is good luck." Lloyd offered, a big smile on his face. He had eventually got over the tragedy from downstair somewhat, so he was back to normal. "As for us, we're going to make sure the Desians can't hurt anymore innocent victims like Clara."

"Thats right. We promised." Colette chirped.

"Indeed." Kratos spoke for the first time since Clara.

"Thank you." Neil said again.

"I guess its time to go then." Colette said, and we all nodded.

The young hero did as well, agreeably. "Yeah."

"Be careful, and come back here anytime...and Eris?" I turned around to Neil, who met me just before we walked out the door. "Could you tell Ms. Katherine that I would like to meet with her? Anytime at noon tomorrow is fine."

I nodded, and continued on out the door.

.

We were sitting on the couch, as Katherine making us dinner. And I knew time like that were odd, it was like living in a completely different world. One minute we were facing the grand plans of the desians and fighting treachery, and the next we were doing nothing as we lounged around, no intermediate danger.

I was sitting next to Raine, Colette next to her. Katherine, not an ounce of shyness in her blood, ordered Lloyd to do some garden work in the back yard. Kratos tagged along, having nothing to do as well.

I had a book in my hands, and the two girls beside me were talking. Genis offered to help cook, and Katherine allowed him, albeit reluctantly.

I had just started a book out of desperation for something to do, but I found myself actually liking it. Books in this world were covered some sort of special substance to preserve them, and although no one could actually do that anymore, you could pick up a perfectly good book and it be a thousand years old, and you'd be none the wiser.

"Alright! The foods all done!" I looked over from my perch to see Katherine grinning in the doorway.

"What did you make?" I asked, in hopes that she would tell me so I decided if I wanted to get up or not.

"Food."

"...Why don't you just tell me what it is?"

"Because." Katherine answered simply, and I sighed tiredly. I decided to wait it out anyways, knowing _someone _had to come back with food.

And that someone was Genis, with…

I made a vomiting sound, and the young half elf looked to me curiously. "Whats the matter with you?"

I eyed the slimy dish with disdain, shivering at the thought of it. "Nope, I'm not eating."

I caught scent of it, and I resisted the urge cover my nose, burying my nose in the couch

"Lasagna?" Raine came up and asked, a plate of her own. "Don't tell me you dislike tomatoes too…"

I shrugged. "I don't mind tomatoes. Its casserole dishes that usually bug me."

Lloyd and Kratos walked through the door with Katherine, and Lloyd froze upon seeing the dish and Kratos… just turned around. And casually walked away.

"U-uh… I'm not hungry all of a sudden…!"

Katherine pouted. "Seriously? I made it on Riss's request…"

"I did not!"

Colette walked through the kitchen with a big smile on her face. "This is very good Ms. Katherine, thank you!"

Said woman giggled, and I rolled my eyes as she began to coo. "Aww, you don't need to thank me, its the least I can do! Also you can call me Katherine, I'm not much older than you, only twenty!"

"You had your birthday already?" I asked passivly, lifting my head and resting my head in my palm, and she let out a short laugh.

"Yeah actually! In fact, it was right after you _took off without saying anything!_"

"I fixed your roof."

"What, you couldn't afford a birthday present or anything?"

"I don't think you're supposed to reward someone for getting senile."

"Pft, don't come crying to me when you need me to sign something as your guardian then."

I didn't answer right away, instead I put my hands on my heart as if I was hurt and mocked, "Don't say such things! We have _guests_!"

The woman simply rolled her eyes, and childishly puffed out her cheeks as she crossed her arms. "You could have at least said happy birthday…"

"Fine, happy birthday."

"Thank you." With that over with, she stomped back to the kitchen, and I slid back in my own seat. I felt like some coffee at that moment, but it was too late and I actually wanted to get sleep that night, for once in my life.

I heard a giggle, as Colette took the spot Raine was in next to me. "You're home is so lively! It must be nice." The former exclaimed happily as she took a bite.

I blinked at her, and glanced at Raine who was now eating in front of me. "Sometimes. But she gets like this because she likes people. Otherwise its pretty quiet…"

"Speaking of birthdays though…" Genis started, and I looked at him curiously. "How old are you?"

I sighed. I wanted to avoid this question for many reasons. The mature one being I wanted to separate myself from Lloyd and Kratos as much as possible, and when your long lost father knows your age, it's practically a give away. Also it was no secret that I was short,so the fact I was going to be fifteen _soon_ would come as a huge shock to everyone.

"Well… I'm… Around fifteen…? Sixteen possibly. Or fourteen."

"Thats not even a real answer!" Genis exclaimed, sitting up straighter to peer at me from across the room.

"How do you not know your own age?" Lloyd piped in, his voice hitching in surprise.

I shrugged. "I'm pretty sure I was born around fall… But I don't know the exact day. It doesn't matter, I was just joking though. I know my age."

The truth was, I went with my past date, July eighteenth. But since I was born in october, it is now october(The name october stayed the same in this world) eighteenth. I wasn't lying when I said I didn't know the exact date though.

"... Then what is it." Genis asked(more stated), starting to get tired of it. I shrugged.

"I'm fifteen."

"You don't look-"

"Shut up Lloyd."


End file.
